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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want to throttle DP

62 replies

Peregrine1 · 31/05/2018 15:06

Peregrine1

Partner ages ago said he wanted a baby. We talked about it. I took some convincing but agreed in the end. We’ve been together 5 years and are happy. Not married because I don’t want to for reasons unrelated to this (he did ask).

A year on during, which we’ve had a lot of unprotected sex, I’m late. I’m never late. Also got signs that I might be pregnant such as the sore boobs and loads of cervical discharge in the luteal phase which isn’t normal.

But all pee tests have been negative. 5 days late now. Tried first response early ones. Done the tests right. Booked it to see Drs

However being late seems to have done something weird to my partner. He broke down in tears saying he didn’t want to lose his freedom and he wasn’t ready for a baby. He’s suggesting abortion now 😕. He wants time to enjoy being with me and having fun rather than the stress of a baby.

Is this normal? Should I take him at his word and make decisions what to do based on that or could this just be fear? Would it be unreasonable to throttle him.....

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 31/05/2018 15:48

Sorry not plural baby! ... your (plural) baby.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 31/05/2018 15:56

I think throttling him is an under reaction to this.

He persuaded YOU to have a baby. You have both spent a year TTC and he's now done a 180!?!?!? Fucking hell.

OK, best case scenario - fear, he's just freaking out at the idea. He will calm down and be a happy dad to be.

Worst case scenario - he actually means it, starts to resent you if you want to have it... that would be the end of the relationship for me. No question. He's asking you to play Russian Roulette with your womb then chickening out...? Flakey fucker.

Original poster
Peregrine1 · 31/05/2018 16:10

Obviously I’m working on confirming if it’s happened. Plans are to try a different brand of test after waiting yet more days, then Drs which will be at 10 days late and finally if nothings told me one way or the other I’ll pay for a private scan. Don’t want to dally on the nhs as if it is going to be a termination I want it in the timescale to take the pill.

In fairness to him in all other ways he’s the most loving supportive partner I could ask for. So much so that this has totally blindsided me. I checked and double checked he was sure before I let do It unprotected.

OP posts:
evergreen7 · 31/05/2018 16:21

It's different having a surprise pregnancy, however he persuaded you, he wanted a baby first and has been actively trying for one for the past year and now you're potentially pregnant he's asking you to go through an abortion? Your body is not his toy.
I would be seriously considering leaving him, pregnant or not.

cjt110 · 31/05/2018 16:21

Peregrine - when is your GP appointment? I know my GP wouldn't do anything more than the tests I had already done. They said that the tests are as good as NHS ones so congratulated me.

Motoko · 31/05/2018 16:27

Do YOU want a termination? You haven't said.

Flexoset · 31/05/2018 16:36

Wow

You already have a baby

Original poster
Peregrine1 · 31/05/2018 16:37

I don’t know. It’s not ideal but I do not want to have a baby alone or force him into it

OP posts:
Flexoset · 31/05/2018 16:38

In all seriousness, he should see a psychotherapist pronto. And that's taking the lenient view and assuming he has a psychological problem, rather than just being a twat.

Audree · 31/05/2018 16:43

I don’t think this qualifies as forcing him into it.

Italiangreyhound · 31/05/2018 16:44

My friend told his partner yes, lets try for a baby. A few weeks later he said he had changed his mind! It was too late!

They had their baby and another and are still together almost 2 decades later. I really think once your partner gives himself a shake, he will realise that this is not the end of the world and when he meets his child he may feel very happy. I hope so.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 31/05/2018 16:45

You don't even know if you're pregnant yet and he's crying and talking about a termination?? He sounds very dramatic! Does he normally overreact to situations or is this out of character for him?

PuppetOnAString · 31/05/2018 16:57

You aren’t forcing him in to anything, he chose to have unprotected sex. A termination could end your relationship as much as keeping it could.

Bluntness100 · 31/05/2018 17:02

Oh this would be a deal breaker for me. A man who goes out of his way to get a woman pregnant then at the merest sniff he has, starts crying, wanting abortion and saying he wants his freedom.

I'm sorry id walk. That would turn me off to the level I couldn't be turned back on again. Immature, irresponsible, selfish, and really unattractive.

Your call if you wish to be with someone like this, but it's not normal, he's no kid, he's a grown man in his 30s, albeit a snivelling one, but personally I couldn't be with a man like that.

But to answer your question it's far from normal.

TheLionRoars1110 · 31/05/2018 17:05

He sounds very immature tbh. You haven't pressured him into having a baby. By all accounts he has pressured you!!
I'd be leaving him. He's far from supportive when he doesn't like something. Is this really the man you want to rely on if you're sick or broke or have MH issues? I don't think you'd be wise to trust him... I think you'll be seeing him walk out if something happens which he doesn't like (after crying and making excuses).

MatildaTheCat · 31/05/2018 17:08

If you were to have a termination it would almost definitely kill your relationship.

He’s not the first and certainly won’t be the last person to have a total panic at the prospect of a real life baby. It’s not in the slightest attractive and, for me, would take a lot of getting past but I wouldn’t even have the conversation until you have your pregnancy status confirmed.

And obviously if you want to baby you keep the baby. He gets no say.

mimibunz · 31/05/2018 17:10

A throttle is in order. And a long conversation. He has no right to change his mind like that.

mynameyourname · 31/05/2018 17:11

I would be seriously considering leaving him, pregnant or not.

I think the same, and I truly don't say that lightly.

You say that in fairness to him, he's loving and supportive in all other ways. But really, this is a REALLY BIG WAY to not be loving or supportive. This is about as fickle and unsupportive you can get, to the point where it cancels out pretty much anything else he could possibly to.

I'm sorry to say it, but I do think it's the truth.

mynameyourname · 31/05/2018 17:12

*he could possibly do.

moomoo85 · 31/05/2018 17:24

I don't think his response is that abnormal (maybe vocalising it is). When I got pregnant the first time I had an overwhelming feeling of terror and suddenly felt that this was the worst idea ever. This was a planned pregnancy and very much wanted. I just needed a few days to get my head around what was a life changing piece of news. True he probably could of reacted in a more supportive way but he is probably feeling terror at the prospect of life changing.

If it turns out you are pregnant just give him some time and let him know how what he has said has made you feel.

Bluntness100 · 31/05/2018 17:26

As said this would end it for me too. It's one thing to panic for an unexpected pregnancy, but to proactively talk your partner into pregnancy, try for a year, then when you think she might be, and don't even know, start crying and discussing abortion is terrible behaviour.

I'd think something had changed in the relationship for him as well.

ReadytoTalk · 31/05/2018 17:28

I planned a pregnancy. I still bloody panicked at the positive test because i was terrified that my life was about to change. What's wrong with that?

Aquamarine1029 · 31/05/2018 17:32

Your "supportive" and "loving" partner wants YOU to go through an abortion just because he still wants to have "fun." Let that really sink in for a minute.

That is honestly one of the most fucked up, selfish things I've ever heard. I think his true colours have finally shown themselves, loud and clear. I would kick that pig so far out of my life he would be in orbit.

mynameyourname · 31/05/2018 17:37

I planned a pregnancy. I still bloody panicked at the positive test because i was terrified that my life was about to change. What's wrong with that?

Yes but did you tell your partner that you'd changed your mind, still wanted to have fun, and wanted to have an abortion?

KERALA1 · 31/05/2018 17:40

I felt I was pregnant took a test it was negative but I jolly well was she's sitting next to me scoffing crisps.