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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about DH not texting a reply?

38 replies

GoldenKelpie · 01/06/2018 07:06

Yesterday we arranged to meet in a nearby city, DH going there earlier in the afternoon as he needed to go to a central bank for financial advice, me getting train in after work to meet for tea.

I sent him a text once I was on train with details of what time and what platform I would be arriving on. I never received a reply by the time I got off train and he wasn't there waiting so assumed that he may be still in bank. Went to a favourite store to browse and after 20 minutes phoned his phone (I wanted to check his phone was switched on in the first place). It was, he answered.

"Where are you I am at station platform waiting."

"I am at XX store browsing, you didn't reply to my text so I assumed you were still at bank and hadn't seen it".

Argument ensued Sad.

Apparently I should have assumed he had got message. He had gone to another platform first (this was the usual platform that this train would stop at rather than the one I had stated it would stop at).

"Why didn't you wait for 30 seconds for me to arrive at platform?" "Why didn't you text me again if I wasn't there straight away?"

"I didn't know whether you had seen my original text, why didn't you send a text acknowledging mine?"

And round and round went the argument.

Gah!

Should I have texted or phoned him again once I arrived at platform and he wasn't there? Should he have replied to my original text saying "ok, see you soon" which I would have done and I would have known he had received text?"

OP posts:
VivaKondo · 01/06/2018 08:19

Also he says he had read your text BUT somehow didn’t registered the change in platform.
So he skimmed read it, if he read it at all.
He didn’t ring you when you werent there, which means you have no way of knowing if he arrived with the train or 15mins later (and then made it all about it being your fault for him to have to wait 5 mins).

I have to say, I would be really annoyed of this was an ongoing thing, with him not reading texts properly, not answering but then expecting you to do all the leg workto ensure he is at the right at the right time

Forgottencoffee · 01/06/2018 08:30

I would expect a reply but if I hadn’t received one and I couldn’t find him at the station I would have text to say can’t find you, going to this shop let me know when you’re here

paranoidanxiety2018 · 01/06/2018 08:33

Yabsu, yes he could have replied to your txt but perhaps he didnt see the need? I always do txt bk myself even if it's a quick "ok cool" cos it feels awkward and unfinished if I don't, however people like my dad or grandad wouldn't reply to an instructional txt like that as they don't see the point as they have recieved the info needed so why "waste a text", plus they are the type who "will be were supposed to be" unless they make contact 2 say otherwise.

Why did u leave the platform thou? And go shopping for 20mins? Why wouldn't you ring him as soon as you realised he wasn't there to meet you? I understand meetings can overrun but there is nothing rude about saying "sorry I must answer this" and then letting u knw and calling u back when finished 2 rearrange meet up, In fact if I was the person holding the meeting, I would think some1 incredibly rude if they just cut a phone call off like that.

I'm not 100% sure how/why this ended in an arguement/bickering with a tit for tat style attitude? Are you both very "I must win the arguement" or is there something more going on? You don't have to answer as it might be vdry private but just seems an odd thing 2 have a bit of a row over.

If this is a regular occurrence, (the lack of replies), then I suggest both of u getting whatsapp as wen u send a txt you get sent, delivered and read 'ticks' so u will know in future the state of play reg whether he has actually read the msg or not...

Hope u are all ok today x

londoneast · 01/06/2018 08:46

I think the ops in the wrong more than dh

Mousefunky · 01/06/2018 08:49

I would have called him when I arrived had I not received a reply.

Aridane · 01/06/2018 08:53

So how was DH ever supposed to find oas you’d buggered off shopping and notold him? Or were you just making a point?

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 01/06/2018 08:57

Op not coming back?

FASH84 · 01/06/2018 09:03

Both wrong, he should've replied to your text to confirm where at the station he'd meet you (platform, entrance etc) and when you got there you should've called him when you didn't see him. It sounds like you were annoyed he didn't text back so thought sod it he can wait around I'll go shopping. It's a bit passive aggressive

mumeeee · 01/06/2018 09:51

YABU. You had already arranged when and where you were going to meet.
You should have at least waited a few minutes. Then phone if he hadn't arrived.

Original poster
GoldenKelpie · 01/06/2018 09:58

Thanks a million for your replies. It's really been helpful to me to get a wider perspective and made me realise that yes, we both made errors of judgement here and handled a simple arrangement badly.

To assume makes an assessment out of u and me Grin.

OP posts:
Original poster
GoldenKelpie · 01/06/2018 09:58

Sorry that should have said "ass" not assessment.

OP posts:
Original poster
GoldenKelpie · 01/06/2018 09:59

I'll may show this thread to DH later when I get back from work.

OP posts:
NorthernKnickers · 01/06/2018 10:14

YABU...you should have called (I actually can't get past the fact that you just buggered off without checking where he was first!)

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