Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Talk me out of going

74 replies

Picklepickle123 · 30/05/2018 14:45

DS is 1 year next week, but he's really been struggling with settling in at nursery. So far, he's had about five sessions there, varying between 2 hours and 5 hours. Most of the time, he just screams the whole time. I try and call after 90 minutes to see how he's doing - he's still screaming.

Today was his first full day, I go back to work in two weeks. They've just called me saying he's not eaten or drunk anything all day. I ask if I should come and collect him, they say that's up to me.

What do I do? The plan is to collect him at 5 but I could hear him screaming through the whole conversation.

OP posts:

keepingbees · 30/05/2018 18:53

If you don't want to send him then that's your gut instinct telling you something.

I know people who work in nurseries and I've heard some terrible stories, even in so called outstanding settings. You have to be so careful. I have removed my children from nurseries before when things haven't felt right or they've been unhappy. If you find a co operative nursery you've still got time to settle him in somewhere else.

TroubledLichen · 30/05/2018 18:59

If you don’t want to send him tomorrow then don’t. Trust your instincts.

Call your manager tomorrow and explain the situation. Then ask every local parent you know for recommendations and go from there. You may get lucky- DD’s daycare usually has a 6 months+ waitlist but timing worked out for us and we got an immediate part time place to go full time in September which is exactly what we wanted!

Good luck finding the right place.

Fruitcorner123 · 30/05/2018 19:00

i know someone who went through something similar. she changed setting and the crying stopped. It doesn't sound a very nice experience for him. Have you anyone who could do some emergency care. Could your DP get some leave or a grandparent come to stay?

Pengggwn · 30/05/2018 19:01

I would move him. Crying for a few minutes is totally normal. No good childcare professional would say 'up to you' about collecting a child who has been screaming for hours. It's cruel. It is not a good sign.

givemesteel · 30/05/2018 19:09

That's awful OP, I would be horrified I found my kid strapped into a pram crying, if he was upset he should be comforted, on someone's knee. Did you do settling in sessions before doing a full day?

I definitely wouldn't go back to that nursery.

Atalune · 30/05/2018 19:29

Your local authority will hold a list and you should be able to see online for childminders.

Original poster

Picklepickle123 · 30/05/2018 20:35

So, according to them, he was crying/screaming 'intermittently'. It doesn't seem like they've done all they can to appease him though.

When I got there, he was crying in the bassinet, but when I spoke to them on the phone, I could hear him screaming. I've just received an invoice for the whole month which I am not very happy to pay considering what's happened so far. I'm just so upset and can't think straight. I like to have a plan, and two weeks feels impossible to find a new setting and get him settled in good time.

OP posts:

Fruitcorner123 · 30/05/2018 20:52

are you going back to full time?

bbqseason · 30/05/2018 21:28

Do you have to go back to work in two weeks? Can you take some hol or unpaid leave until things are sorted? I don't think screaming/crying all day is normal. My baby struggled at first but he wasn't crying all day, and I also knew that his keyworker and other staff were doing all they could to look after him and soothe him.

My friend's baby struggled to settle at childminder and cried all day. Childminder not sympathetic. She found a Nursery and he settled straight away. If it's the right settling you should be getting the right vibe from the staff.

Gazelda · 30/05/2018 21:40

I think you'll spend all of your time worrying about him if you don't change the setting. It doesn't sound suitable at all (understatement). For your own peace of mind, and for his happiness, do whatever you need to to find somewhere he settles and you feel comfortable.

keepingbees · 30/05/2018 22:23

Ring round some nurseries tomorrow, find which have spaces and explain the situation. Arrange to view them ASAP. I'm sure it's do able in 2 weeks, if you could view before the weekend then you have 1.5-2 weeks to settle him in.

Myusername2015 · 31/05/2018 08:31

I also think a childminder might be your best option. (Unless the cost of a nanny Is doable) As above have said make a list and go and visit as many as possible. I immediately knew which one from how she interacted with my baby.
I’d also be making an official complaint to nursery and considering reporting to ofsted if they don’t deal with your complaint adequately. No baby should be left alone screaming strapped in!

Somertime · 31/05/2018 10:43

Find another nursery or a childminder and don't send him back there. Whether or not they cared for him appropriately (and I would say not) it's not right for him. You will never be able to relax at work.

I'd complain to the manager and argue the point about paying for the rest of the month.

user1510568216 · 31/05/2018 11:19

My LO started in private nursery when she was 3 so I could go back to work. She absolutely hated it! She cried at the thought of going, would refuse to get dressed. Was hysterical. I was at my wits end but had no choice but to work. Everyone said it was a brill nursery & their kids loved it. I thought my LO was just having really bad separation anxiety. As time went on I noticed a few things I thought were a bit off & mentioned it to staff. They assured me all was well. 2yrs she was there & hated every minute. She still remembers it & talks about one particular lady that was awful to her. I wish with all my heart I hadn't put her through that. I should have trusted my gut instead of listening to others. That's 2yrs of angst & stress we'll never get back. Trust your gut & find somewhere else. My heart goes out to you.

AllMYSmellySocks · 31/05/2018 11:23

YANBU don't send him there. There are some wonderful nurseries with highly skilled staff and there are some that really don't care and view a distressed child as a hassle. For a child that young I'd personally much prefer a childminder. The nursery might be just too loud and overstimulating for him.

memememe · 31/05/2018 13:02

whats your location op? some of us might be able to recommend a childminder with spaces. id not be taking my baby back there at all.

UnlawfulBannanaPeeler · 31/05/2018 17:14

‘he was strapped into a pram bassinet with no one in the same room‘

That is completely illegal, whether is a few minutes alone or not. I used to work in nurseries and an incident like that would have to be reported to ofstead .
For that alone I would switch nurseries . Also everywhere I’ve woeked you’d get 2 weeks of free settling in sessions and wouldn’t have to pay.
It all sounds really wrong! I’d suggest moving dc.

Sometimes it does take children a little while to settle , Ive had several children cry all day long and we would distract them and ALWAYS be with them even if they were screaming till our ears bled. Usually one day they’d just walk in like nothing had happened.
A lot of the stuff you’ve said has rang alarm bells and I wouldn’t like it.
You can look at the .gov website and it gives you lists of childminders and nurseries in your area.
Sometimes we found it helped making ‘home books’ with pictures of family and the children’s house to look at when they’re sad. Or you could even just pop a little picture of you in the bag for dc to look at!
Good Luck

Notthatwomanagain · 31/05/2018 21:29

OP similar happened to me with a CM and I never took DS back
I spoke to work ASAP and also called in favour from a family member who we paid to watch him at home for a month whilst I started back. In the end we found a new CM and he settled immediately.

Trust yourself and speak to work so they know what might happen with delayed return. Don’t panic.

Original poster

Picklepickle123 · 01/06/2018 00:09

Thanks for all your responses guys. I've had the icing on the cake today - despite being told on multiple occasions that DS is egg and dairy intolerant, he was given food containing egg . He's been throwing up today (didn't end up sending him in because of a temperature), so I rang to check what he had for dinner yesterday. They're adamant that he didn't really eat much, because he was so upset, and apparently there's been a d&v bug going round, but it's just the cheek of it!

DH was fuming and is going to write them a formal letter of complaint tomorrow. In the meantime, I need to speak to my manager to get some more time off work and get this whole thing sorted. It's such a mess, I'm so embarassed to have made such a poor judgement call. Poor DS has had a fever since yesterday which doesn't make me feel any better.

How would I report them to Ofsted? There's been some major mistakes made and I'm not happy.

OP posts:

Atalune · 01/06/2018 07:57

Go on the you gov website, and type in ofsted there.

Write a letter to the chair as well if they are run by committee.

Original poster

Picklepickle123 · 01/06/2018 08:20

The nursery did say we would have to give four weeks' notice. Given the circumstances, I'm tempted to say they're in breach of contract and we're only going to pay for what we've used, but I don't want a CCJ later.

OP posts:

summerinrome · 01/06/2018 08:27

You are entirely right not to pay the invoice.

They are in breach of the contract by neglecting your child (the strapping him in and leaving him alone) they have made him severely ill when they knew he had an allergy by giving him eggs.

Write to them and tell them about their breach of contract and you will not be paying the month's invoice, and that you will be contacting your solicitor for legal advice. You will also be considering loss of wages, compensation due to their negligence you now don't have childcare and can not return to work.

UnlawfulBannanaPeeler · 02/06/2018 00:23

The nursery have a duty to report that stuff to ofstead. Especially in the case of a food allergy! But you can go on the ofstead sight yourself and report them I think. Don’t tell them though, because ofstead will come in and do a surprise inspection so they won’t have time to cover up their bad practice .
Asquith are a brilliant chain of nurseries if there’s one close by to you?

Original poster

Picklepickle123 · 02/06/2018 09:42

DH went to see them yesterday and apparently the nursery manager was extremely upset, apparently she's fired the chef. they've been open less than a year so obviously it's a major incident for them. He did say that we wouldn't report them, but I don't know why!

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3