AIBU to ask if anyone re-started life at 30?!

[Elspeth12345]

AIBU to ask if anyone has started their life or started again at 30?

I'm 30 and my life is a lot less 'together' than it was when I was 18!

I'm back living with my parents (I moved to a city 300 miles away at 18), I have no career, I spent years as a full-time dementia carer for a relative in my twenties, I'm not in a relationship and I'm broke(n).

What on earth should I do to piece my life back together and form some sort of life?

At 18 I thought that by 30 I would be in a great career (with two degrees), married, a home-owner, with two children and a great group of friends.

Where do I start?!

Is it even possible to start life at 30?

I went back to uni at 29, graduated at 32. Met my DH at 31, married at 34 and had Dd at 35.

Honestly, my life was pretty chaotic up until my 30s!

Yep - gave up booze, decade later met DH got married and 2 dc’s my 40 year old self is unrecognisable from 30!

Op did you like being a carer? Would you consider nursing or the like? Know so many people who restarted at 30 at different things-they had no clue what they wanted in their 20s. Start with a list of all the jobs or courses you'd be interested in and well done in advance, you have a clean slate-you can do this!!!

I think its possible at any age but tackle one or max 2 things at a time - choose what is most important or work out a plan of where you want to be and think of a strategy to get there.

Yes!! At 29 I had a part time job in a library having quit my career due to illness. ... and felt trapped in an abusive relationship and unable to escape (emotionally and practically - I lived in a remote village , couldn’t drive and had no money) ... fast forward a decade and I have a career I absolutely love and a wonderful new fiancé. An enormous amount can change in a decade.
It takes a bit of planning, a bit of seizing opportunities (I spotted a job advert with 1 hour before the closing deadline - dropped everything to apply and it turned my life around!), and some hard graft. But don’t write anything off as “too late”.

Oh and I have had so much support and advice from so many amazing mumsnetters over the years too

Hi OP! I’m pretty sure Open University will let you transfer credits fairly generously. Also I think they’re pretty generous about what courses you can transfer onto. Check them out. The way they teach means you get maximum flexibility to work while studying so if you’ve not got too much more studying left to do then it will be the most efficient way to finish your degree.
Good luck ! You can do this.

We left London for Ireland when I was 32. Then when I was 42 we moved to Oz, that was a bit scary but well worth it. I'm late 40s now and I'm considering re-training again. I won't be moving again though unless we retire to Bali or similar. Life is long, I don't really understand people getting stuck in a rut and doing nothing about it.

Yes I did. I was 29 but left an EA looong term relationship, moved to another city, sold my house and eventually bought another. Met my now husband 6 months later and now been married 10 years with 3 kids. Just started back to work full time and life is amazing and pretty much how I hoped it would turn out. Find out what you want, make a plan and keep putting one foot in front of the other until you are there. Good luck

Not me but my friend. I've never really spoken to her about what made her do it, but from everyone else's perspective it's like she woke up on her 30th birthday and just thought 'fuck it'. She literally changed every aspect of her life pretty quickly, and is now happily single living a life that most people (including me) would envy.

Also a degree isn't the be all and end all. My dh didn't finish his and he earns more money and enjoys his job far more than I do.

I emigrated at 31 and completely changed my life - it's been great.

Thanks everyone! your replies have helped me to feel less hopeless!

I restarted at 40!

I was in a toxic relationship, severely depressed & with loads of debt... BUT I'd just managed to get a temping job after being unemployed for ages & I had an amazing therapist encouraging me.

I split from my partner, rented a room from a friend, managed to impress my boss enough to make the job permanent. Five years on I'm happy, healthy & debt free.

Go on, OP, you can do it!!!!

I turn 30 next year and I plan on getting my life together in my 30s. My 20s have been a bit of a downward spiral for me and I'm going to everything I can to get out of it. So yes, I believe life can restart again if you want it to.

Elspeth, I am planning on restarting my life too! I am 33 and at home with my parents. Thought it would be different by now. I believe it's possible - but I am taking the time to think through my options carefully.

It's good to hear that there are other people currently in my situation Funinthesun18 and TheFoodtheFadandtheFugly. Do you have plans for your next steps?

Also that sounds like an amazing re-start Empress!

I still have the odd nightmare where I'm back where I was 5 years ago, but they're a lot less frequent nowadays.

Elspeth, I've also got immense respect for anyone who does full-time dementia care for a relative. I helped with the dementia care for a very much loved relative - usually a weekend every couple of months, but on one occasion a whole week by myself & I was shattered by the end of it.

You can do this. You absolutely can!

Not 30 but 32. Got together with now DH. He now has a job paying double what it did 3 years ago, I am just about to go up a pay band at work after losing hope it would ever happen, 2 foreign holidays last year and this year, new car today, finally getting child maintenance after 5 years of none and to top it off we are waiting to complete on our first home together.

It CAN happen OP. I thought I would be in the same position forever but my life has transformed in 3 years.

Oh god I love this thread

I’m 30 (tomorrow!) and have had a total meltdown on a thread on here (and in RL) about the fact that I’ve totally wasted my 20s and have achieved nothing and have nothing to show for my life (I have a flair for the dramatic!) and I so needed to read this thread!

30 is the new 29 I’ve decid d and I’m going to make this year count!

At 28 I lost my job and was broke, couldn't afford the roof over my head, had been dumped as well, so when my mum asked me to move back home to help care for my gran I thought it was a good idea. I spent two years living in my childhood home, completely isolated and broke, barely ate and got really skinny because I wasn't working so had no money, and barely went out. My 30th was lonely and filled with tears.

When gran died I got a job and a dog and a hobby, passed my driving test and bought a car. At 31 I met DH and we bought a house. My job was awful and I never managed to secure another decent one like I had before, but ultimately it didn't matter because I had two DC and by age 35 was SAHM (crappy job was too poorly paid to allow me to continue working).

Currently living in my nice house with lovely DC and DH, the only thing lacking really is a career and friends but I'm hoping to start afresh when DC go to school.

I started over at 32. I gave up a well paid London job and moved to the countryside (this was over 30 years ago) to a run down cottage, which I did up very slowly
It was very hard at times, and I often thought I had made a mistake, but moving miles away from London was the best thing I ever did. Money was horrendously tight at times because I had to find work, obviously, and the wages were much lower rurally.
But, it was the best thing I ever did, as I met my partner (of 23 years now) and we bought a bigger place together (still rural). I couldn't envisage living in London now.
Whatever you decide to do op, it will be scary, but you have got your best years in front of you.

I sympathise with how you're feeling but tbh I find the idea of 'starting your life' really odd - you started your life 30 years ago! Ok it didn't go exactly as planned but you're lucky enough that you're still here and you're healthy (I'd imagine) so you could end up doing pretty much anything at all anywhere in the world. Nothing you've done so far has been a waste - it's all contributed to who you are now. If you've been a dementia carer you've already done an incredibly hard, important and selfless thing - well done. Clearly you have an enormous amount going for you.

When you're 90 (all going well!) you'll look back at your 30 year old self and feel sad at how little you valued what you've done so far. There's plenty more to do in the next 60+ years, just get on and do it!

Oh you're still young op, what I'd do to be 30 again! Wishful thinking! Get back to university or do a tefl course and teach English as a foreign language whilst travelling the world for a year. I think an extended holiday is just the tonic you need atm. You've spent ten years being a dementia carer. That is very draining so going from that to uni without a break isn't a good idea. Travel a bit and then decide, earn money while teaching English as a foreign language and travelling the world.