To say I am confused about benefits

[twopillows]

And ask for your help?

I currently live with DP and we have a good relationship generally, we also have one DD who is 2 years old. He earns okay money and is self employed. He has 3 kids from previous marriage. I am employed full time on 26k a year. We live in the south (expensive)

We have one issue in our relationship and I the more time goes on we both wonder if we can ever get past it. We want different things also.

Tonight we fell out over said thing. I need to prepare for the possibility of us not being together and I am not sure how I could even do it financially. I have looked online to see if I would be entitled to any help and despite being relatively switched on usually, I just don't get it.

Would I be entitled to housing benefit or tax credits?

We do not own a home.
I am on 26k salary and I am assuming DP would continue to pay nursery fees.
The cheapest 2 bed property to rent around here is about £900 a month.
I receive no other benefits at the moment.
I don't think it would be a great break up tbh. No idea if there would be an issue with maintenance- he pays it for his other kids so I would hope not.

Most definitely in UC area. You're pretty screwed once that has been introduced.

@Whatshallidonowpeople what an absurd thing to say. She isn't trying to 'milk' the system. She's asking if she's entitled to help - as in, asking if the system is set up for people in her situation. Which it is, since a large part of social welfare is supporting working people on low salaries.

Do you not think that the issue with her partner must be serious if they can't get past it? Don't be ridiculous.

Im appalled at the amount of people telling her to get past this one thing.

What if this one thing was him raping someone, or abusing her children.

Back the fuck off and stop being so intimidating. Not everyone has a perfect 'let's work together and get past this' relationship!!

OP. The first comment was the best. Entilteledto they will ask you a numerous questions about your household income and tell you what you're entilteled to.

Good luck OP

I'd see if one bedroom flats were cheaper. U could manage until u find your feet

I rent a studio flat and even that’s £700. Plus £1200 in nursery fees, how would she live?

I’m not trying to be provocative. I don’t understand how that would even work.

Dc could have bedroom and put sofa bed in the sittingroom

Would you be entitled to the 30 hours a week of free childcare by any chance? In my DC’s school all day nursery is now an option aged 3 which your DC isn’t far off so that would be a substantial chunk of your childcare costs down.

Check the entitled to website for your tax credit/housing benefit entitlement. Your P will also have to pay you maintenance, there is a calculator online for that too.

is this how ppl in the UK have to live? Being forced to sleep in a front room despite working full time because they can't afford rent?
This is the problem with this country inflated rents and cost of living and zero help from the government.

There is help from the government though

There IS help from the Govt but not everyone can get it. And once UC comes in there will be a nightmare. It's been badly thought out and badly implemented.

Yes if they can work on the one thing that would be good but if they can't (and it might be something awful...the OP hasn't said) then staying together might not be an option.

Definitely look at entitledto.

When I needed to stop work for DS who is autistic there was help for me. It was a bit of a come down from a good salary though.

I thank the powers that be though that my position now is much much better and I don't need benefits any longer. I feel for anyone who has to claim them now....especially if it's UC.

I highly doubt on a wage of 26k you'd be entitled to any assistance because as far as I am aware that's quite a bit past what the government believes is the minimum 1 adult and 1 child need to live on.

I agree you should check out entitledto. But until your daughter is old enough for some free childcare I highly doubt full time work will be feasible for you with those kinds of nursery fees. If this is the case I'd suggest seeing about part time work or hanging on until your child goes to school. Not great options I know but I think is the likely reality.

'But until your daughter is old enough for some free childcare I highly doubt full time work will be feasible for you with those kinds of nursery fees. If this is the case I'd suggest seeing about part time work or hanging on until your child goes to school. Not great options I know but I think is the likely reality'

Not really a good idea in a UC area, far better would be to take as small a flat as possible, even a room in a house or flatshare if possible and try to get the dad to pay the correct maintenance. UC is truly a shower of shite. The other problem with UC is the childcare, you have to pay for it first and they reimburse. It's not set up for PT work, even if your child is under school age, and makes it a major bitch to rent because most LLs won't touch a tenant on UC with a 10-foot barge pole as it fails to pay out quite often.

I am sure you will get help with childcare costs and should receive maintenance for your dd (but if he is already paying for 3 children that may not vibe very much) . It would definitely be a good idea to save money for a deposit and living expenses now while you can.

is this how ppl in the UK have to live? Being forced to sleep in a front room despite working full time because they can't afford rent?

Some have to do this, yes. I know several single parents and couples who sleep on sofa beds in the living room, or share a single bedroom with multiple kids, because they can't afford to rent anywhere with more space.

The main obstacle here is the childcare costs - that is what will make working seem pointless in the short term. But long term, it is a very, very bad idea to quit work so you don't have to pay for childcare. It can be very difficult to get back into work again. Also finding anywhere to rent when you are on benefits (especially UC) is very difficult.

I hate to even say this, but even if you split up, as long as there's no abuse and you aren't at each others throats it may well be better to stay living in the same house until all children are in school. Financially anyway, not sure it would be great for anyone's mental health. A colleague of mine had to do this - her husband slept on a sofa bed downstairs and they did their best to coparent in the same space for 2 years until the youngest was in school and they didn't have to fork out hundred in nursery fees every month. Only then could they afford to live separately. Not many people could do that though, it depends on the reason for the split and how well you can try to be amicable.

Whatever you do though, do not give up work.

I don't think you'd get much help on 26K a year. Especially in UC areas.

I should imagine you would get some help with housing benefit and child care costs, no idea how much though.

We live in the south and our rent is £1k a month, it's only a 3 bed house but there's nothing else available.

I'd also ask your employer about childcare vouchers - not sure how they work but apparently it's a cheaper way of doing things. (been a while since I needed childcare).

Also you can claim CMS from your dc's dad but again, that's not a guaranteed income so never rely on it.

I would look at making a claim for UC (which is in place in the south) and basically hang on in there until your dc starts school. Our school does free wrap around care now which is a huge help to those who need it. Something to look at when/if you decide to move out and rent is to find a school which has this.

Are you able to look for alternatives to your current childcare provider? Your fees seem very high but I live in Scotland so this may be the norm for you. I know when we were looking nursery's and child minders were very different costs.

Also you look up tax free childcare. We claim the tax back through hmrc. You can't claim this and child tax credits however.

Hi everyone - thank you so much for all the advice, it is good to see it from all angles.

It is expensive where I live, nursery fees at this cost is the norm, and my mum has her 1.5 days a week too. Next year when she is 3 I will be entitled to 30 free hours.

I do not take home 2k a month ! It's 1600 after tax and pension contribution is removed.

Our relationship is good, so I get what some of you are saying about sticking with it. And my post wasn't saying we were splitting up, but I just wanted some advice on what position I would be in if that did happen.

I like the idea of counselling too.

It's interesting though, if I did leave how hard it would be and for others in the same boat. Especially when you think of the bills when you add them all up.

It is amazing that 26k is deemed enough to live on. I don't even have debts and I know I wouldn't be able to do it.

I think you would get something.

Our situation is that my OH earns £20k. I don’t work. We also live in the south east and pay £950 pm for a 2 bed detached house. We have 1 son. We are entitled to housing benefit, child tax credits and child benefit which brings our annual income to £26k (before my OH is taxed). This is the same as your income, however less of ours is deducted for tax (£6k benefits tax free) and we have no childcare costs. So I think you would definitely get some help although it would probably be minimal to help cover some childcare costs. And also our £26K is for 2 adults and 1 child whereas yours would be for 1 adult and 1 child. I would assume your OH would also have to pay some child maintenance.

OP if you'd like to PM me, I can likely help x

I think he would pay maintenance, but he is self employed so I would rather not rely on it just incase.

I do hope that we can work through it. I wouldn't stay with him to financially benefit unless it was mutually agreeable. Ultimately we love each other a lot and have a wonderful DD who we adore so I am up for trying. Every now and then the 'issue' rears it's ugly head though and we both wonder if we can spend a future together like this.

He said today he is going to get some counselling.

As others have advised use entitled to website. I would think you would get help towards childcare costs in the form of tax credits and some housing costs help as well. But the amounts depend on your exact figures. Definitely try and stay in work if possible as it will get easier when the childcare cost goes down.

Seriously 2 pillows? Many teachers, nurses etc earn far l3ss. Never mind those on minimum wage..
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