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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this cashier was rude...

79 replies

veggifriedbreakfast · 02/06/2018 16:45

I've had a problem with her before when I have tried to by alcohol and she asked for my ID, not a problem, I showed her my passport but she said she didn't believe it and refused to sell to me. I was 25 then (26 now).

I went in with DP today, he's 16 years older than me. She asks me for ID so I show her and dp though she was asking him and started asking others how old he looked, so they said late twenties early thirties. She then started giggling and flirting with him about how young he looks and then told him that she was surprised with my ID because Im much younger than she was expecting!!!!!

Then asking him to guess her age and endless flirting...

I'm in shock, why ask me for ID anyway if you truly think I look a lot older and then be blatantly rude and flirty like that.

DP thought at first she was rude and then not so bad, maybe because of the flirting. (I don't know if it's relevant but she turned out to be 52)

Just lost for words.

OP posts:
Cuffuffle · 03/06/2018 07:52

Challenge 25 is not required by law, it is considered 'best practice'. It was introduced for the sale of alcohol not scratch cards. Did that woman ID me because she was concerned for her job? Not a chance!

SoapOnARoap · 03/06/2018 07:55

Your partner sounds like he has a soft spot for her. Is this your real issue?

UserV · 03/06/2018 07:58

Agree with some posters that you sound jealous that the cashier fancied your partner, (and it sounds like the feeling was mutual!)

I think you have bigger issues than some cashier lady thinking you are too young to buy booze.

VladmirsPoutine · 03/06/2018 08:00

Why are you "lost for words"? This is entirely a non-issue and in fact makes for quite cringe-worthy reading. Them flirting and you looking put out whilst your partner asks others in the queue to guess his age.
Just get over it. Go to a different shop or a different cashier.

toolonglurking · 03/06/2018 08:01

Sorry to miss the point but you were 'in shock' over this?
I think anything over 'mild surprise' is a complete over reaction.

Mummyoflittledragon · 03/06/2018 08:08

I’m not sure if it is deffo a soft spot/fancying her. Maybe enjoying the attention.

Can you talk to your dp veggi?

Candyflip · 03/06/2018 08:08

Aren’t they meant to ID anyone they think may be under 30? maybe you just look really rough?

Candyflip · 03/06/2018 08:12

That was to cuffuffle not OP

slashlover · 03/06/2018 08:13

I'm 26 and have been ID'd for a scratch card twice recently! Now I know I look young but there's no way I look fucking 15! It's a power trip for most of them. It's there only opportunity to feel important in their sad little lives

Where I used to work the Challenge 25 was for any age restricted product whether the product was restricted to 16 or 18, nothing the cashier could do about it.

You sound lovely

TheLionRoars1110 · 03/06/2018 08:17

You should have asked her why she was iding you if she thought you look old.
If she refuses to sell you alcohol again ask to speak to a manager.

DragonMummy1418 · 03/06/2018 08:18

I'd have put my hand on my hip, drummed my nails noisily on the desk in front of her and ask if she'd quite finished flirting with another woman's partner enough to be professional and serve you.

But then my DH doesn't tolerate shit like that, he'd probably have outright told her she was being disrespectful for flirting with a taken man 😂

slashlover · 03/06/2018 08:19

Sorry but I agree with the above poster that sometimes it is just a power trip. I used to get ID'd by someone I went to school with, someone I sat next to in Maths class, he definitely remembered me. It was ridiculous, and stopped (funnily enough) when I complained to Head Office, explaining the above.

Policy was to ID every person, every time. I had to ID someone who's 21st birthday I attended, funnily enough he was fine with it. They said that if you could let one person get away with it then you could leave yourself open to others challenging you.

Head Office were wrong and should have backed the cashier who was only doing what they has been trained to do.

AlonsosLeftPinky · 03/06/2018 08:20

People can look very different on different trips to the same shop.

I went yesterday with no make up on and was asked for ID. I need to pop in later but I'll be dressed differently and will have make up on. I might not be asked today.

That aside, it's a stupid thing to get irate over. If you need to be annoyed at anyone, be annoyed at your partner for flirting with the checkout assistant.

WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam · 03/06/2018 08:26

Maybe I’m just a weirdo, but I see flirting as being two different types.

  1. flirting with intent: aka, not joking, and the person tries to take it further.

  2. flirting that is friendly and joky and intended to be a lighthearted fun interaction where both people recognise it for what it is and it doesn’t go anywhere

Plus flirting is soooo often mistaken as being the same thing as having a laugh and a joke with someone, bantering, paying a compliment, and whether an interaction is flirting or not is in the eye of the beholder. A very jealous person is gonna See the most mild of interactions between two people as flirting. Someone more chilled would happily stand there while their partner gets on like a house on fire laughing and joking and mildly flirting with someone and know it’s just fun.

I cannot think of a scenario where a cashier could do the former, to my OH, in front of me. I just can’t. Other than complimenting him then asking for his number. Did that happen?

The latter, what’s the big deal really? I’ve been out with my OH where one of us has flirted light heartedly with a serving staff member or cashier worker or whatever and it is just a nice positive friendly fun interaction that means literally nothing and is zero threat to the relationship.

So if this was me, I’d have just felt glad she could brighten her probably dull day a little, laugh along and think nothing more of it. I don’t get my knickers in a twist when someone tells him he has gorgeous eyes or whatever in front of me, I just say ‘I know right? He’s gorgeous!’ and embarrass him. Same the other way around.

Am I weird in this? I can’t envisage getting arsey about the situation OP describes.

WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam · 03/06/2018 08:28

But then my DH doesn't tolerate shit like that, he'd probably have outright told her she was being disrespectful for flirting with a taken man 😂

God how embarrassing would that be to take a light hearted fun interaction that she probably does with loads of people to make the day go faster and say something like this 😂 i’m cringing!

Original poster
veggifriedbreakfast · 03/06/2018 08:29

To be honest she's never polite to me and it seems like she has taken a disliking to me, the passport was in date and real so no reason to refuse me. It seemed more like an act in front of other people. No idea why she asked for my ID and then said she was surprised, seemed deliberately horrible.

OP posts:
WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam · 03/06/2018 08:33

When I worked for one of the big supermarkets they were clear that if we got caught selling alcohol to someone underage and it was an undercover customers (I think the police got kids to come in to test if we were doing it or not), the store would lose its license to sell alcohol for a certain period of time, and we’d be in danger of losing our jobs. It was a MASSIVE deal. Staff are extremely cautious for those reasons. It’s nothing to do with being on a power trip, some of you have really disgusting attitudes to someone working in a supermarket (sad little lives? Really? Mine was pretty good at that time, considering I was at uni during the day studying for a professional job and having lots of fun with the extra cash earned from working the tills!).

I once IDed a 36 year old 😂 she looked like she could be 25 so she got IDed. She didn’t get mad, just confused and showed me photos of her kids and her car keys haha.

I’m 30 and get IDed more often than not still, it’s no problem, I carry it for that reason.

Some of you seem to think your interactions with shop staff IDing you are much more loaded than they really are, I doubt they even think twice once you’ve left the shop.

ImFreeToDoWhatIWant · 03/06/2018 08:34

I'm an overweight, greying 43yo harassed mother of two and I look every single day of it! I was id'd a couple of months ago for wine as part of a full weeks £100+ shop (I say this only to demonstrate that I'm not a young looking 25yo, or an old looking 16yo trying to get away with anything). There is no earthly way any sane rational nt cashier could possibly have thought I look under 25. So why would they do it in that situation? Management policy? Well it just backfires surely, creating bad feeling and lost sales. I was very irritated.

WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam · 03/06/2018 08:34

veggifriedbreakfast Surprised? At how young you are? What’s wrong with that? Cashiers often see my 1988 ID and say they’re surprised at how old I am, I don’t get offended. They’re making conversation.

Just go to another till in the future.

WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam · 03/06/2018 08:36

ImFreeToDoWhatIWant I think some stores have implemented an ID EVERYONE initiative, usually after someone has fucked up. Most adults know that to purchase an age restricted item you need to be able to prove your age if asked. They’d rather lose a few quid worth of sales then pay the fine they get stuck with if caught out, not to mention the hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of sales they’d lose being banned from selling alcohol.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 03/06/2018 08:38

Your DP didn't help by attention seeking tbh, although she sounds delightfully two faced. I would not like her attitude at all but I do agree that she shouldn't have to accept your licence. Like a lot of things that shop staff do that are annoying, it's considered best practice to ask though and she would be individually to blame if your ID had been false so I don't blame her for refusing you. Ex BF got himself and his branch of m&s into a lot of trouble because he didn't challenge 21 a few years ago. He served a tester sent to see if he would do so! What with mystery shoppers and people out to check up on you like that, retail staff cover their asses. You're not worth getting in bother over.

I once refused to sell a knife to a kid with just his long birth certificate. It was acceptable ID- but I had no way of knowing it was HIS birth cert and he looked very young. I did think the woman who refused to sell me cigarettes (for my dad) when I was 21 was just being a stupid obstreperous bitch though. I had a provisional driving licence and she said it wasn't "real". I told her that no pub or club or any other cashier had ever had an issue with it because it was "real" and had been issued by the DVLA and I explained the difference between prov and full licence. Her colleague then pointed out that it had DVLA holograms and was indeed real although this stupid woman kept insisting it wasn't a real one because I couldn't drive with it. Yes I could- just not alone!!! I think by this point she just couldn't back down. I looked a bit old for my age, too....

ImFreeToDoWhatIWant · 03/06/2018 08:43

Walking - If that were the case then I'd have been (begrudgingly) okay with it I think, but it wasn't. The two customers in front of me weren't id'd and one of them was certainly younger by about a decade frankly, and nor were any customers on the next till over whilst I was there.

I think what I object to most is that its rapidly becoming a way of introducing national ID cards by stealth and I have ethical problems with that, but its a separate debate to the OP's so I'll stop there!

OliviaStabler · 03/06/2018 08:43

It's a power trip for most of them. It's there only opportunity to feel important in their sad little lives

Total rubbish.

No one likes asking customers for ID but you are required to do so by law if you think someone is underage and also if your branch is signed up to Challenge 25. It holds up the queue and you get some shitty reactions but you have to do it.

Mammyloveswine · 03/06/2018 08:45

How cringe-worthy that your partner asked a load of random strangers to guess his age! Also if the cashier was 52 I'm.guessing she knew your partner was closer to her age and was flirting saying he looked young. Could she have thought you were his daughter? Hence the flirting in front of you... and maybe when she said she thought you were older she meant to say younger but was so blindsided by how handsome your partner is that she got her words mixed up...

tmh88 · 03/06/2018 08:46

I once got refused to buy a no7 grooming kit from boots because I didn't have any id and it had scissors in it (dad's Christmas present) it was in the 3 for 2 and I had to go back and find a different set without scissors because for some reason I was adamant I wanted the 3 for 2. I was nearly 9 months pregnant too. 😂 I understand they can't sell to you without ID if they think you look under age but I most definitely weren't and I was shocked as I wouldn't be buying the male grooming set for myself along with another bunch of soap and glory sets etc as gifts 😂

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