Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not believe the funeral parlour

61 replies

Youvegotafriendinme · 31/05/2018 10:07

My DM passed 2 weeks ago and we have her funeral and cremation next week. My DDad has been told by the funeral parlour we are using that absolutely nothing can go in her coffin with her (all wedding rings and jewellery removed and we can’t put in photos etc.) as the coffin is scanned and anything not ‘body or clothes matter’ is detected and the cremation will be stopped and we could be fined.
This doesn’t sit right with me and I just don’t believe them. We cremated my DH grandad last year and we put things in the coffin.
How do I go about finding out if this is true? I’d be so upset if I found out they were lying. She wanted to be wearing certain jewellery and pictures of all her grandkids to take with her

OP posts:
divadee · 31/05/2018 10:09

Call the crematorium and ask directly. Even ask if they could email the answer to you so you have it in writing to take to the funeral directors. To be honest I have never heard of thia before.

Sorry for your loss xxx

ShatnersWig · 31/05/2018 10:09

Easily. Contact the crematorium. If there is such a rule, it will be them that made it, not the funeral director.

Sirzy · 31/05/2018 10:13

I agree check with the funeral parlour.

We certainly put things in with my grandparents (christening invite which I had written a few days before for my Nan, diary he went nowhere without for my grandpa that type of thing)

Sirzy · 31/05/2018 10:13

Not funeral parlour, crematorium

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/05/2018 10:26

I hope you are allowed. However if you are burying the ashes you may be allowed to put things in the box or grave then. We did recently.

busybarbara · 31/05/2018 10:28

There are different styles of crematorium furnace which may affect what can go in.

EleanorHooverbelt · 31/05/2018 10:29

I am sorry to hear about your DM Flowers.

I found this information for you:-

scattering-ashes.co.uk/help-advice/funeral/cremation-faq/

"What happens to object that not combustible e.g. metal nails or jewellery?

A magnet removes the ferrous parts and other metals (which now fused with other material and not recognisable) are removed and buried at a depth in the crematoria grounds or removed for recovery.

Therefore, the best advice would be not to leave jewellery on the deceased as it won’t be part of the ashes you receive back and it can’t be retrieved."

I agree with pp to definitely double-check with local crematorium.

ShoeJunkie · 31/05/2018 10:29

My mum had various things cremated with her. I wrote her a letter, DF put a small soft toy in for her.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 31/05/2018 10:30

I hope you are allowed. When DM died last year I put photos, a card I'd written and her last dog's ashes and there wasn't a problem.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 31/05/2018 10:35

I rang the funeral directors who are doing my sibling's funeral next week and asked if I could put a poem in the coffin (they're being cremated). They said that would be fine.

Jewellery I can kind of understand for technical reasons.

ThePants999 · 31/05/2018 10:39

Does this funeral director also fine people who fail to remove pacemakers / braces / surgical pins etc from their loved ones' bodies before cremation? It's obviously ridiculous.

Vitalogy · 31/05/2018 10:44

Sorry for your loss.

As PP have mentioned check with the crematorium. I wonder if this is a new rule they've had to bring in due to some placing items in coffins where it's caused a problem with the process or machinery.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 31/05/2018 10:44

Hmmmm when we cremated my grandmother 10 years ago we had to remove her jewellery, which really upset me. She had worn her wedding ring and cross for 60 years.

UtterlyDesperate · 31/05/2018 10:44

Sorry for your situation Flowers

With my DGM, it wasn't allowed to put anything in-we had to remove her wedding ring etc. It was a rule specific to the crem, iirc.

SlowlyWaking · 31/05/2018 10:52

My OH is a funeral director - they remove pacemakers as they can cause significant damage which might be why they've started scanning in case its been missed by somebody recently. You're also not allowed coconuts (random) or alcohol in the coffins as they can explode.

Other than that he cant think of anything else which wouldnt be allowed and agrees on contacting the crematorium for confirmation.

UserV · 31/05/2018 10:57

I am really sorry for your loss, but I can't fathom why you would want all these items in the coffin when the body is being cremated. The items will be destroyed.

Why don't you just keep them in a little trinket box - maybe next to your mother's ashes? (if you keep them.)

FASH84 · 31/05/2018 10:57

My gran's jewellery wasn't allowed to be with her but a letter, and two photos were fine

Bluelady · 31/05/2018 11:00

So sorry for your loss. We put a photo in my dad's coffin.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 31/05/2018 11:02

pacemakers

A doctor has to sign that the deceased doesn’t have a pacemaker as they could explode.

(As a point of interest a doctor gets a small some of money for the certification - this is known as “ash cash”. There is also “bash cash” where people’s injuries are certified for court cases.)

happypoobum · 31/05/2018 11:02

We weren't allowed to leave my Grandads wedding ring - I think it's fairly usual for a cremation.

LartenCrepsley · 31/05/2018 11:04

My DH’s lovely Nan died last year. She was cremated without her jewellery but with letters, photos and a last cigarette.

BarbaraofSevillle · 31/05/2018 11:04

Some pacemakers have a battery powered by a radioactive isotope, which is why they can't go in crematoria as the whole furnace would be contaminated, there would be radioactive material released into the environment and it would make the ashes dangerous to handle (the properties of the isotope (plutonium-238) means that it is quite safe where it is sealed in one lump in the pacemaker, but it is very dangerous when it is converted into dust that could be breathed in.

Their trade associations code of conduct cites 'environmental reasons' for not allowing certain items to be cremated.

www.fbca.org.uk/instructions-for-funeral-directors

This might not be what you want to hear at this distressing time, but the rules are there for a reason. I wanted to send a present I bought my Dad a few weeks before he died with him in his coffin for cremation, but couldn't because of these sorts of rules.

UlySeeeEyyysEyyss · 31/05/2018 11:11

My ex BIL had some friends that used to work at the crem (long time ago late teens/early 20's), they we quite open about the fact that they used to take any jewelry left on people and sell it. After all the family would never know. Scumbags.

I've always remembered that and have it written down that I have no jewelry on me when I'm dead and go to the crem.

ReanimatedSGB · 31/05/2018 11:12

I think they are perhaps being a bit over-enthusiastic by banning letters and photos - we put those in with my dad, and he was cremated with his glasses on.

But PP are right about things like pacemakers being potentially very dangerous.

NewYearNewMe18 · 31/05/2018 11:13

You pay an awful lot of money for coffins, and brass plates and handles, all of which come right off and go back to the undertaker to be resold, even the lids come off.

No metal can go in, so that precludes jewelry, pace makers, plates and so forth.

Plastics cant go in either.

Swipe left for the next trending thread