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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About in laws "helping"

77 replies

PaintItBlack1 · 27/05/2018 15:21

Have a deadline this week to finish painting new house (upstairs) before carpet goes down next week.
DH and I have booked annual leave, my DF is retired and handy so is helping (and a complete grafter, he's done a lot for the new house, genuinely couldn't have managed without him).

In laws heard we are painting and offered to help, announced to DH that they will be staying with us in current rental house for 5 days while we all work on the new house.

Except they've bloody well turned up without painting clothes, with the intention of maybe helping for a day but mostly want to see the grandchildren (that they won't look after on their own because they don't know what to do if they're upset/don't know what to feed them/don't know how to put down for naps etc and have no intention of learning)!

Fair enough if they would come and look after DCs while we paint but really they are hindering our progress as me and /or DH needs to stay with them and supervise the DCs (otherwise DM would have them for the day).

AIBU to tell them to piss off and let us get on with it?? There's enough to do without wasting my week waiting on them and supervising them seeing the children!!

OP posts:
cardibach · 27/05/2018 18:37

Wait, OP. You say she's never asked to be left in charge of them and if I asked I think she would refuse
So you haven’t actually asked them to look after the children? What’s the problem then? Ask them, if they say no, you take the DC to your mums and they can’t complan.

Original poster
PaintItBlack1 · 27/05/2018 18:38

Right - I've told DH I will get up early with the kids, drop them to DM and go with DF to get started tomorrow.

Then DH can sort out who is doing what and either help or not help!

Do I tell them or just aim to be gone before they are up in the morning?!Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
PaintItBlack1 · 27/05/2018 18:39

Don't know what to do about the rest of the week! Confused

OP posts:
ScrubTheDecks · 27/05/2018 18:41

Just aim to be gone early!

You don't have to ask them to leave. Just let them see that stuff needs doing, and you are doing it.

ScrubTheDecks · 27/05/2018 18:42

How far have they travelled to be with you?

Original poster
PaintItBlack1 · 27/05/2018 18:46

They've come from 4 hours away- a bit far to send them home.

To all the people saying ask DM to come over with PIL to watch DC - I think MIL would be highly offended, she was a childminder (!) and thinks she knows it all - surprisingly she is fairly poor at responding to DCs needs, never done a nappy for us etc.

Also DM was watching DC when they arrived (DH at work and me on errand) and they were NOT happy, they think my DM/DF are favoured (just see them more due to geography) and DM waited until I was back to leave!

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 27/05/2018 18:49

I would do allmysmellysocks plan. But you can revisit after tomorrow. It would be bloody annoying!

Original poster
PaintItBlack1 · 27/05/2018 18:55

Just heard DH telling MIL that DM will have the DC tomorrow, does she want to paint the hallway or the bedroom Grin

He's a keeper Halo

OP posts:
GladysKnight · 27/05/2018 18:58

Yay!!!!

RandomMess · 27/05/2018 19:00

Result Wine

MaggieFS · 27/05/2018 19:07

Oooh well done him. What has she said in response?

Original poster
PaintItBlack1 · 27/05/2018 19:08

She said she will see if she feels better in the morning, she might be too tired to paint Angry

He tried!!

OP posts:
BustopherJones · 27/05/2018 19:11

Oh for goodness sake!

At least they won’t be getting in the way of your plans. But what do people like this think helping is? What were they expecting to do?

Takeoutyourhen · 27/05/2018 19:13

OP I feel your pain about the "but they don't know us" spiel. When my parents spend time with my kids, it's more of an observation from the sofa with a phone in hand.
Once we had my dad offer to help us with some DIY which we gladly accepted but realised it was more of a hindrance and he couldn't cope with the childcare either. Now I realise that my m just wanted to bundle him off to us.

I was also going to mention the all in one diy boiler suits but if you may have to oversee childcare or meal making, I imagine overseeing painting would be painful!

I've realised that when you have big things going on and parents/in laws offer to help, it's often not the kind of help you'd like. At least that is the case for my family anyway. Got a marvellous and hands on MiL though :)

Hope you get the house painted before the carpet fitters are due!

MaggieFS · 27/05/2018 19:15

Four hours travel to do absolutely bugger all. Would love to know the thought process behind that!

At least you can carry on with plans as you were!

Original poster
PaintItBlack1 · 27/05/2018 19:41

I know Maggie! Usually they stay for 2-3 days (usually the limit of my tolerance!) but I thought with it being a longer stay they would genuinely help sigh

OP posts:
Original poster
PaintItBlack1 · 28/05/2018 19:27

Update:

Feel like a mega bitch!

MIL didn't want to paint but DF convinced her to paint a cupboard and it spiralled from there! Everyone was working hard and the majority of the work was done in one day!

Have suggested a half day to get the rest done tomorrow. They're not that enthusiastic about it. Will see!

OP posts:
AnathemaPulsifer · 28/05/2018 19:30

No need at all to feel like a bitch. They knew what you needed to get done. They came to 'help'. Looks like they did in the end Grin

GeekyWombat · 28/05/2018 19:34

Make them do the work in the morning and then all go out for a lovely lunch in the sunshine. Everyone wins (by which I mean mostly you. Yay!)

cryingbehindsunglasses · 28/05/2018 19:49

Reading between the lines, I suspect they came to look after the children, not to paint. But you don't trust them with the children and are pretending. That. They also don't want to look after them. They probably do feel jealous that your parents get so much more time with the kids, living closer and all.

cryingbehindsunglasses · 28/05/2018 19:51

And are pretending that they...
Not sure where all those full stops came from

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/05/2018 21:05

No need to read between any lines @cryingbehindsunglasses they said they were coming to help and then made a fuss trying to get out of it and being a hindrance. I suspect OP and her DH know a bit more about the dynamic than you do.

Original poster
PaintItBlack1 · 28/05/2018 21:59

Genuinely FIL has zero interest in children and MIL is suddenly "tired" or "ill" after looking after them Hmm

OP posts:
BustopherJones · 29/05/2018 11:22

Have you nearly finished, OP?

Lacucuracha · 29/05/2018 11:31

It sounds like they got stuck in, so that's a result!