This is not a reasonable suggestion.

[confusedatthis]

DH is FIFO, very happy relationship. But I get lonely when he is away. We both enjoy what his role and my income affords us. We have a good level of intimacy and I miss that and the companionship when he is away. He suggested me 'meeting someone else' to keep me company while he is away. He said he wasn't looking for the same in return, but doesn't want me to be lonely or to turn round in 10 years and leave him because he is never here. The only criteria is that I'm honest and open about it. I've been really upset by this. DH seems to think it's a perfectly acceptable solution to a problem. I think he has lost his mind. On what planet would anyone think this is normal?

We aren't swingers but have had threesomes in the past. Which at the time I enjoyed. However I would be keen not to revisit, however he would be. So that's why I think he'd get pleasure out of it. He showed me some porn based around that fantasy recently ...... In my heart I don't think he has an OW or family. An indiscretion maybe, but I don't think an affair.

What is an indiscretion to you, op? Likely it would be recognised as an EA by those of us who have been through it.

Not an EA but perhaps a ONS

That's bloody weird.

By the sounds of it he must have another woman or want another one.

I would see this as a warning sign and keep an eye out for other weird things from him !

Some men do have the fetish of being cheated and will ask their wives to have affairs and then latter encourage them to tell how it was. Maybe he is like this?

So a ONS is an indiscretion and not cheating? Your relationship doesn't sound v healthy to me if you have this opinion of his activities, imo. If he knows you're this blase about ONS, I'm pretty sure he'd feel able to do much worse, and probably has. Sorry.

@Mytwistedimagination I wrote a long post but it vanished... Basically, any profession tangentially or directly connected with work in a hardship- type posting, whether that's sound for television news or someone delivering AIDS programmes. It's profoundly depressing, in all honesty, and has definitely coloured my attitude towards men in general as a result. Everyone says that their partner is different. My completely unscientific observations have shown me that they usually aren't. The three exceptions include a priest. But for all three, I just saw no evidence - it's entirely possible that they just weren't as open about it.

Aren't you bothered if he has ons?

Unfortunately if my husband did all of the above including bringing threesome porn into our relationship lately, my first reaction wouldn't be that he wants the thrill of seeing me with someone else, it would be that he is fantasizing about having another relationship with another person. Sorry OP.

He's definitely shagging about. I commend him for breaking the idea to you in a very softly-softly approach so as to not come out and just tell you he's having at it with others. If you don't mind it then crack on and enjoy the high-life.

It's actually quite common for some men to like the idea of being a cuck and it seems like this is a possibility if he's suggesting this.

It's also a possibility that he has his eyes on someone else or already has his hands on her and is trying to lessen his guilt.

My DH would never suggest anything like this.

He would suggest Skype, phone, text sex or even dirty love letters, but never this.

Open relationships only work when both parties are genuinely engaged in it and the communication, clarity and honesty are high; almost to the point of bluntness. It sounds like he's not there - if he was you'd be clear about what it is he is saying he needs, and why - so I think you're not being unreasonable at all to push back against it.

I think you need to sit him down and probe exactly what itch isn't being scratched for him. That doesn't mean you acquiesce or agree to it, but it's better to know - because then you can be honest in return about why it doesn't work for you. It doesn't sound like you want to be with other men so you need the honest discussion so you have the platform to say that.