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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My sister and Mum are trying to take over

55 replies

yelloh · 29/05/2018 09:15

My Mum has just bought a house and has been staying with my sister (no dc) until the final arrangements are made, whenever I take my DS round they pick at everything I do and try to take over.
When DS was 3mo he was very big for his age and he drank a lot of formula, my sister kept insisting I needed to give him solids because the formula clearly wasn't filling him. When I said that he was fine and that he wasn't old enough to be weened she literally laughed in my face. She said that I didn't know what I was doing because I'm a ftm and that I was going by the book. I insisted that he was too young. A few days later I had to leave DS with her because I had to go to a work event with DP I came back to find that she has fed DS baby rice, twice in the space of a few hours. My Mum had also gone out and bought me boxes of baby rice and weetabix and said 'he loves it he's clearly ready to be weened, you need to start feeding him before all his naps'. I took him home and he threw up. Safe to say I waited a month and half before weening.
They also take him off of me whenever he falls asleep (he naps in my arms and co sleeps) and try putting him down in bed and it wakes him up every time and makes him cranky and even more difficult to get back to sleep. They're both insistent that me not putting him down to sleep is the reason he still wakes up for night feeds.
They even gave him cows milk whilst I was walking to the shop to buy some formula the other day, he also threw up after that. These are just few examples but it feels they're trying to take over and make me feels like I don't know what I'm doing.
It's making me not want to go round and see them anymore but they're great with DS when it comes to playing and things and he loves it there so I don't just want to stop going.
They say they're just helping so Aibu? Or do I need to try and approach the issue somehow?

OP posts:

VivaKondo · 29/05/2018 10:24

Sorry that shouod have been
NONE of them suffered (from being weaned at 4 months) rather than one of them (massive autocorrect issue)

merville · 29/05/2018 10:27

We also need to be careful about salt content in non-baby foods as again they can't process it like we can; unless you M has a very clear idea of how much the he's can have, how much he has had in other foods that day etc. etc. - which I doubt she had - she shouldn't be feeding him adult foods.

JessicaJonesJacket · 29/05/2018 10:31

If you can't face standing up to them, then why not arrange to meet them elsewhere eg the park; at your house. Then, at least, they won't be able to feed him inappropriate food.

Lovemusic33 · 29/05/2018 10:35

Just don’t go over there, the obviously don’t respect your wishes not to wean, it’s non of there business if it’s right or wrong, it’s your choice and you are following the guidelines.

I left dd1 with a aunt at 3 months when I went back to work, I went to pick her up one day and she had something around her face, turned out they had given her a swizzle stick lolly to suck on I was mortified.

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish · 29/05/2018 10:40

Stop taking your son around there

Baby's aren't weened onto solids until a certain age for a reason, one of those reasons is they could choke

They disregard and overule everything you say regarding your son, and it will get worse as he gets older as they will try to do the parenting for you..

Just don't go round there, if they ask why, tell them firmly they can't be trusted with your son and they undermine and over rule your choices with your own son,...if you do go to their house then the first time they do try and go against you with your son pull them up on it and warn that you will leave, if they do it again, drop whatever you are doing, pack your stuff together, get your son and walk out...they won't learn not to behave that way unless you put some boundaries in place

nellieellie · 29/05/2018 10:42

Your baby, your decisions. If anyone had done this to me and my baby I would have been furious. You need to be firmer and tell them that if they do not respect your wishes and continue to undermine you, you will not be able to leave your baby with them unless you are there. If they try to take your baby from you, then look them in the eye and say”No! This is MY baby, MY decisions”. It’s outrageous, but you’ve got to be firm with them. Practise what you are going to say.

Ohmydayslove · 29/05/2018 10:48

Strap on your tiger mom love and ruther stop visiting them for a while and tell them why or stand up for yourself and insist on your times your way.

I wouldn’t leave them alone with him at all they are untrustworthy.

youarenotkiddingme · 29/05/2018 11:14

Your mum and sister are making your baby ill - and you want to know if you ABU not to want to visit and if it's you doing something wrong?

The answer - stop taking him there and explain they make him ill and you are NOT doing anything wrong following guidelines. They exist for a reason.

Helbelle75 · 29/05/2018 11:22

I would be furious and wouldn't take him there and tell them exactly why.
My dd is 13 months and I've had no end of advice about sleeping and breastfeeding from people who have no idea, but I know what's best for us as a family. She still naps on me when she can and we co-sleep more often than not.
Hopefully your mum and sister will get the message and will agree to let you parent your way.

NoodleKT · 29/05/2018 11:31

It is hard as a ftm when people start telling you what to do, but actively going against not only your wishes but current medical advice is ridiculous and I would tell them so.

One of the hardest things to learn when you become a mum is that you HAVE to learn to tell people no, and to make them respect your wishes for your child.

The audacity of your sister having a go at you for this when she doesn't have children herself is astounding.

My DD is 7 months old now and still naps on me and occasionally co-sleeps, I know the pressure you feel when people tell you to put them down but if anyone ever dared to take my child out of my arms they wouldn't be seeing me or said child until they learned to respect my wishes.

DiddimusStench · 29/05/2018 12:16

merville the advice is you shouldn’t be giving cows milk until 12 months not 6.

Yes, the weaning guidelines have changed quite a lot in the last 20 years and yes, anecdotally it never did a good proportion of babies any harm to wean earlier and yes 6 months is only a guideline. However...

OP didn’t feel the need to wean her child any earlier. She’s not stipulated she’s had any medical advice to and she was right because her child was vomiting as a result of her family’s pure dickishness. Let’s not turn this thread into ‘it never did mine any harm. Don’t fret he’ll be fine’ because he wasn’t fine and she had every right to fret about it.

Ohmydayslove · 29/05/2018 12:21

I think it’s silly really for people to say ‘it never hurt my kids’ sure I weaned my older ones st 3 months and cows milk at 6 and out my babies to sleep in they’re tummies.

Guidelines change and obviously you follow what you think is right for your baby op.

Stand up for yourself love.

SpectacularAardvark · 29/05/2018 12:28

Some people just don't listen, in their head, they know best. My MIL is great for this, "Yes, I hear what you're saying.." and then totally disregards what we've said and carries on with what she thinks is right.
Just one of the many reasons she will never be alone with our DC and only sees him once a month.
She has never had any respect for DH's wishes (let alone mine) and has no idea why he can't stand her.

If you don't nip this in the bud now OP, you are in for a lifetime of them undermining you.
Watch out for, "Don't listen to Mummy, of course you can do/have x" and "Never mind, we don't have to tell Mummy" among other gems.

Ohmydayslove · 29/05/2018 15:03

It’s pure bullying really op. agree it will get worse unless you nip it in the bud now

Lemonyknickers · 29/05/2018 18:50

I never co slept, put my DC down to sleep, weaned all 3 early, but you know what, that was my and my DH choices. We were the parents, my Dsis reared her kids completely the other way (like you). I would never have fed my DN solids. YANBU, they are. As parent they should respect your choices and if they don't they don't get alone time with your baby.

merville · 30/05/2018 22:55

DiddimusStench - unless I've picked something up wrong, it's that cow's milk not allowed as main drink/milk i.e. instead of breast milk or formula until 12 months, but ok to give (not as main drink) from around 6 months.

Nb65988 · 31/05/2018 03:56

Cheeky it's ure child ftm or not they have no right giving him baby rice and cows milk that's over stepping just say nicely thanks for advice but I've got it

rotavixsucks · 31/05/2018 04:48

It's a horrible situation to be in but you need to make it clear that it is unacceptable, they need to respect your wishes and judgements as a parent.

I've been in the same position and my Dd no longer sees her grandmother who would blatantly ignore my

rotavixsucks · 31/05/2018 04:50

Oops slipped the wrong key then.

Anyway she'd blatantly do the opposite to what I'd ask time and time again in front of me. So now if I visit I go without Dd and if anyone asks she can't be trusted with her.

TammySwansonTwo · 31/05/2018 05:08

Send a message today: “i am extremely upset by the way you both undermine my parenting decisions. On two occasions you have gone against my wishes and made my child vomit. It’s not acceptable. We love spending time with you but if you can’t respect that I am his mother and get to decide everything, then we won’t be able to visit any more”

Don’t let them continue out of politeness

Italiangreyhound · 31/05/2018 05:31

They are not helping. You are not being unreasonable.

Do not leave him alone in their company again.

Don't engage in discussions about his weight or feeding. Just make it clear you are in charge. If they start taking over say "I must get going now."

Really, you can do this. Just picture your baby being sick because of the crap things they did.

Did you tell them he was sick?

Do tell them, make it clear, NO MORE INTERFERING. I AM IN CHARGE.

Life is too short for this shit. Even if they mean well, they need to know. Mother knows best! YOU, the mother, not your own mother!

PS Broken record is your friend, repeat, repeat repeat...

FoxySamanthaPetersonTheCat · 31/05/2018 05:50

They’re being dicks and yes, you need to stand up to them for your sake and also your son. They made him throw up. Feeding him the way they did could have made him choke. They constantly undermine you for no other reason it seems other than they can get away with it. Have they always been like this towards you? Or is it just since you had your son?

SharronNeedles · 31/05/2018 06:21

Do not start making up bullshit excuses or be vague in the slightest with them!

Your son has his whole life ahead of him and he needs his parents to be parents now. You need to be your son's voice at the moment, don't just let stuff happen and brush it under the carpet! Not too sure how old your DS is but you're mum and sister are going to be in your life for quite some time and unless you all just disappear, they will be involved in his.
Put a stop to this now because otherwise it will continue and you'll end up in a huge family feud

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/05/2018 06:28

Crikey. You need to avoid these women as much as possible. They have poisoned your child twice that you know of. The picture I’m getting is of you as Cinderella and them as the ugly sisters demeaning and taunting you. Babies grow into children, who can easily be moulder and shaped. If you’re not careful they will take over and try to turn your ds against you. It could easily progress to things like “your mummy is stupid,”, “you don’t want to eat that stinky broccoli, come and have a nice lollipop”, “homework is rubbish and a waste of time, let’s play on the x box” etc.

crispysausagerolls · 31/05/2018 06:44

This post activated my rage mode because I am so angry that anyone, but especially family, could have this level of disrespect for someone’s parenting. Not only is it not their place to correct you, but they are WRONG in what they are saying and have made your baby sick. Twice. They are criticising you and they need to be told you fuck off. Now. I would write an email to both of them outlining how you feel/what has happened. Then say to them either they start respecting your parenting decisions or you won’t be going round there. It’s disgraceful that you can’t even trust them to look after your baby, since they ignore you instructions and put harmful actions in the way instead. Completely unacceptable.

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