About ‘aggressive’ smokers?

[Mynameyourname]

This is an extreme example of course.

I’ve got a rare day off and was sitting outside at a sidewalk cafe enjoying my lunch.

Another customer came along and sat down practically on top of me (I was on a long bench, she chose a spot with no table despite the many empty tables available) and lit up a cigarette immediately.

I was on the last bite of my sandwich and basically fled indoors as the smoke blew all over me.

I could see from inside that within a few moments she’d seated herself at “my” table, moved the plates somewhere else and then ordered a glass of wine!

Smoking is allowed there, so that’s fine, but AIBU to think that her behaviour was incredibly rude and basically inviting me to either have a fight (and still get covered in smoke) or simply flee? I feel like it’s ruined my lunch and I feel silly for letting it, but I don’t like cigarette smoke and I just washed my hair this morning

It can be annoying if people sit too close no matter what they're doing, but why did you have to flee indoors if there were many other empty tables?

@freudianslurp that's a very good question. Ironically, I was worried about offending her/hurting her feelings!

I also thought well, I can't go moving all around the seating area whenever a smoker sits down next to me.

In addition I was slightly scared. I have social anxiety and I was a bit nervous that there was going to be a confrontation.

Of course all of these thoughts happened within just a few seconds' time so I wasn't really thinking it through that clearly. Mostly I was worried that it would look like I was pointedly moving after she sat down, and I didn't want that.

Basically I just wanted to sit outside and enjoy my book, without any potentially upsetting confrontations or whatever, so when something odd happened I dropped everything and headed off indoors (which was empty).

@marypoppinsbloomers I think the above probably answers your question.

FWIW I'm neither British nor in the UK, and people here are often rather more prepared to get into an argument in public! I think I perhaps sensed something odd about how she sat so close to me (and not actually at a table) and more than anything I wanted to avoid an argument. Because of her having sat so close to me I instinctively felt (rightly or wrongly) that there was something 'off' and asking her not to would have got me precisely nowhere.

thehogfather if you look at my post on the second page at 13:19 there is evidence to support that smoke containing carcinogens stays in the air for up to 160 minutes. So even if you're not lighting up near people the smoke from your fag is still harmful to others.

After reading this (and eleventy billion similar threads and smoking) does anyone ever consider that maybe treating someone with a modicum of decency, be they a smoker or not, and saying something politely and without all the exaggerated coughing, hand waving and lectures and general attitude of 'smokers are scum' might actually have some effect?! Dear God smokers are actually human too and people are surprised when they get met with a defensive attitude when they're faced with the way smokers are spoken to and about? Really?
Or though I suppose it's a much better feeling to know you've caused a scene and created an issue, that you can blame on someone else, when a simple and polite "Would you mind not smoking near me while I'm eating? Thanks" would do!!

@beerwench you clearly haven't read it. I've no idea what you're on about with your coughing and hand-waving and scenes.

I can’t be near any of it and don’t eat outside anymore because inevitable a smoker will come along. I also have to go inside if a neighbour has a BBQ. It sucks, and I wish people wouldn’t smoke, but it’s got to be difficult for them as well. Quitting must be so difficult, they’re so addictive.

Smokers shouldn't need to be told that their smoke is annoying beerwrench You're basically saying that smokers should be allowed be as inconsiderate as they like and it is up to the non smokers to say something, not knowing what kind of response they're going to get.

Because, let's be honest here, for every smoker who says 'oh sorry' and moves away there will be at least one more who will do the wide eyed, astonished act or even be openly aggressive and hostile.

They're both addictions, and as such both habits could be called disgusting in terms of the damage they do health wise.

Difference is though, you can give up smoking and still live, you can't do that with eating. It is a totally different addiction scenario.

user1485342611, spot on.

does anyone ever consider that maybe treating someone with a modicum of decency, be they a smoker or not

Making the air around someone stink and full of toxic fumes is hardly acting with a modicum of decency.

To be honest I don't give a shit about people being rude to smokers. Because imo every smoker that smokes outside is rude. Smoking when you know it can cause cancer and even death in other people around you is a reason for me not to respect you imo.

There’s some crap being talked on this thread.

You can’t possibly compare overeating and smoking.

You HAVE to eat. You don’t have to smoke. At all. It’s such a stupid comparison 🙄

And smokers KNOW their smoke is disgustingly smelly even at a distance and clings to clothes and hair. They just don’t care.

I'm not saying smokers should be as inconsiderate as they like - but you've kind of illustrated my point there really. When you go at someone with a shitty attitude, for whatever reason, chances are you're going to be met at least defensively if not matched with attitude. My point is that if perhaps people treated each other with the respect they deserve, they'd get a more productive outcome. Asking someone to respect you (broadly speaking) when by tone and action you clearly do not have the same, is never going to achieve harmony is it? It's hardly going to encourage someone to think 'you know what, I'm absorbed in myself as I'm allowed to be today, but my actions are impacting someone else so I'll address that' when they've been met with attitude and complete disrespect to start with.
When you say excuse me to get past someone you don't know how they'll react either, but do you not do it then call them all sorts to justify it?
Smoking is one aspect of a whole person, it's just one part, but (especially on here) it seems acceptable to call people all sorts of names, make assumptions about their reactions and get in first with the insults and nastiness, rather than just be rational about it!

@beerwench are you talking to me?

We're going by experience Beerwench. A significant number (not all) of smokers just behave with no consideration whatsoever towards non smokers. The very act of lighting up beside someone who's eating in a restaurant, or in a bus shelter where non smokers are sheltering from the rain, indicates that they have very little awareness of others or consideration for them, and that their need for a cigarette comes first.

It's a bit rich to then say it is the fault of the non smoker for feeling annoyed rather than smiling and asking them if they'd mind stopping.

I think the fact that she was smoking is a red herring. Have you not noticed that this happens in all walks of life? You pick a nice peaceful spot at the beach, park, cafe and people insist on setting up camp right next to you? It's odd but there are often threads on here complaining of the same thing, just minus the smoking.

Beerwench smoking might be just one aspect of a person but it's that one aspect of them causing children to inhale carcinogens, so...

As an ex smoker, I gave up aroungd when the smoking ban came in, it amazes me how selfish I was while I was feeding my addiction. I regarded myself as considerate but in truth I simply minimised the impact on others.

Other people over eating, even if they sat right next to me, wouldn't harm my health. Overeating on the same table and smoking on the same table do not do the same damage to others. It's a silly comparison.

Yes Beerwench, but I don't want anyone, smoker or not, to sit that close to me, except my own DC.

Smokers are the only group left that people get to be judgmental and nasty about, and does it ever show!

I wonder what they'll pick on when smoking is banned in all public places? Wearing perfume? Eating chips? Farting?

I'm not a smoker but the degree of bile on this thread is ridiculous.

Tobacco tax brings £12bn a year into the treasury - if smoking was completely outlawed, that money would have to be replaced, how do you propose to do that? It's double the cost of treating smoking related conditions. Smokers tend to die younger, thus saving on pensions.

I wonder how many of you own or aspire to a wood burning stove? The enissions from those are far worse than cigarette smoke. As are traffic emissions.

Traffic emissions are not far worse than cigarette smoke. I posted about it ABOVE somewhere.

Taco I think that only applies to smoking indoors. Out of doors, in the fresh air, smoke disperses pretty quickly.

Always a treat to see folk fleeing from visible smoke yet quite content to inhale invisible toxins from vehicle emissions

People forget that diesel fumes are carcinogenic, which is why the new emission standards in the MOT are so much more stringent.

Maybe diesel cars should have a health warning on the bumpers.