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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU about DH not texting a reply?

38 replies

GoldenKelpie · 01/06/2018 07:06

Yesterday we arranged to meet in a nearby city, DH going there earlier in the afternoon as he needed to go to a central bank for financial advice, me getting train in after work to meet for tea.

I sent him a text once I was on train with details of what time and what platform I would be arriving on. I never received a reply by the time I got off train and he wasn't there waiting so assumed that he may be still in bank. Went to a favourite store to browse and after 20 minutes phoned his phone (I wanted to check his phone was switched on in the first place). It was, he answered.

"Where are you I am at station platform waiting."

"I am at XX store browsing, you didn't reply to my text so I assumed you were still at bank and hadn't seen it".

Argument ensued Sad.

Apparently I should have assumed he had got message. He had gone to another platform first (this was the usual platform that this train would stop at rather than the one I had stated it would stop at).

"Why didn't you wait for 30 seconds for me to arrive at platform?" "Why didn't you text me again if I wasn't there straight away?"

"I didn't know whether you had seen my original text, why didn't you send a text acknowledging mine?"

And round and round went the argument.

Gah!

Should I have texted or phoned him again once I arrived at platform and he wasn't there? Should he have replied to my original text saying "ok, see you soon" which I would have done and I would have known he had received text?"

OP posts:
hidinginthenightgarden · 01/06/2018 07:09

He should have responded. Plus if he actually read your text he would have been at the right platform when you arrived!

MaverickSnoopy · 01/06/2018 07:09

Sounds like you'd planned to meet at the station. If I'd arrived and my DH was not there but I expected him to be, I would have called rather than going elsewhere. Had he not answered I probably would have waited in the station for a bit.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 01/06/2018 07:13

Both wrong.

He should have replied, you’re not psychic and you should have called and not just walked off shopping.

Oysterbabe · 01/06/2018 07:14

I would have called or text again in that scenario.

londonrach · 01/06/2018 07:14

Why didnt you call him rather than wonder off shopping

Frosty66612 · 01/06/2018 07:15

He should have acknowledged your message, but you should have called before going off shopping.

HomeisbytheBay · 01/06/2018 07:18

YABBU and poor communicators!

DH should you text back.
You should have phoned when you arrived when there was no sign of him
You should of text him to let him know where you were going had you not been able to reach him.
DH should have phoned you when he realised you weren't where he expected you to be.

Kintan · 01/06/2018 07:19

I would have phoned him for sure - people don’t always hear a text alert but a phone ringing usually gets their attention.

Bibesia · 01/06/2018 07:24

Why do people get into these stupid situations because they'd rather rely on text than phoning?

AprilShowers16 · 01/06/2018 07:26

I would have just called if I couldn’t see him when I got off the train. Would have assumed he was on his way or looking for me. That said why didn’t he call you when he got there and you weren’t there? It’s not really about who is right or wrong just general common sense in trying to find each other.

georgeisadinosaur · 01/06/2018 07:27

As above really, think its a bit odd you left the station and went shopping rather than try him again.

I'd have called when I got close to the station if no reply just to confirm what i'd text and check he'd recieved it if no reply, he should have responded though.

Ohmydayslove · 01/06/2018 07:31

I think you are both numptys and you both need to put this behind you and move on. Smile

Ohyesiam · 01/06/2018 07:33

He should have replied. If I’d thought he was still in on the bank i wouldn’t have called as pps are suggesting.

Ellie56 · 01/06/2018 07:36

You both need to communicate better. Hmm

FuckPants · 01/06/2018 07:39

You're both in the wrong but you more so, why didn't you wait a few minutes?

Laiste · 01/06/2018 07:47
  • He went to the wrong platform even though you'd told him the right one. That suggests he didn't even read the text properly. So even if he'd acknowledged the text he'd still have gone to the wrong place.
  • If he hadn't been at the platform when i got off the train i'd have rung him. Sometimes texts don't arrive straight away.

fault for mix up = 6 of one half a dozen of the other :)

polsha · 01/06/2018 07:50

Surely you would just phone your husband to see where he was Confused

So much time wasted on needless arguments, is this what your marriage is generally like? No communication and a desire to lay blame; if it is, get out now. What a depressing way to live your life.

DunnoWhy · 01/06/2018 07:51

If it was me, when i arrived and no sign of him, I would ring his phone. If he is at the bank and therefore cannot talk, either he would still pick up the phone and tell me that, or if his phone remains unanswered I would text him to tell where I am going now and for him to call me/text me.

You also say you arrived at a different platform than the usual. So he actually saw your text but skim read it, not noticing about the platform change.

All boils down to difference in communication styles.
My dh doesn't communicate well via text. In his texts he doesn't cover all basis, leaves question marks for me which i need to clarify and If I make an assumption, sometimes it's not the correct one and I used to get irritated. If I ask him more than one question related to each other in one text, he replies to only one of them and sometimes it's impossible to know what he replies to. He's bad like that. So I devoped a way; I emphasise anything unusual and always i finish my texts "pls acknowledge this so I'll know that you got my text" and he sends me a thumbs up emoji. That way i know he's got the message and neither of us make any assumption.

However, he's in the wrong by not acknowledging your text in the first place. He sees things from his way of thinking : ie you are arriving and waiting for him even if he doesn't bother to reply. Like he's the centre of the action Smile .

NoWordForFluffy · 01/06/2018 07:53

I'd have called DH in that situation. Surely that would've been the easiest way to resolve it? (He's also a bugger for not replying to me, so I'm used to having to check up on stuff!)

GertrudeBelle · 01/06/2018 07:55

You were wrong to wander off. You had said you would be in a certain place at a certain time, and so should have been there.

adaline · 01/06/2018 07:58

If you'd arranged to meet him at the station, why on earth did you wander off to the shops? Why not just ring him if he wasn't there?

BeyondThePage · 01/06/2018 08:04

I would have phoned.

Text is not actually an immediate service and can take some time to get through at busy times.

toomuchtooold · 01/06/2018 08:06

If he has any kind of form for this, or if you're fairly recently married (as in, last 3 years) then no YANBU. If you start it, this will become your job - following up your text with a call to check he's got your text because he couldn't be bothered to text back "OK", doing his thinking for him and going to find him in the train station because he didn't read your text properly, and so on. Bugger that. Let him feel the consequences of his actions and then he will learn to read your texts and acknowledge them.

AnnieAnoniMouser · 01/06/2018 08:07

You’re both in the wrong.

He should have acknowledged your text & you should have phoned him, not gone shopping.

VivaKondo · 01/06/2018 08:15

He should have acknowledged your text and shouod have texted you/rung you when he didn’t see you at the platform. What on Earth did he do for 20 mins if he knew the train had arrived, you were in that train but nowhere to be seen?

I personally would have send another text. I agree that if you knew he was. I wouod have assumed, he was still busy and hadn’t seen the text. I would have done it in a ‘just in case he arrived before I came back’.

More importantly though, I think it depends on how your u both normally are. If he is normally extremely punctual, always in time, I would definitely ring him. If being late is a normal thing, I wouod have gone shopping and expected an answer message whenever he was ready iyswim.