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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say I am confused about benefits

50 replies

twopillows · 29/05/2018 01:01

And ask for your help?

I currently live with DP and we have a good relationship generally, we also have one DD who is 2 years old. He earns okay money and is self employed. He has 3 kids from previous marriage. I am employed full time on 26k a year. We live in the south (expensive)

We have one issue in our relationship and I the more time goes on we both wonder if we can ever get past it. We want different things also.

Tonight we fell out over said thing. I need to prepare for the possibility of us not being together and I am not sure how I could even do it financially. I have looked online to see if I would be entitled to any help and despite being relatively switched on usually, I just don't get it.

Would I be entitled to housing benefit or tax credits?

We do not own a home.
I am on 26k salary and I am assuming DP would continue to pay nursery fees.
The cheapest 2 bed property to rent around here is about £900 a month.
I receive no other benefits at the moment.
I don't think it would be a great break up tbh. No idea if there would be an issue with maintenance- he pays it for his other kids so I would hope not.

OP posts:
IWantMyHatBack · 29/05/2018 01:08

Google 'entitledto'

You would be entitled to tax credits.
Child tax credits would pay some of your childcare costs
I don't know why you would assume he would continue to pay childcare costs?
Entitlement to housing benefit will be dependant and on income, housing status, etc..

In your situation, unless it's dangerous, I would sit tight and save and save. Just for a month or so.

tccat · 29/05/2018 02:01

The best thing you could do is go to your local citizens advice bureau, they can run a benefit check to see what you may be entitled to go various scenarios and can usually help you apply for any
Also depending on where you live it may be Universal Credit if you are entitled to anything

BlueBug45 · 29/05/2018 02:07

@twopillows if you do split up him paying nursery fees isn't guaranteed, as he will need to pay for himself to have a place to live plus an extra bedroom so he can have his children including yours to stay over. (Unlikely to be a once unless they are similar ages and get on.)

IWantMyHatBack · 29/05/2018 02:11

Yes yes. Check if you're eligible for tc vs uc

Whatshallidonowpeople · 29/05/2018 07:22

You want to split up over one thing?? What about working in the relationship rather than working out how to milk the system?

Original poster
twopillows · 29/05/2018 08:16

Oh yes of course whatshallodonowpeople I had not thought about that already Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
twopillows · 29/05/2018 08:20

Citizens advice is good advice. I checked out the website and could be entitled to £50 a week help.

I am not saying it will get to this, I am just preparing just incase. Sensible as I have a 2 year old to think about.

As for 'milking the system' tell me how a single mum would be suppose to put her child in nursery whilst walking full time on 26k a year?? Some of you rightly said he may decide not to fund the nursery.

OP posts:
BipolarSunset · 29/05/2018 08:23

Hi Op.

Me and DH are on joint income of £27k and we get no help at all so I'd guess if you were to get anything it would be pittance and not worth the stress of it all tbh.

I'd suggest using entitledto.com like PP suggested.

Thanks
ScaredPAD · 29/05/2018 08:26

We didn't when it got to 30k for 2 kids. But isn't there childcare help of you work as a single parent?

(Doesn't know- just aware 26k is considered a good salary and those on benefits on minimum wage tend to get topped up to that kind of amount. )

Original poster
twopillows · 29/05/2018 08:49

My rent would be at least £900, child care is £1200 a month, plus bills, plus food. That is more then my take home. I would basically have to give up work.

OP posts:
Original poster
twopillows · 29/05/2018 08:53

There is no DV for me, luckily. I feel so much for woman who have to stay in a relationship because of money. What a world we like in..

OP posts:
Original poster
twopillows · 29/05/2018 08:53

Live

OP posts:
Adversecamber22 · 29/05/2018 08:55

Obviously you have said you have thought and worked at the one thing. Is there anyway that sharing this thing here could possibly help because unless it is something that is hazardous to your health or your child's and you actually love him is there no way at all it's surmountable.

harshbuttrue1980 · 29/05/2018 09:11

He would have to pay child support to you, and this could well cover the cost of nursery. Then you'd just have rent, bills and food to come from your earnings and you should manage if you live frugally (as lots of people do). No one should have to stay in a relationship for financial reasons - when people say this, they usually just mean that they don't want a frugal life. Better to be frugal than to be unhappy!
Would a childminder be cheaper than nursery?

RunMummyRun68 · 29/05/2018 09:42

How would he be in a position to pay £1200 a month to op for childcare?

He may want shared care and end up paying zero maintenance.... you want rely on maintenance

Cheaper childcare is required. But actually I'm in agreement with others. Why lumber the state with all this because you can't have this 'one thing' you can't agree on?

expatinscotland · 29/05/2018 09:48

If you are in a UC area you may not be entitled to anything.

'My rent would be at least £900, child care is £1200 a month, plus bills, plus food. That is more then my take home. I would basically have to give up work.'

This is a VERY bad idea. VERY bad idea. Eventually all areas will be UC and then you will be a serious world of shit if you give up work to go on benefits.

Consider living in a one-bed flat for cheaper rent.

But in this climate it is not good to jack in work to go on benefits.

mustbemad17 · 29/05/2018 09:55

On your wage the liklihood is you won't get much, you're on what, £2k plus a month? I hit £1500 a month (pre tax) & got £20 a week working tax...had to pay my childcare etc myself. You'll get the solo council tax reduction then the usual child tax & child benefit. It's pretty shitty.

MatildaTheCat · 29/05/2018 10:01

Is the ‘thing’ you fall out over really so insurmountable that you need to break up a relationship which is ‘generally good’?

Consider counselling or really trying to negotiate an agreement on this thing before breaking the family up and probably leaving both of you in a much worse financial position. You correctly state that you can’t afford to rent where you live and may be forced to move miles away.

Of course the thing may be huge and you will need to go in which case, sadly you are going to struggle.

RunMummyRun68 · 29/05/2018 10:01

Shitty? Why is it shitty?

mustbemad17 · 29/05/2018 10:12

RunMummyRun assuming that question is aimed at me? It's shitty becausr altho my pre tax was £1500 my take home just covered my rent, council, tax, childcare bill to actually allow me to go to work & my fuel bill each month. When i was a non working single mum i got extra childcare hours for free, didn't pay rent or council tax & didn't have a fuel bill to worry about. As a single parent working isn't always the easiest option!!

expatinscotland · 29/05/2018 10:26

What you need to realise, mustbemad is that the benefits system has been hugely changed over the past 8 years. Caps, UC, increasing numbers of LLs not accepting tenants in any receipt of LHA (and LHA caps meaning you have to top up disparity in rent from elsewhere), workfare, etc. make it a very bad idea to be a single parent on benefits.

Butterflykissess · 29/05/2018 10:29

Not sure of about the situation with your his ex but if he pays maintenance through cms for his ex then you need to make a claim the amount will be halved between you two . Just something to bare in mind as I doubt that amount will add up to 1200.

SpectacularAardvark · 29/05/2018 10:30

26k is loads! We live on far less than that as a family and don't get help, you might need to think about your lifestyle maybe.

mustbemad17 · 29/05/2018 10:43

expat i haven't said being a mum on benefits is the best option tho? OP asked about benefits in work, i've given her my (very) recent experience, which WAS shitty. Fwiw i wouldn't intentionally be a single mum on benefits, but OP is better off knowing that on her take home she shouldn't expect much, if any, additional help. No point lying to her

expatinscotland · 29/05/2018 10:47

Yeah, especially if the area is a UC area, mustbe, she definitely won't be eligible for anything. It's shit but hey, that's how it goes.

Would be worth considering a 1-bed flat for now, OP.

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