WTAF? 'Using sex as a weapon'

[InspMorse]

I was waiting for my DC at an event yesterday and two young women (early 20s) sat close to me and started up a loud conversation.
There was a lot of laughter as each one described how they manipulated situations at home with their DPs/DHs. One said (word for word quote):
'You've got to use sex as a weapon... if I want him to do something for me, give me a lift, buy me something, take me out...He gets sex and I get what I want - it always works'

AIBU to think WTAF???
Do women really do this or is this unusual?

And threads about lack of sex drive in women always prompts replies about how he should do more housework, take her out for a night or away for a weekend, give her a massage or a foot rub..

Replies on threads about being concious about your weight or appearence naked or shaving elicit responses about how he should consider himself lucky or grateful to see you naked or get near your genitals.

Yep. Both men and women, even feminists, seem to perpetuate this. There's always a group of people who act as if sex is gross, prefer chocolate, he'd be so lucky etc etc.

Sadly, I fear some men like being manipulated. Was shocked (and depressed) to hear a friend of mine say this recently.

Male friend, to clarify, otherwise sensible.

I agree with you Boudicas.

It's weird because it implies that their DHs are thoughtless lazy arseholes who will only pull their weight if rewarded, and also that the women themselves don't enjoy sex on its own terms. Sad on both counts!

I think that this is becoming more common, by younger women, who actually think that this is 'empowering' or 'modern feminism' I have heard very similar things from young ladies where I work. One girl wanted tickets to a concert, she 'bribed' (her words) her bf with oral to get them. It is very depressing to see.

Sadly, I fear some men like being manipulated.

Well, the idea that 'nice' women don't like sex is still pretty prevalent, among men as well as women, so presumably for some men, the idea that their partner is only 'giving' them sex for a particular reason is reassuring, as they fear a woman who simply likes sex is more likely to be unfaithful.

There's always a group of people who act as if sex is gross, prefer chocolate, he'd b

Slightly OT, but I’m always irritated by this assumption including by other women that chocolate is always the acme of female experience (and if not, then “pampering “). There was a thread the other day posted by someone with massive physical problems with a medical procedure she was scheduled to do. Replies from several posters seemed to amount to, “Lie back and think of chocolate “

It's as old as time. Lysistrata anyone?

It's not uncommon. Would work for me.

Well, the idea that 'nice' women don't like sex is still pretty prevalent, among men as well as women

Really?

I know women who do this and it makes me die inside. I also know couples where the man will encourage the woman to go out as she's 'more up for it'when she's drunk. It's just awful.

Perpetuates the idea that sex is a duty for women rather than something they can (and should) enjoy and makes men out to be weak and easily manipulated.

Makes me shudder

And you don’t think it can be a power trip for men too?

She will only get xyz if she does xyz

And many people complain that the only time their partner is affectionate is when they want sex which is also manipulation that women are more likely to be manipulated by

It would work here.

Trouble is he knows it would work as well for him 😂🤣

Thankfully we both just do essential or nice things for each other because we want to, something to do with actually liking & loving each other! Manipulation not required.

However, when I was younger (and in other relationships) I may have used it in a lighthearted way to ‘sweeten the deal’ on occasion. It’s really not the end of the world to hint at having a good time later on if he cooks your favourite dinner and cleans up afterwards. As long as it’s lightheated and goes in both directions.

It’s pretty bloody grim if these women actually need to offer BJ’s/sex to get their boyfriends/partners to give them a lift or pull their weight around the place. Surely there’s only so long you can be in a relationship like that for before you feel completely shit about yourself? Not at all loved or valued for yourself, only the BJ’s/sex you’re willing to give? Grim.

It's absolutely grim.

In a lovibg relationship surely you both want to help each other and do nice things for each other. And you both desire each other for sex.

Such a gross narrative of men as sex-obsessed arsehole and woman as sex-hating princesses with golden pussies.

"I think it's a fundamentally unhealthy view, because it feeds into the idea that men are entitled to sex from women, though women don't like it. It's what underpins the mindset of all these scumbags who think that if they have been 'nice' to a woman often enough, she is not fulfilling her end of the bargain if she won't open her legs."

As well as that. it puts the women as gatekeepers of sex, who should be getting a good deal to give it up.

"Well, the idea that 'nice' women don't like sex is still pretty prevalent, among men as well as women"

That's really depressing to hear. We need to separate a Woman's Character/Morals from how much sex she has.

Women are still defined by their sexual behaviour, as though it's the be all and end all for her, even though, highly sexed Women usually conduct themselves much better than their equivalent Male counterpart. We certainly pick up the pieces for any subsequent children, better than they do.

I was happily promiscuous at one stage of my life and it was asked a few times why I didn't charge for it, by both Men and Women.

I have a general impression that women do often trade sex for something else, and men seldom do. I don't see anything wrong with it, and don't think it's anyone else's business if such trades are going on.

This impression has been fed by thousands of works of fiction I have consumed during my life. Perhaps I should think about how many of those books/movies were written by men. Is it possible that reality is substantially different to what fiction has led me to believe?

Though it's worth coming back to the topic of sex-and-men-who-do-housework.
It is likely that men who do their share of domestic work have happier sex lives with happier partners, but it's not so much a matter of directly trading one for the other. It's more the case that a man who doesn't pull his weight at home yet still asks for sex slowly becomes repulsive to his partner. Sex becomes another service she is expected to provide for him (because, guess what, men who consider women to be servants are also likely to be shit in bed, because sex is, to them, about their pleasure).

A man who treats his partner as a partner, does his share of the work, doesn't believe that any spare leisure time or spare money in the household is automatically his by right, is more likely to be a good lay, as well. Because he likes his partner, and considers sex something they do together, more than something he does to her.

I know my husband is more up for a shag if I’ve done some housework.

He’s knackered on the nights I’m working lots and he had to do it all

The thread is a misnomer in my opinion, sex isnt being used as a weapon it's being used as a currency

If women are unable to access money and status then one option for getting on in life is to get what you want from a man in return for sex
If I want diamond earrings I prefer to be able to earn the money to pay for them myself rather than taking it up the arse

Furthermore the diamond earrings are not for you they are a way for the man to let other men know that his woman takes it up the ass
in other words a way of bragging to other men about his sex life
She is there to advertise and bolster his alpha male status

Women use sex as currency because there are things that they need and want that they can't get for themselves
If they can get those things themselves, ie if they can earn their own money they don't need to use sex as a currency and they are free to only have sex if they find it intrinsically satisfying and rewarding

This is why we have the rise of incels, women have far less incentive to put up with rubbish sex with men who are unpleasant

Umm....

Men can buy jewellery for women with it being anything to do with ‘taking it up the arse’

We have incels because men are taught they’re entitlrd to sex. This is not a women or women’s fault

But the incels say we have incels because they can't 'get' the 'high status women' (i.e attractive as that's how women are judged) because those women only consider men with 'high status' (i.e have power and money because that's how they think men are judged).