This is not a reasonable suggestion.

[confusedatthis]

DH is FIFO, very happy relationship. But I get lonely when he is away. We both enjoy what his role and my income affords us. We have a good level of intimacy and I miss that and the companionship when he is away. He suggested me 'meeting someone else' to keep me company while he is away. He said he wasn't looking for the same in return, but doesn't want me to be lonely or to turn round in 10 years and leave him because he is never here. The only criteria is that I'm honest and open about it. I've been really upset by this. DH seems to think it's a perfectly acceptable solution to a problem. I think he has lost his mind. On what planet would anyone think this is normal?

I'd assume he enjoys his opportunity to 'fly out' and have casual relationships/or has a significant other.

If you are not working why don't you travel with him? Is this possible?

How would you feel if he did have an OW? Would that end things for you? It would for me, 100%, but then everyone is different.

How is this voyeurism if he's away when your 'friend' would be visiting? Sorry, but he's already had someone himself.

Yeah he's a shagging about. Sorry OP 😔

I would assume he is trying to ease you into going along with his fetish (that being wanting to see other men with his wife) or he is already seeing other people.

There is a huge difference between a suggestion like this coming out of the blue in which case I'd agree with other commenters.. and if you're always going on about being lonely and how you need companionship and he's doing the "man thing" of coming up with a solution.

“How is this voyeurism if he's away when your 'friend' would be visiting?” Some men like hearing their partner talk about sec with other people and fantasise about it, even if they don’t actually see it. The OP day’s her DH likes other men chatting her up, so who knows?

And maybe he is the one man in 1000 who feels guilty about leaving his partner and was rather she was happy. Maybe he is truthful. But he isn’t understanding you very well if he thinks any old guy, rather than him, your DH, would provide that happiness.

He's got one or more other women already and wants you to do the same to let him off the cheating hook.

As the exP of a FIFO I'd bet my mortgage that he's got someone else. I'd say 75% of them at least are playing away. At least.

BusyBarbara may have a point, especially if you seem so unhappy that losing you could be a possibility.

On the other hand I have witnessed enough behaviour by men a plane ride from home to think that significant numbers play away.

BUT I have seen them do that whilst also wanting to stay married, loving their wives and families and really feeling that a quick ‘away liaison ‘ doesn’t affect their feeling for their partner. They truly compartmentalise. In doing so, maybe he does feel that you could do something similiar without it impinging on your marriage.

I KNOW that the women at home in these marriages would certainly not see the ‘liaisons ‘ as of no consequence, and that the deceit is a betrayal. But whatever we think, it is a truth that loving family men nevertheless do this.

My husband is ex Forces, and was frequently away, and we weekended for years. He now spends a considerable amount of time travelling in his post Forces job, and I go with him on some trips. Could you go on some of your dh's shorter trips?

DH has never suggested that I have a friend with benefits and if either of us did, then the marriage would be over. I think yours is seeing someone else, as if he was that concerned, he would be rethinking his career choice.

He's got someone else. Sorry OP.

I think it's a weaselly way to open up the marriage so he can have extra, if he isn't already. If you do it first with his blessing, he retains the moral high ground.

He almost certainly has an OW or is lining one up.

Deciding mutually that you want to have an open relationship is one thing -- not for everyone but works for some people.

He is trying to be proactive about this so he can assuage his guilt when he gets together with someone else. Presumably the goal is for him to turn around after the OW has come to light and say "but you wanted an open relationship too."

Whether you can deal with this or not is up to you, but please go in with your eyes open.

Whatever the reason for his suggestion I wouldn't be happy about it. Even if he genuinely just isn't a jealous person and there's no other ulterior motive (which is doubtful tbf) I'd be a little upset that my husband doesn't care if I slept with other men

Hmmm, I genuinely don’t think he has an OW!

Look up ‘hotwifing’, OP. Does that sound like what he’s asking you to do? As in, he would get off on the knowledge that his wife has been with another man.

Don’t do anything you don’t want to do, though!

Hotwifing? Really? What an utterly revolting phrase

OP your update sounds like you're a little
bit in denial/not addressing what people are saying. I would find this suggestion highly suspect, and it doesn't make sense as a type of voyeurism, although you want to believe that as it's the least awful option.

I've no idea whether he has another woman, but his suggestion is very odd and I would not be happy with that solution so definitely think you should try to work out why he's suggested it. I could see it being possibly he plays away but would not assume that.
My dad used to work away and he shagged about loads whilst pretending he didn't to my mum. He would not have been happy if she's did the same!!

Bit I think that 75% is a rather conservative estimate I used to work in the field a lot more and longer than I do now - over 20 years, some professions have a 100% hit rate of local girlfriends/sex workers/colleagues, whereas others it was much lower - around 98%... I can count the married/partnered men who weren't unfaithful whilst working overseas on the fingers of one hand, unfortunately (I've known 3). Obviously, this is a biased sample and in no way statistically relevant - but it does mean I'd never date someone who works in hardship postings in certain sectors...

I'd ask him, OP, why this is his solution to your situation: it's an odd option to come out of the blue but if, for example, you are swingers when you're together, and he's saying he's happy for you to play alone, that's a very different context to you being monogamous together and never even raising the issue previously.

I too think he has someone else, or at least he has played away. He's suggesting this to you to ease his own guilt. I think I would be considering whether this relationship has come to an end.

He likes the ego boost of men chatting me up or looking at me. So I think part of it is voyeuristic, getting off on the thought of other men being with his wife

Are you sure? It would be fairly unusual for this to be that if he's suggesting you go for other blokes when he's in another country.

I can see why you'd desperately want it to be that, but I think, it's not, not really. And I suspect you know it deep down.

Well, regarding the "hotwifeing", he did say that he wanted her to be "completely open and honest". That could translate to "describing in intimate detail" OP's exploits with another man.

But my immediate thought was that he has another woman or even another family, elsewhere.

Bluntness - I agree. Would be unusual even if he was in the same country. Or town. Or house.

@Hefzi, that's depressing, which professions /sectors were those??