AIBU to ask if anyone re-started life at 30?!

[Elspeth12345]

AIBU to ask if anyone has started their life or started again at 30?

I'm 30 and my life is a lot less 'together' than it was when I was 18!

I'm back living with my parents (I moved to a city 300 miles away at 18), I have no career, I spent years as a full-time dementia carer for a relative in my twenties, I'm not in a relationship and I'm broke(n).

What on earth should I do to piece my life back together and form some sort of life?

At 18 I thought that by 30 I would be in a great career (with two degrees), married, a home-owner, with two children and a great group of friends.

Where do I start?!

Is it even possible to start life at 30?

If it's any consolation I've restarted at over 50. Have up work. Completed degree and now looking at work options. You can do what you want when you want but takes a leap of faith.

Did you go to university or get any qualifications? What would you like to do?

No, but I am in a similar position and looking to start over; I am not truly sure what I want in honesty, but I know I don't want to carry on being miserable when there is always time to try and make things better.

I did. Well, at 35 really. Got married at 31, having been together 15 years. Seemed like the natural progression but it didn’t last. One day aged 35 I woke up and realised I was really unhappy and if I was lucky enough to live until I was 90 like both my grandmothers, that was another 55 years, and I knew I wanted out.

I moved out, got divorced (no kids) got a new job, found a new bloke and we’ve just bought a house together. From the outside it might look like a similar set up to the one I had before, but it couldn’t be more different.

I’m confident, happy, enjoy having a job that challenges me, and genuinely look forward to everything I’m going to do in the next however many years I’m lucky enough to have.

Truly the best decision I ever made.

At 30 I started a new job, took up a new hobby, made loads of new friends, met (now) DH and - it sounds really corny - discovered who I really was after a long, horrible relationship with an abusive arsehole.

Yep! Left me emotionally abusive husband and moved to a different city. Was remarried and pregnant by 33.

I started again after 30. Got divorced, lost my house, it was a mess. Was lucky to have a stable job at the time and education/work history begins me.

You start with one thing at a time! Do you work if not in a career? I’ve got several friends who’ve studied while working, esp open university. The support is fantastic if you’re in a position to do that.

Absolutely. I was slightly younger when I had felt my life had gone completely pear shaped. Bullied off my phD by my supervisor. Relationship ended as partner didn’t want a long distance relationship.

5 years later I had requalified. Good job. Married and had a baby.

Although it may be depressing to be on your own. It is much easier to do something when you don’t have any dependents.

Starting point I would say is work/qualifications. What do you have? Do you want to retrain/get a degree?

It's not too late; infact short of being on your deathbed it's never too late.

Start by mind mapping. Your name in the middle of the page and add as many categories as you see fit:

Career; Education, Finances, Relationships, Location...

Then underneath list what you've got/ your current status. And in another column what you'd like to achieve / the ideal. Don't hold back but be realistic; so you clearly won't ever be President of the U.S but if perhaps moving to the U.S might be one of your choices for 'Location' iyswim.

I did. My 20s were a bit of a waste of time tbh. I went back to college at 30 and did a degree. I really feel like my life began at 30.

I started again at 35 when I left my exH who I'd been with all my adult life. Whilst I still have issues, my life now is much better.

I did as well! I was a struggling actress doing shitty temp office jobs, in a dead end relationship with a habitual liar and skint.

I left him, moved into my friends spare room, applied to be a police officer and met the man of my dreams

3 years later and I'm now a full time cop living with new man in a gorgeous house and happier than I've ever been.

I promise you can do it OP!

30 seems so old when you're 18 but really you're still young and have most of your life still aid out in front of you. 30 is a good age as well because you're old enough to start a career, get a house, but still young enough to still go out and be a bit hedonistic for a while.

i hope so OP!
im 30.
graduated age 22.
worked till 26 took redundancy wen pregnant.
4 years at home with kid.

so worked 4 years. 4 years off. i feel like they cancel each other out.
i feel like 30 is too old for entry level (/aimed at new graduates) roles?? i hope not! I dont want to do the job i did in my 20s and perhaps my field doesnt really want me now im tired and older and less enthusiatic to work so many unpaid hours round the clock. so that career path has extinguished itself.

i completely understand. i dont think iv achieved much in my working years/20s. thought id be higher up in career level.

re-starting feels hard!

watching this thread with interest on advice you get!

Yep. I turned 31 last year and went back to college. Single parent with 3DC in tow. No support. Due to move area soon to start Uni in September Total overhaul.

I moved back to the UK after 8 years overseas when I was 34.

I sold most of my possessions when I left Asia, so had to start again in terms of finding a job, somewhere to live, making friends, buying a car, furniture, and even warm clothes! (I didn't own a coat, proper shoes, or any jumpers or cardigans!).

It is completely doable, 10 years later I live with my DP, have a job I love, all the possessions I need, and some fab friends.

Good luck OP!

Yep, at 29.5 I walked away from a long term relationship and impending marriage. Moved back in with my parents for the first time in over 10 years which was a bit of an upheaval and involved a fairly long commute.

Thought I was absolutely screwed 'life' wise as all my friends were settled down.

Almost 3 years later to the day today I've just put DC1 to bed and I'm expecting DC2 any day now literally living the life I always thought I would do with a wonderful DP.

I still have a very long commute though.

Thank you for the great replies!

I will use the mind-mapping technique- thanks Vladmirs!

I am looking into courses. I previously went to a top ten uni, got A grades for all my honours level work, fell ill and dropped out of third year so I don't even have a degree yet. My parents, siblings and friends all have postgrad degrees and I always thought I would too! Obviously until I get my degree my career options are more limited.

I guess the husband and kids thing may or may not happen for me so i'll just have to live life and see how it goes!

Thanks again for your help! I will come back to this thread when I need motivation!

Is it possible to contact the university you were at and see if there is any possibility of finishing your degree so you don’t have to do the whole thing again?

transferring credits may be an option if it’s not practical to go back to that uni.

No unfortunately not LoveinTokyo because I officially withdrew from my course, having already taken a leave of absence due to my illness.

Thanks notdaddycool, I think I will do that. Most Unis will only let you transfer a limited number of credits but it will still reduce the length of a course.

30 is the best time to start over. I think I have started over at least twice since then!
As long as you are always open to learning you can start over an infinite number of times.

I did, twice, at 30 I quit my job, moved to the other side of the world with my now ex and went to university for the first time. At 34 I left my 10 year relationship, moved back home to the UK, with no job, no home, no car, and a degree not worth the paper it was written on. I moved back in with parents, got a job, bought a car, met my now DH (on tinder of all things) and now at 36 I am married with a 4 month old son, and I'm half way through a degree with the open university. My life is worlds different to what it was at 29, and at 33. And I'm sure 5 years from now it will look very different again. And I'm quite happy with that!

Absolutely you can! I'm 38 and am on my 4th career now. I'm not saying it is easy and my income has gone up and down over the years but you can always start again.

The best place to start is by identifying the thing that brings you the most joy. If you do what makes you happy the rest often falls into place. Or from the other side, if you know what makes you unhappy and you can figure out why that can help too.

Don't worry about the degree - I've not got one and have had senior positions and also worked for myself - it needn't be a barrier.

There's no reason why husband and kids can't happen for you either... there are many doors open to you, it''s about finding the right one!

Yep. Divorced husband. Moved me + 2 kids 300 miles away...had 2 more babies...got married...Am happier than in my 20s by miles.