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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not believe the funeral parlour

61 replies

Youvegotafriendinme · 31/05/2018 10:07

My DM passed 2 weeks ago and we have her funeral and cremation next week. My DDad has been told by the funeral parlour we are using that absolutely nothing can go in her coffin with her (all wedding rings and jewellery removed and we can’t put in photos etc.) as the coffin is scanned and anything not ‘body or clothes matter’ is detected and the cremation will be stopped and we could be fined.
This doesn’t sit right with me and I just don’t believe them. We cremated my DH grandad last year and we put things in the coffin.
How do I go about finding out if this is true? I’d be so upset if I found out they were lying. She wanted to be wearing certain jewellery and pictures of all her grandkids to take with her

OP posts:
sashh · 31/05/2018 11:22

Does this funeral director also fine people who fail to remove pacemakers / braces / surgical pins etc from their loved ones' bodies before cremation?

You need a 'cremation certificate' from a Dr saying pacemakers have been removed or that the pins will not interfere with the cremation.

Pacemakers used to be well known for exploding and breaking cremation furnaces.

Not to mention the distress to family if they were still in the crematoria.

rainbowruthie · 31/05/2018 11:24

I am so sorry for your loss Flowers
As previous posters I would ring the crematorium for info

Mummylin · 31/05/2018 11:25

I was able to put a ball of wool, a bag of sweets, family photos and a letter in with my mum, no problem at all. I have heard about pacemakers being removed though.

TheViceOfReason · 31/05/2018 11:27

Generally burnable items are ok - paper, photos etc, but metals are not.

Kualabear · 31/05/2018 11:27

Doubt there would be a problem with paper based stuff - photos, letters etc ( and they certainly wouldn't show up on a 'scanner'). Who in their right mind would want to put a 'phone in though?

Curtainshopping · 31/05/2018 11:28

Wouldn’t it be nicer to keep her jewellery?

SlowlyWaking · 31/05/2018 11:32

Coffins are held together by nails... of course metals can go in.

Why would they take lids off? Thats a huge health and safety risk.

Vitalogy · 31/05/2018 11:58

You pay an awful lot of money for coffins, and brass plates and handles, all of which come right off and go back to the undertaker to be resold, even the lids come off. I always wondered this, in fact I thought they might re use the coffins as well. Although I did notice a coffin with plastic handles one of the times. Doesn't sit right with me either way.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 31/05/2018 11:58

I have a huge metal pole in my back.

I wonder if I'm allowed to be cremated...

They wouldn't be able to remove it; I'd snap in half Grin

boatass · 31/05/2018 11:59

Why would you want to mix her ashes with photos?

IJustHadToNameChange · 31/05/2018 12:06

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1279940/

Research has been done into exploding pacemakers.

All non-combustible materials must be removed - jewellery is the obvious one.

Angie169 · 31/05/2018 12:15

My DH was cremated with his snooker cue a newspaper with half the crossword done ( he rarely finished one ) and a pen .it was my choice for him not to wear his wedding and engagement ring.

Thehop · 31/05/2018 12:18

Jewellery is a nono but my dad had photos letters and 2 cigars in with him. One for him and one for him to give my uncle.

So sorry for you loss. Xx

Mydogmylife · 31/05/2018 12:37

The pants - you have to 'declare' pacemakers etc to the funeral directors/ crematorium and they take care of these for you - it's for safety issues , not just being a PIA.

pigmcpigface · 31/05/2018 12:39

I'm so, so sorry for your loss. Flowers

While I can totally see the arguments made by PPs about pacemakers, jewellery etc I can't understand why paper would be forbidden, or even how it would be detectable by scanners. Surely a letter, photo or poem couldn't do much harm?

I wish you all the best at this difficult time.

Aragog · 31/05/2018 12:40

Could you have a vest or something printed with the children's images? That may then get over that rule perhaps?

I hope you find a solution.

CookPassBabtridge · 31/05/2018 12:43

My dad couldn't even wear his own clothes! Had to be in a special robe with paisley pattern, he would have looked down and thought he looked a right daft sod.

Tinkobell · 31/05/2018 12:49

Sorry for your sad loss and lack of kindesss from funeral directors. I can understand the jewellery thing. Reason being that post-cremation, some family might say or ask whereabouts of any precious melted metals and any precious stones are ...then an internal questioning of crematorium staff etc....all at a very sad and distressing time.
I hope you get the answers your are hoping for and I hope it goes smoothly for you.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 31/05/2018 12:54

*Plastics cant go in either8

Funnily enough a friend and I were discussing this only a couple of hours ago. We wondered did breast implant etc just melt onto the base of the crem oven, or do they have to be removed like pacemakers.

Pandora79 · 31/05/2018 12:55

Anything paper or cardboard was allowed when we cremated my aunty. Jewellery wasn't allowed or anything not easily burned. The plaque and handles from the coffin were removed.

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 31/05/2018 13:01

I'm sorry for your loss Flowers

The crematorium we used for my Dad back in March don't allow jewellery or other items in the coffin (wasn't an issue for me as there was nothing to go in with him). Agree with pps call the crematorium direct or look on the website (there's usually a link on your County Council page).

MsSquiz · 31/05/2018 13:20

When my DM died last year we visited her at the funeral home and my aunt had put in 3 photos and a wooden cross and I placed a letter in the coffin with her. As far as I am aware, she was cremated with them.
In fact, the funeral director encouraged me to put a letter I had wrote her "to be with her"

FrancisCrawford · 31/05/2018 13:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pasturesgreen · 31/05/2018 13:39

YY to checking with the crematorium.

When my grandma was cremated we were told absolutely no jewellery/anything metallic, but photos were fine.

5foot5 · 31/05/2018 13:45

Also sorry for your loss.

I lost my Mum about 18 months ago and she was cremated. My sisters and I sorted through her clothes and chose what we thought would be a nice outfit that she would like to be in. However, when we took it to the undertaker he said there were regulations about what could be included and I think certain synthetic fibres were not allowed so we had to change our choice.

We did include a small photo of Dad though and there was no issue about that.