Babysitter review - this annoys me AIBU

[stormymcstormface]

I can highly recommend X, this coming from the slightly paranoid mother of two extremely precious ivf babies!

Prepared to be flamed if I'm being insensitive ... suspect I might be. But the following is from a babysitter review ... I don't love my children less or cherish them less because of how they were conceived. Why bring it into it!

She can say what she wants.

Yup, it’s weird.

The difference between that mother and you, is that you probably took your fertility for granted a little. Do you really not understand why a mum who had infertility / miscarriage problems + paid up to £10k per ivf cycle, might feel her babies are precious? She could have had 24 miscarriages before her babies for all you know!

Live and let live.

I fully get it tbh. Of course we love our children the same, but I conceived all three babies easily and can't imagine the pain of long term infertility. Something you have had to work that hard for holds a certain weight.

I had one child easily and one after a long and painful struggle. My mental health is definitely poorer for everything that I've been through, and I struggle to leave dc2 and trust people with him. With dc1 I was able to take a normal and healthy amount of risk, now I'm not because of my anxiety. When people say things like this they're not criticising that you don't love your children enough, they're highlighting that they are extremely anxious for a reason!

Yup sorry I can see where she's coming from. My DS is adopted after a short battle with infertility, and I know I don't love my son any more than my friends love their children, but it is different - there is something a bit precious about them because you had to work SO hard to get them. It's the equivalent of being given a brand new Mercedes or having to graft and save for 10 years to buy one.

Of course everyone loves their children, but I was told that I would never be able to conceive, and it caused years of heartbreak and resentment and bitterness, and a level of appreciation for DS, who we/the doctors see as a real miracle, that I don't think someone who has never experienced that could understand or relate to.

i think she means "This babysitter is good, and you can tell she is because I'm a satisfied customer - and I have very high expectations for childcare, probably unreasonably high, because I have been through the hell of infertility and it has left me paranoid and demanding. But I know I am being a bit OTT and hope this provides a context so you'll believe me when I give this excellent review."

Clearer? yabu

What Rosy said. I never had IVF but I struggled for 2 years before getting pregnant, I totally understand how after all the treatment and concern and hell that IVF mum's would be slightly more inclined to treat their children like glass.

It's not that they would love them more, or that I would be ok if harm befell to my children and they wouldn't - but they went through some element of trauma to get there and I think it's understandable and a useful shortcut to say "I'm a highly anxious parent"

I agree with the OP it makes it sound like someone who easily conceives doesn't care who babysits.

She doesn’t love her children more than you love yours. It’s you that’s interpreting that. What she’s saying is she’s anxious where her children are concerned because she’s fought hard to be able to have them.

It wouldn't annoy me. I'm lucky I didn't have to go through all that. And I'd be glad about finding the babysitter too :-)

She believes she appreciates having her children more than she would if she had conceived quickly and naturally. It is not a comment on how precious or otherwise other people's children are.

I think Rosy sums it up well. I get it

What Rosey said!

What rosy says. Yabu and reading too much into this. Sounds like a good baby sitter

I get what she’s saying really and I fall pregnant very easily. Before my 3rd dc I had a miscarriage and then during my pregnancy with her was told I’d lose her multiple times. The feelings for her are different, I love my boys so much but she is very precious to me. It took a lot out of me to get her and I’ll be damned if I’m letting her go for a long time yet! was much more relaxed with my boys and didn’t fully appreciate how easily I got them!

It's just a review and her way of expressing things, I don't see how it really affects you tbh.

Rosy - yes thank you. I can empathise with that

IABU

Was this just an anonymous comment on a feedback site? If so, you're being unreasonable to give it more than a moment's thought!

I'm still pregnant so can't speak to that, but multiple miscarriages and a period of despair where I thought I would never have a child definitely seem to have given me a different perspective on pregnancy to those it comes easily to. I have huge sympathy for those having difficult pregnancies, but find it hard to relate to those who moan about normal ones - but then I feel like I've won the lottery to get here, and getting fatter or whatever feels like a trivial price to pay. I don't think you love your children more, but I think fertility problems (and mine was a very mild experience in the grand spectrum of these things) does make you feel differently - you're so aware of your own luck, and how easily it could be taken away.

I wouldn’t say it, but I can see where the sentiment comes from. In fact, my infertility was cast up to my by health visitors etc as why I had PND, apparently because I would not be able to cope with any small problem as would expect everything to be perfect after having gone through all the years of hoping and fear. Infertility really is the gift that keeps on giving!

I totally get why she feels that way.

It’s also totally weird that she would post it online. Is she the sort that always has to work it into a conversation that her babies are IVF babies?

She isn't saying she lives them more, she's admitting she's slightly paranoid and a bit pfb.

My son only took 18 months to conceive so different but he nearly died numerous times. I would put myself in the overly paranoid category because whilst I lobe them as much as my mate Sue loves, I'm more aware of how easily it can go wrong, how close he always is from being taken from me. I live with the memory of being repeatedly told he might die, he might die. I spent a year too scared to ask the cardiologist if his heart condition was at risk of becoming fatal.
I know I love him as much as you love yours, but like the mum in the review, I likely assess risk differently to many parents

Do you really not understand why a mum who had infertility / miscarriage problems + paid up to £10k per ivf cycle, might feel her babies are precious? She could have had 24 miscarriages before her babies for all you know!

But they aren't any more precious than any other baby and even if you feel that they are, you don't write that shit down for everyone to see.

I think the ivf comment was meant as more of a reflection on her megalithic health than how precious her children are.