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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Anxiety is so bad in case of HIV risk feeling upset and guilty

69 replies

Stuckinanxiety · 27/05/2018 18:49

I know it's my anxiety talking bollocks in my head. My friend has HIV, I'm reasonably well informed on it, I don't usually think about it when we're spending time together.

However we were at a party last night and she got very drunk and wet herself and vomited. I helped her get sorted out and get changed and definitely came into contact with the bodily fluids slightly.

I was fairly drunk but ok myself, but I think it's the alcohol making me feel so anxious in case I'm at risk now of getting it? I feel so guilty for even thinking this way, like I'm letting my friend down or something, but I'm so anxious I'm considering taking PEP (the pill you can take if you've been exposed to the virus).

Need a reality check. This is anxiety isn't it?

OP posts:

HIVpos · 28/05/2018 11:35

All medication can have side effects - even paracetamol - and they need to be listed on patient leaflets. However PEP is generally very well tolerated.

That said, the OP has absolutely no need of it as there was no risk.

The forum mentioned by Myheartbelongsto will be this - have linked the relevant page www.poz.com/basics/hiv-basics/hiv-transmission-risks

Birdsgottafly · 28/05/2018 18:03

HIVpos, I've worked voluntary in a service to hiv+ people and their families. I've seen people have really bad side effects.

It's like the IRIS, some go through a bad time, others hardly notice it.

The point is, to suggest someone take a powerful drug (which also isn't cheap) because of anxiety when there is no possibility of contracting the condition, is ridiculous.

HIVpos · 28/05/2018 23:11

Birdsgottafly - true there are some HIV meds that are less well tolerated terms than others. However in the U.K. PEP contains Truvada (TDF/Emtriva) & Raltegravir, which has a pretty good side effect profile. This explains it in more detail i-base.info/qa/853 . I only say this as no one should be scared of taking it IF they have been in a risky situation.

However I also said the OP did not need to take this as there was no risk.

Branleuse · 28/05/2018 23:26

you won't have it but I'd go to the hospital tonight or tomorrow and tell them you've been in contact with bodily fluids from an HIV positive person and need the anti viral medication PEP
I think you need to for your anxiety as much as anything.

Cockmagic · 28/05/2018 23:30

Hi op.

I also have ocd, and anxiety. My brother has HIV and once gave me a kiss and cuddles, I was convinced I'd contracted it and spent hours feeling my lymph nodes and googling symptoms.

It got to the point I would dread my period thorough feat if passing it on to my daughter by accident through the toilet seat.

All bonkers of course, but it was my OCD talking.

I saw a CBT therapist and helped to overcome my anxiety. Fiat stop was the go who referred me.

I'm now on anti depressants and managing fine.
Have you been to the soctors?

Cockmagic · 28/05/2018 23:32

Branleuse

There is no risk to op through the transmission she has described.

Once on anti viral Medication the conditiob is managed. For example my brother's blood test are now negative he is unable to pass it on even through unprotected sex.

Google it.

Branleuse · 28/05/2018 23:39

I believe you but I know that I would be paranoid anyway.

Original poster

Stuckinanxiety · 28/05/2018 23:42

I'm ok today. Like I said I know rationally that it's not realistic to think I contracted the virus, but anxiety isn't rational.

Feel slightly annoyed with the people saying 'get more help with your anxiety'. Mental health services are sparse. Somebody like me, who is mostly fine and not suffering, is not a priority for any mental health service at all! Which is how it should be given how little resources are there.

It doesn't mean to say it's ok or good that I have my occasional anxiety attacks. But I have to manage them how I can, and mostly I am fine I don't have bad attacks like this frequently. Although I actually have organised private counselling for something else myself anyway which is coming up soon. Not everyone has access to that though, it depends on money and also where you live and how many private practitioners are nearby.

OP posts:

Original poster

Stuckinanxiety · 28/05/2018 23:46

I am not going to take PEP by the way. Mostly because, where would it end? Every time I hang out with my friend, I don't want to be encouraging myself into anxiety in case something happens and then I feel I need to go and get PEP again.

If there was an accident with lots of blood that would be different and need a different assessment. But for now I think I need to be very firm with myself and not give into the compulsion to act as though I've had a logical big risk.

That's the mad thing. In the grip of the anxiety, I almost lose sight of the facts of the situation and start beating myself up as if I've already been diagnosed and it's a done deal That only lasts for a few mins before I remember and think fuck don't be silly, you haven't actually had a big risk. Fuck anxiety.

OP posts:

WallisWindsor · 28/05/2018 23:57

You deserve credit (for looking after your friend).
I have been affected by HIV (having lost loved ones) and I can say you were not at risk at all under those circumstances. You just need to work on your anxiety.

mancmummy1414 · 29/05/2018 00:00

Anxiety always wins over logic in my mind. And it’s debilitating.

Thorsday · 29/05/2018 05:00

Your poor friend. Please don't ever tell her you've felt this way - it's rough enough having HIV without having people think you're going to infect them with the slightest amount of bodily fluid.

Cockmagic · 29/05/2018 07:11

Glad you're feeling better today. I waited months for CBT treatment , and that was when they pushed me to the top of the list.

Good luck

frumpety · 29/05/2018 07:28

I think the alcohol is definitely playing a role in exacerbating your anxiety , a lot of people , myself included, get The Fear the following day.
You have already been given plenty of information explaining why you haven't contracted the virus from helping your friend. You know you haven't contracted the virus. But The Fear is still there because of the alcohol you had, focus on the fact that your anxiety is as a result of the alcohol , it will probably have left your system by the time you read this and you will be feeling a lot less anxious

randomuntrainedcuntowner · 29/05/2018 07:36

If your friend knows she has it, the chances are she is on treatment so her viral load may be very low of even undetectable. So it might be nigh on impossible to catch it from her, and especially in the circumstances you describe. Go to a sexual health clinic and by all means get tested, but it is highly improbable you will be given PEP in those circumstances.

If you are very concerned then go to A&E for advice, but I suspect that they will not give you PEP. They may give you advice however and counsel you on the risks.

freezerfoodyum · 29/05/2018 07:42

I love how people just say "get help for your anxiety" like it's super easy. I have had years, and I really do mean years, of CBT, counselling, psychotherapy, group therapy and every drug under the sun you can think of.

None of it has ever helped my health anxiety one tiny bit. You have my full sympathy op, it's awful

freezerfoodyum · 29/05/2018 07:44

Your poor friend. Please don't ever tell her you've felt this way - it's rough enough having HIV without having people think you're going to infect them with the slightest amount of bodily fluid

Of course op won't say anything. You do know anxiety is a mental illness and not something the op is actually choosing to feel?

leighdinglady · 29/05/2018 07:44

It doesn't transmit through vomit or urine. Plus - if your friend is taking their meds it's incredibly unlikely to transmit at all

LRH1983 · 29/05/2018 07:49

Big round of applause for you, OP, for a) being an excellent friend. HIV or not, it takes a special friend to clear up another adult's vomit! B) recognising that your anxiety is irrational and taking steps to move past it and c) deciding not to give in to the compulsion and request PEP. I suspect you'd have had to lie to obtain it anyway, as in the scenario described there would be no need

I have suffered with health-related anxiety and OCD for almost all my life. It began as a child but really spiralled when I was a teenager and became aware of HIV. For 20 years I have had HIV-focussed anxiety and OCD. It got so bad at one point that I would not leave my home, convinced that someone was going to try and stab me with a needle or something. My point is, I totally feel you. I totally understand that sickening feeling of dread, obsessive need to go over what happened or check eg the scratch on your hand, obsessing over whether it is "open" or not. Also I have a lot of experience of just how much worse it's all made by alcohol.

But I have it under control now. For now, I should say. And that has mostly been down to arming myself with facts about transmission AND the fact that even if for some reason it ever were to happen, it's not the end of the world it once was.

for you, OP. You sound like you have your head screwed on.

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