To think when people talk about how great being single is

[mulberryflowers]

They don’t mean in your late 30s. They are usually thinking back to early/mid twenties when lots of their friends were also single and there were people to go out on mad nights with and holiday with.

To me, being on your own at my age (37) is rubbish.

I've been divorced for over 10 years. I did have a relationship after that but I've been effectively single for years and I absolutely love it. I'm older than anyone on this thread. I should have done it years ago.

I’m 39 & newly single - it’s like a breath of fresh air! I literally can’t believe how good it is compared to my previously crap relationship & pure drudgery of family life.

I can’t see me actively looking for a relationship again for a very long time, I wouldn’t want to give up what I have now.

I'm in my 30's and have been single for 3 years - I have no intention of that changing any time soon! Love being single. I was in a relationship for 13 years though so just don't want to be in another one yet. I should probably stop reading about awful relationships in AIBU as I'm sure that isn't helping!

I was single in my 30's and 40's, I was much happier then. I had plenty of good friends, and chose how I wanted to live my life.

Being single 5 years ago when my friends were single was quite good fun. There was a group of about 12 men and women and we'd go out for dinner, to gigs, away for the weekend... not necessarily all of us every time, but there was always someone to hang out with; always someone who was up for having a 'houseparty'; always someone who fancied going for a drink...

But now everyone is coupled up and it's decidedly less fun.

I don't know any single women my age and only one single man. I don't mind doing stuff on my own. I quite like doing stuff on my own. But I don't really want to do everything on my own.

Interesting range of views

SGB there may be something in that.

However, the museums, theatres, films ... I don’t take much pleasure in doing them alone. I need someone to talk about it with.

I think there are good and bad aspects to both, but I also think some people are more suited to one than the other. I would hate to be single, but I have a wonderful DP that I have been with for almost half my life and I hate the thought of not having him around.
That said I do quite like it when he's out for a late night, or even overnight! I like my space and it's nice to have a girly night or a night to myself. But I couldn't do it every day, I'm just not that sort of person.

I think there’s a huge difference between enjoying having a night/day to yourself now and again and the relentless day in/day out grind that means I do feel very lonely for much of the time, even though I do have lovely friends

I think there’s a huge difference between enjoying having a night/day to yourself now and again and the relentless day in/day out grind that means I do feel very lonely for much of the time, even though I do have lovely friends

Yes. I think it's hard to find enthusiasm when you are doing EVERTHING on your own.

38 single parent of 1.

I'm attaching he point where I don't know if I ever want to be with someone again.
my space is my space, there's no other person makinf demands of me.

the only thing I miss is physical things. but they don't outweigh what is lose to gain them.

I do know what you mean. I think there are a lot of people who think that if they'd stayed either single or child-free then they'd have had the life of a 24 year old forever (an awful lot of women seem to believe that they'd have been CEOs if they hadn't had children, too, as if everything always works out in your career if you don't have kids). It doesn't work like that. Most people's lives look very different at 40 to 25, whether or not they've got married and had kids in that time - and responsibilities tend to mount up in life whether or not you choose those specific ones.

I live 30 miles away from my DP and see him maybe once every three weeks or so. Don't know if that makes me single or what, but I LOVE living alone, having time to do my own thing (sitting in bed Mumsnetting right now as it happens despite it being nearly lunchtime), nobody nagging me to do housework or 'be busy'.

Best of both worlds. I'm 57.

The only time I see single women bang on about how great it is, is in response to it being inferred that they must be miserable, lonely and desparate for a relationship really and they are just trying to convince themselves.

I'm 53, long time single. For the most part I am happy with my lot. I have a nice house, nothing special, just a bog standard late Victorian terrace, but its big enough for me, my teen, the cat and the fish tank. We live in a small city, in a nice area which is very much a community. We are active in the community in lots of ways. I have an Ok civil service job, again nothing special, I am a small cog in a big machine but I have no great career ambitions.
Yes of course there are times when I think it would be nice to have a second income in the house, to have a bit of help - (Ive spent half term week demolishing sheds and clearing the garden). I don't claim to have a wild exciting social life, but I do have quite a nice life, one which suits me.
Why is it so hard to believe that people can be happy in different situations?

59, single and really don't want anyone other than my children in my life, thank you. Not lying either.

I think it depends on your mentality at the time. If you have left a long term relationship or marriage that was miserable, you will feel relieved and happy to be single. If you are in your early twenties, like you say, and have many friends that are also single you will be happy to be single. If, however, you have been long term single and the novelty has worn off, it won’t be the best thing.

I’m in my 40’s and single after leaving a marriage where I was often beaten and raped so fuck yes I love being single!

OP are you a parent?

I’m in my 40s and single and can’t imagine having to fit a partner (and their family) in to my life.
As a single person you get a lot of questions about why you’re single, if you’re dating, sex etc and do sometimes pre-empt the torrent by explaining why we like being single.

48 and single for the past 9 years - perfectly happy and NOT lying about it - why would i?

Some people are perfectly happy in their own company! It’s not a lie to say you enjoy being single and I’m sure 99% of single people aren’t lying

Single and independent is so different to single with kids though.

Single with kids is fantastic.

Single and on your own is lonely.

I wasn't lonely before I adopted my son, I don't anticipate being lonely once he has flown the nest.

Alone is not the same as lonely, you can be lonely in a relatioship.

I appreciate that someone else may feel lonely, why can you not accept that some of us aren't

I suppose I’d be interested in knowing how people don’t feel down when the third week of not really seeing anyone ‘properly’ comes round?

I'd like to know that too.

When you've read, and had a long soak in a candlelit bath, and you've been for a walk in the park, and you've played your instruments, and you've done your classes and you've pottered around in the garden, and you've made the lunch, and you've reorganised the utility, and you've been to the cinema and the theatre and seen a live music gig in a tiny out of town pub and been to a classical concert and you've done a weekend in a nice b&b in another city and you've been for a swim and you've done all of that on your own and you know that, whatever you do next, you'll also be doing that on your own...

How do people not feel down down when they've done everything they can?

because I am content with what I have, I'm not constantly thinking about what I don't have, whether thats relationships, houses, cars, a 'better' job. I focus on what I do have.

I have my moments, but mostly its just fine as it is, because I've created a life, thats mine. And I really rather like it.