Would you tell someone else's child off...

[gruffaloschild1]

In a soft play.

We were in the "sensory" area which is for babies and toddlers. My 11 month old was playing with the sensory light and some kid aged about 8/9(?) barged over and whacked him across the head to push him out the way!

Obviously his parents weren't nearby so I don't know who they are to mention it to them. I told him "NO, do NOT do that"

Just wondering how you feel if someone told your child off while you weren't there?

I think that sounds fine, as long as you didn’t shout and wasn’t aggressive towards the child.

tillytoodles1 I spat my tea out

In the situation you described then yes, I'd have done the same thing. I wouldn't as a general rule tell someone elses child off unless they were hurting another child or about to do something dangerous.

What namemcname Said

Yes I would and have done similar. I would expect someone to do the same to my children if they were misbehaving and I was unaware of it.

If they pushed my child? Absolutely

You were completely right although I do get unreasonably pissed off if people do tell my children off. Having said that I'm sure they wouldn't behave in that manner.

In that situation I think telling the child off was perfectly acceptable. In some other situations I would hesitate

I accidentally told off an adult in the shops yesterday. I held the door open for him and he just walked past, so I said loudly ‘say thank you’. I only realised I was saying it out loud as it came out 😳😳😳😳 my excuse is I’ve had my nephews all week and he did look suitably ashamed.

I hate that, the adult version of telling them off is just to loudly say "You're Welcome"

I would if their parents weren't around, and they were doing something to hurt or endanger my (or other) kids. Or following my kid around for ten minutes shouting "cheese pants" at him until my son was nearly in tears asking him to stop, while the parents ignored it - I told that kid to stop.

Normally just a short - don't hit/throw, or this is the baby area please play quietly here, sort of thing.

yes certainly if they had/were potentially going to, harm my child in any way or were rude to or upset my child.

Not if I just saw an unattended child doing something naughty, no.

And id expect a parent to tell my child off if he behaved badly to their child and they had been present.

(i mean id obviously tell my own child off if i saw him doing something like that as well... i just meant in an instance where I didnt see it and they did)

It's a different kettle of fish if you're just telling kids off for things you don't like them doing, but telling a kid off because they injured your BABY? Fill your boots, they need this sort of discipline.

You did the right thing, I once told my ‘friends’ son not to take somebody else’s ball at a soft ball I said it calm and just like a passing comment ‘no dont take his ball’ and gave the ball back to the other child, my friends son told his Mum and she went crazy at me, we no longer speak. Some people just can’t parent and think their child can do no wrong think no more about it.

I had a similar situation at a soft play. Older boys nearly kicked my daighter in the head in the baby area. I told them they were not allowed in the baby area. I thought I was being firm but not harsh- but one of the boys went over to his parent and started crying! Thankfully the parent didn’t say anything, just gave me shocked looks. I don’t think children are used to being told ‘no’ by adults they don’t know.

YANBU

There are definitely two camps of parents in this situation - the ones who are very apologetic and come rushing over to see what their child has done, and reinforce the telling off you have given. Or, the ‘gentle parenters’ who would never dream of saying “no” to their precious child and get very indignant if anyone else dares to do so.

Of course you can tell other people's children off if they hit your baby and their parents aren't there to deal with it/ don't do or say anything.

However I do feel the need to point out that most people whose oldest child is a baby and who don't have very frequent close contact with a range of older children massively misjudge the ages of older children a lot of the time.

I remember several occasions when my dc2 was in an under 6s area (not baby area but meant for mobile small children labelled under 6s only) helping dc3 - dc3 was between 1 and 2 on those occasions and dc2 between 4 and 5. I heard the self righteous passive aggressive stage whispering between parents "that boy must be at least 8! He shouldn't be allowed in there" multiple times - always from parents trying to use the ball pool as a budget photo shoot location for pictures of a non walking baby, getting annoyed that my kids playing were mucking up their shots!

Obviously no child, whether 4 or 8, should be hitting a baby though and all children without any additional needs know by 3 or 4 that that is utterly unacceptable.

Telling off definitely not unreasonable!

You were right to tell him off. I’ve done similar a few times. Recently I was at a baby group with my 12 month old and a girl who must have been about 4 kept repeatedly coming up to him and snatching whatever toy he had from him. I gently told her, no don’t snatch the baby is playing with this one but she kept doing it. Eventually she ran up to him and yelled NO, MINE! In his face so I did give her a bit of a stern telling off. Parents nowhere to be seen of course