To want to throttle DP

[Peregrine1]

Peregrine1

Partner ages ago said he wanted a baby. We talked about it. I took some convincing but agreed in the end. We’ve been together 5 years and are happy. Not married because I don’t want to for reasons unrelated to this (he did ask).

A year on during, which we’ve had a lot of unprotected sex, I’m late. I’m never late. Also got signs that I might be pregnant such as the sore boobs and loads of cervical discharge in the luteal phase which isn’t normal.

But all pee tests have been negative. 5 days late now. Tried first response early ones. Done the tests right. Booked it to see Drs

However being late seems to have done something weird to my partner. He broke down in tears saying he didn’t want to lose his freedom and he wasn’t ready for a baby. He’s suggesting abortion now 😕. He wants time to enjoy being with me and having fun rather than the stress of a baby.

Is this normal? Should I take him at his word and make decisions what to do based on that or could this just be fear? Would it be unreasonable to throttle him.....

Well, it sounds like your best course of action, is to terminate the relationship (let him free to have his fun) and if you don't want to go it alone, to terminate the pregnancy, if you are pregnant.

What worries me, is if you stayed with him, but did go ahead and have an abortion, he would then throw it in your face, saying that he was just having a crisis at the enormity of it all, and you knew how much he wanted a baby.

I'd make my own decision, assuming that if I continued the pregnancy I would be doing so as a single parent.
Whatever decision I made re the pregnancy, I'd be rethinking the relationship.

My relationship would never recover from aborting at dps request the baby he begged me to have. It would be dead- how could you ever trust him on a major decision again?

You should throttle him.

"Fuming" is a word that's overused on MN. Yours is the first post I've read that would justify being fuming, and you haven't used the word!

He's a selfish, unreliable manchild. Throttle throttle throttle.

What was his approach to "convincing" you to try for a baby in the first place?

I am going to go against the grain here and say his reaction is not ok at all, but it's most likely a temporary panic. DH and I were actively trying but when I fell pregnant after only a month he was stunned and reacted VERY BADLY. Head in hands saying his life was over. Hours of silence. I actually cried so much at his horrible, HORRIBLE reaction. The following day when he was still being a wanker I really yelled at him and to be honest it took a few weeks for him to come around properly (around the time of the 6 week scan). I asked him how he would feel if I lost the baby and he admitted it would be awful. Anyway, he is the most loving and attentive father-to-be now, he adores talking to the baby and reading him stories and he is utterly and absolutely ashamed of his reaction.

The point of my ramble is what if he is just going through something similar? A bit of a panic? DH and I laugh about it now, and he wants to have the change when I announce a second pregnancy of having the "right" reaction!

Everything that Bluntness100 said.

He wants you to have an abortion just because he's changed his mind?

How would you ever trust anything he ever said again?

crispy did he ask you to have an abortion?

Motoko

No - although the way he was acting I am sure it crossed his mind. I am not trying to say it's as bad (it's not), I am just saying that this might be a horrendous, unfortunate and completely disproportionate level of panic now that what he wanted has actually happened. It's not excusing his behaviour because it's shameful, I just wanted to say sometimes after a bit of time they can pull it back from the abyss. Which would be the best case scenario here IMO, otherwise OP is looking at losing a husband and potentially single parenthood or abortion. Very easy for people to advise those things but obviously incredibly hard decisions to make.

Well he’s come home very apologetic tonight and saying he was panicking. We’ve had a talk and I’ve told him to have a hard think about what he wants. He finished by saying he was being stupid and he will think it through but he’ll probably want to keep it if I am.

Putting a pin in it for now. I think he feels enough of a shit for yesterday without me adding to it.

I pleased you've talked about it.
And he seems to have stopped panicking.
I hope everything works out for you.

OP I am pleased to hear this - in a couple of months hopefully this will all be a distant and unbelievable memory as he dotes on you and the bump!