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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dh gave his number to his hairdresser

72 replies

Stephthegreat · 29/05/2018 07:35

Been thinking about this all night & don’t know if IBU.

Dh has a very attractive female hairdresser (he goes every few months) who he always tells me is beautiful and a great girl,the apparently get on really well. In the past I’ve always brushed it aside and not really said much. On Saturday he’d had his hair cut and again was talking about how wonderful this girl was,she’s having a difficult time at the moment and he casually mentioned that he’d given her his number.

I was a bit surprised but haven’t said anything. We’ve been together six years and he has often commented on how good looking other girls are, he’s put me down quite a lot too sometimes so I’ve felt a bit insecure about things. I don’t know if I’m right in feeling upset about him exchanging numbers with this girl?

He works a lot of late nights and we don’t see each other much these days.When he’s at home he spends most of his time on his computer in a room on his own,he comes to bed about 2am I’m normally asleep because I’m tired from looking after dc.Is he bored of me? I’ve asked him Andrew he says he’s not but feel that he is.

OP posts:
STBexPostdoc · 29/05/2018 08:20

Sounds just like my ex. He didn’t necessarily want to cheat (though he did cheat) but he liked the idea of women fancying him and having women’s numbers and women having his number.

He also used to ogle and comment upon other women which wore me down and made me feel totally shit. I had zero confidence when I was with him. We all find others attractive but there is no need to tell your partner about it!

Get rid, op. Seriously, ditching my ex was the best thing I’ve ever done

Original poster
Stephthegreat · 29/05/2018 08:27

Thanks.Ive always just tried to put things to one side,really to keep the peace.I love him and every so often he takes me somewhere lovely and can be wonderful but it’s like two different people.

It’s sometimes little things upset me and he will tell me I’m too sensitive and I’m imagining things.When I had ds in hospital it was a very complicated labour and I lost a lot of blood.He publicly told people how brave I’d been on FB but in private he was joking that I looked like something from a Halloween film.

It’s little things that I brushed aside over the years including the things said about other women.

OP posts:
araiwa · 29/05/2018 08:29

Barbers
Hairdressers
Taxi customers

Is there anyone a man doesnt give their number to?

auntyflonono · 29/05/2018 08:42

He has so little respect for you he doesn't hide what he thinks of other women or giving them his number. When you express concern he doesn't care. This will never improve.

moita · 29/05/2018 09:33

He publicly told people how brave I’d been on FB but in private he was joking that I looked like something from a Halloween film.

Abusive men do this. It's all a front then they wear you down behind closed doors. I think you need to consider how much longer you can live like this.

My ex started off like this and it did escalate to physical abuse. Not saying your situation is the same but to me this sounds like emotional abuse.

auntyflonono · 29/05/2018 09:40

He tells you that you are imagining things? That's a massive red flag!

bsbabas · 29/05/2018 09:46

"Love rat" means lovetwat when some one tells you what they are really like listen!

OakIsBetterTho · 29/05/2018 09:48

Why are you even with him at all? He sounds a twat. I'd put good money on him having cheated on you already, is that the life you want?
I'll be honest, on first read, I found it unbelievable that you didn't pull him up on handing his number out to women he fancies but actually I think he's just done a very good job of making you completely unsure as to where the boundaries in your relationship should be.
You'd be happier without him.

Puttingthefootdown · 29/05/2018 09:51

*Barbers
Hairdressers
Taxi customers

Is there anyone a man doesnt give their number to?*

This

Original poster
Stephthegreat · 29/05/2018 21:16

Something has to change I’ve always doubted myself thought the best of him.Its just little things that over these years I’ve realised make me feel shit about myself and don’t say anything to him about things that upset me any more.i try to avoid the big argument we’re he shouts me down.

We’ve had times when I’ve pulled him up on stuff and he’s said I’m winding him up,he’s been outside and punched the fence,shouted in my face that I was an old bag.

I think the hairdresser thing is the last straw for me.I don’t know why this has tipped it but I can’t live like it any more.

OP posts:
NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 29/05/2018 21:32

It should be the last straw.
Only twattish men compliment other women whilst putting the one they profess to love down. The giving out his number is a blatant piss take.
Fuck him off.

rightwellthen · 29/05/2018 21:36

Awh no he shouldn't ever put you down OP, that's really mean and I'm sorry. The rest is no good either. Good luck I hope you get it all sorted xx

CremeBrulee · 29/05/2018 21:40

You know he's being a twunt OP. You wouldn't have posted otherwise.

Your red flags should be on full alert, he's being open about his intention to play around and he's laid the groundwork by disrespecting you and putting you down while praise his next victim.

Run for the hills and don't look back.

Original poster
Stephthegreat · 29/05/2018 21:49

I know you’re right.years ago a friend of mine said he’s playing mind games but always told me he was insecure so I never really thought of leaving.

I do everything with ds.dh spends 10 mins with him and then sits in another room on his computer all the time.its exhausting because I’m on my own trying to cope but feeing on edge not sure if dh is cheating,thinking about cheating,trying to make me think he’s cheating..why would he tell me he’s given his number to this woman?its just to much

Problem is I realise now how much shit I’ve taken off him over the years.hes selfish,he’s got make moisturiser in the bathroom now.The only time he ever used stuff like that was when we first got together.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stephthegreat · 29/05/2018 21:51

Male moisturiser

and a body grooming kit (really expensive one)

his iPad has a lock code on and recently I asked him if I could borrow it but he couldn’t remember the code

It’s making me crazy

OP posts:
CremeBrulee · 29/05/2018 22:09

He's rubbing your nose in it by telling you.

Funny, I was going to say that the next thing he'll be telling you is that you are insecure. It's such a well worn script.

BrilliantDarling · 29/05/2018 22:10

Ask him again for the pin code, if he still says he can't remember it then tell him you'll take it to phone apple store to see if they can help, then just put it in your bag and see what his reaction is.

Original poster
Stephthegreat · 29/05/2018 23:01

I don’t think he’d react well to that,he lost the plot over a tissue I left of the sofa once (apparently too many germs on my tissue that he could catch)

I feel like I should’ve left when I was pregnant he was awful off and on through it.Kept chopping and changing between wanting to be a dad and not wanting to be one.Some days telling me he’d leave and I’d never see him again. I remember getting the silent treatment for days at a time because I suggested we move house.Looking back I should have seen what he was like.

It’s just been getting worse over time,I don’t even want to talk to him about it any more it’s that bad.i just want to leave

OP posts:
redastherose · 29/05/2018 23:23

Don't feel bad for not seeing it before. It's really difficult when you're with someone who lies, manipulates, plays mind games, etc especially when they have already undermined your confidence so that you feel like you deserve to be treated like that. You are right he is emotionally abusive and it won't get bettering it will only get worse. Mine used to say to me that I was lucky he wasn't another sort of man or he'd have hit me, according to him this meant he was a good guy. What it really meant was back off now or else you might push me too far! It was a threat and it worked for years. I was also told I was the one starting arguments, not true! What would happen as he would say something nasty and if I responded then that was me causing the argument by not allowing him to insult/criticise me. The alternative to this was if we argued about something he would say 'you've always got to have the last word' I didn't it was just his way of shutting me down so that he got to say whatever he wanted! He was an absolutely awful person really. A serial cheat although I didn't know it until towards the end of our relationship. Please get out if you can, don't waste your life.

BettyBaggins · 29/05/2018 23:29

You can leave or should he? Get your ducks in a row first. You and LO deserve better. Flowers

BrilliantDarling · 29/05/2018 23:31

Have you got any family you could stay with? Or savings? I feel so sad for you being in such a destroying relationship, the only positive thing is that you are aware right now that this is all wrong. If you have to play along and act like your 'usual' self around him for a while while you make arrangements /save up /get everything set up and go.
You and your son deserve so much better.

It will either shock him and make him realise what he's lost and it could change him or you will know for definite he's just a waste of space, either way you will be happier than you are now.

Delphiniumum · 29/05/2018 23:31

Nope. Big nope right from him telling you she's beautiful...Hmm

EdiShowers · 29/05/2018 23:57

YABU

Why would he tell you she'd given him her number if he was up to something?

MrsHappyAndMrCool · 30/05/2018 00:03

He sounds very disrespectful, I wouldn’t want to hear my DH come home and tell me how beautiful another woman is.

lottiegarbanzo · 30/05/2018 00:04

Why are you looking after DS all the time and he isn't? Makes no sense. Are you a family, or is he just a big kid who lodges with you?

I’ve always doubted myself thought the best of him Well stop that, now. Just try turning that around and see how it looks.

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