AIBU or is Ex a CF?

[AEFT]

ExDP is a flake, doesn't pay maintenance and fails to stick to his plan to see DD age 4 once a fortnight for an hour or so.
Due to past experiences and events I don't allow him to have DD on his own- he lives with people who deal and bring things into the house I don't want my DD around.

Most of the time, if its raining, he won't try to plan for this and I end up paying for us to have lunch somewhere so he can still see her without her getting soaking wet.

On a few occasions he's suggested going out for a meal and offering to pay- then we get there and he'll announce he's not going to eat because he's just eaten, then reveal he's only bought £10/£20 out with him anyway. In the past I've ended up paying for more than half of the bill so he can actually eat a meal with his DD instead of sitting there watching us.

AIBU to resent having to spend out money to enable them to see each other? It's not like I have any financial support from him, or ever have. I think it's really cheeky he continues to expect me to fund him seeing DD.

FWIW once he's met up 3 times in a row without bailing out or cancelling he can have DD on his own. It's been 3 years and he hasn't managed to be consistent yet.

Nooooooo!!!! Why did you even text him in the first place? Don't contact him again. Wait for him to contact you if he wants to see his DD. So if tomorrow goes ahead, when you're leaving, tell him to contact you to make arrangements. The end.

6pm been and gone and no text!

Well that's freed up my weekend!
I won't be contacting him asking him to see her again, I'll wait till he next gets in touch. Could be anywhere from a week to half a year tbh knowing him

I wouldn't bother letting him see her again, he's more trouble to her when he's dropping in and out of her life. What a loser.

Hes just messaged me saying sorry he was working but he'd like to meet then.

Help me out again please mumsnetters, should I soften and meet him or stick to what I said before about making alternative plans?

Yes if he has agreed to the time and place you suggested then go.

Not everyone can instantly respond to texts if working.

If he then lets you down then knock it on.the head.

So he had enough time to mouth off at you being unreasonable but not enough time to arrange contact? Dick.

Go this time but then you need to put it into writing that you need a permanent arrangement in place.

So you write that you will be making DD available for contact every Saturday/sunday/whatever day suits you, between the hours of x time and x time (giving whatever time you want). The meeting point will be A unless the weather is horrendous in which case it will be B. (pick somewhere convenient for you and not somewhere which will end up costing you money).

Make it clear that failure to turn up, last minute cancellations (ie night before or on the day) unless extreme emergency will leave you no option but to stop the arrangement and at that point he will have to take you to Court.

Contact is for the benefit of your DD. Not him. Not you. Make that clear. He needs to be a parent, not a manchild that needs to be reminded every week that he has a daughter. If he can't maintain a weekly arrangement then you need to sever ties with him.

But do contact CMS. If he's not claiming benefits then he's working. You must be due something. Let them chase him. They can take it directly from his bank account if need be.

So you write that you will be making DD available for contact every Saturday/sunday/whatever day suits you, between the hours of x time and x time (giving whatever time you want). The meeting point will be A unless the weather is horrendous in which case it will be B. (pick somewhere convenient for you and not somewhere which will end up costing you money)

No don't do this - that's OP arranging everything for him again. After tomorrow, do nothing...wait for him to contact you, let him arrange it himself.

Meet in the park if sunny or the reading corner of the library if rainy. And don't spend a penny on him! Total CF. You have nothing to apologise for.

Ugh. My ex is the same. Useless