Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she’s faking?

670 replies

Appleofmypie · 27/05/2018 14:34

One of my team at work is 14 weeks pregnant. She’s been off sick for 5 weeks with severe hyperemesis and still has a week left on her sick note (she’s being signed off for 2 weeks at a time)

By complete coincidence she is Facebook friends with a friend of mine.

My friend has put some pictures on Facebook this morning of her Greek holiday she’s still on, and my work colleague is in most of them - sunbathing, eating, swimming in the sea, playing volleyball. She has obviously blocked me as she is tagged in the pictures but her name is unclickable.

I’m gonna sound like a complete cow but I think she’s faking her sickness.
She’s on full pay from work and we’re having to pay an agency temp to cover her work too. It’s a small company that is struggling and I doubt we’re going to make any profit this month due to this.

My questions are:

Should I tell/show our boss?
What evidence of hyperemesis does a GP need to see to sign you off or Could it just be on her say so?
Is she actually doing anything illegal?
I know that pregnancy sickness is covered separately to normal in terms of disciplinary but if it’s proven she’s faking could it still be gross misconduct?

Thanks

OP posts:
Polarbearflavour · 27/05/2018 17:54

How do you know what’s on her sick note?

MadameOvary · 27/05/2018 17:56

Yeah, it's not looking good for your colleague, OP.

SeriousSass · 27/05/2018 17:58

I’d have reported it to. The boss can deal with it. If I was the OP I wouldn’t mention it ever again to either the Boss or the woman or anyone else even if I was curious as to the outcome.

Unfortuanately women have far more ‘sick days’ than men some of which are understandable ie pregnancy related but even so.....

Original poster
Appleofmypie · 27/05/2018 18:00

@greyponcho - they’re pedestrianising the high street, it’s been going on since February a bit at a time so the road has been blocked off. I’m not sure if boss can claim for loss of earnings but I will mention it to her.
Hers is not the only business losing money since it’s been going on. Its a market town made up of many independent shops as well as your more recognisable ones. At least 3 shops have closed as a combination of raised rents, raised rates and less business. It will end up a ghost town soon and it’s such a shame.

@carycach100 I don’t understand why you felt the need for name calling. As detailed above my colleague knows all of what’s going on and if she is lying then her behaviour is despicable knowing what she’s jeopardising.

I only have her say so that she has hyperemesis- that’s the word she used when she came in to hand her sicknote in. Whether that’s what’s on her note or not I don’t know. Which is why I posted to ask advice.

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 27/05/2018 18:01

I had normal morning sickness....threw up brushing teeth, driving along, unexpectedly on a bus, and even while walking along the road. I didn't even mention it to my midwife.

I did fly at 5 months, for holiday and work, but didn't take any time off...I was still vomiting a bit then.

She's completely taking the piss.

No way would I have got on a plane if I'd been signed off work.

HeedMove · 27/05/2018 18:01

I had severe hyperemsis with two preganancies. With my second child I was abroad when it had died down a bit which wasnt till about five months. I couldnt of done that at 16 weeks. Everyone is different but at that stage I was puking over 40 times a day lay on the floor sobbing and actually considered Abortion as I didnt think I could carry on so ill and sick at every slight scent, motion in the car, talk or sight of food. Everything triggered it. But everyone is different..I certainely couldnt of done a holiday or plane journey at that stage personally.

When I had hg there was very little people had heard of it I knew. Princess kate seems to of raised its profile.

SeriousSass · 27/05/2018 18:02

ONS - Which groups have the highest sickness absence rates

women 2.5% versus 1.6% for men

AllMYSmellySocks · 27/05/2018 18:06

For me pictures, statuses etc on Facebook paint a very different picture to that of real life.

While this is true, the friend might have been all smiles in the photos but still feeling grotty and running to the toilet every half hour. That said I don't think you could be that ill if you've gone on holiday to Greece. Also when was the holiday booked? I can't imagine being too sick to return to work but still booking a last minute holiday involving air travel. If the holiday had been booked well in advance why had time off not been booked?

Usually I wouldn't get involved but I think that's really unfair in a small company struggling to get by.

chocolateworshipper · 27/05/2018 18:07

One thing you will need to consider when making a decision OP - how would your boss react if she later on found out that you knew and didn't say anything? If you decide to tell, just keep it factual - do not pass any judgement because that's for your boss decide.

TorviBrightspear · 27/05/2018 18:09

but she, well her dp, brought her last sicknote into work on what now turns out to be the morning of their flight to Greece

I'd have done what the OP did. She's simply passed stuff on to the boss, who obviously will have more information, eg sicknotes, etc.

I'd be really suspicious.

midnightmisssuki · 27/05/2018 18:13

I had morning sickness with both children - severe enough to be hospitalised and on drugs meant for cancer patients - people like her make me so angry. It’s completely unacceptable. If you have HG - you cannot physically do much. You are so drained you are literally doing all you can to survive, while feeling like absolute shit.

Call her out on it OP.

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/05/2018 18:14

Apple
People are assuming this is a last minute holiday. Do you know if that was the case? It seems odd that your friend (and anyone else joining the party) could get time off work at very short notice if she / they work.

Carycach
Would you have been able to travel, eat whilst lying in the sun, swim in the sea and play volleyball with HG? I assume not. You’re projecting immensely and your anger is misplaced. Save it for the woman holidaying and pretending to have a serious medical condition.

mirime · 27/05/2018 18:17

Those saying it's easy to get signed off, that really depends on your GP. Mine told me there was nothing they could do until I was actually dehydrated enough to need hospital treatment and her 'advice' was to try harder to drink.

I just struggled on, though in hindsight I really should have had time off.

Must admit the Facebook pictures sound suspicious. Walking made me sick, or at least dry heave. Volleyball would have been impossible. I certainly didn't have an abrupt end to symptoms, it just sort of petered out after 20 weeks.

SickofPeterRabbit · 27/05/2018 18:20

I also had Hyperemesis and I could barely leave the drip in hospital, let alone chuck a ball about in another country!

PetulantPolecat · 27/05/2018 18:22

“People are assuming this is a last minute holiday. Do you know if that was the case?”

We are going by what the OP said.. the woman has not booked any annual leave because she’s “saving it” to take around her maternity leave dates.

So to suggest it’s laat minute is being kind, as otherwise she’s scheming and planned it.

SickofPeterRabbit · 27/05/2018 18:23

And even once my HG eased off at 7 months, I tread VERY carefully on the nausea front. No unnecessary car journeys, let alone plane journeys. No non-bland and simple foods etc. Greece?! Ha! No way

HeedMove · 27/05/2018 18:26

If you are friends with the woman she is away with and she is only friends with her through their dps, then do you not know when the holiday was booked and that they were all going together? Or are you more acquaintences?

SickofPeterRabbit · 27/05/2018 18:28

@JessicaJonesJacket
Wrong. In a tribunal, (if the person in question was fired and brought it to a tribunal, that is) the pregnant person would be required to prove she wasn't in Greece. OP has proof she was. Very fire-able

Dancingmonkey87 · 27/05/2018 18:29

What do you want to achieve op? Do you want this lady sacked and unable to get maternity leave? I’m a firm believer in Karma and what goes around comes around. There was no need to snitch. Also as someone said she has obtained a sick note which has been signed off there’s very little your employer can do. As someone said fb is a snap shot.

Birdsgottafly · 27/05/2018 18:30

"Yes, because when you’re so unwell you can’t work from a physical ailment, a doctor is going to suggest flying to another country is just what you need to relax."

My Consultant did just that. it wasn't pregnancy related. We booked the holiday whilst i was still in hospital and they sped up me being discharged (it was the only time my DP could get off work).

The Duchess of C, was seen on a break when she was to ill to carry out public engagements.

Doing the things mentioned doesn't compare to having to get out of bed at a set time, get dressed into work clothes, manage all day in work, travel home etc.

On holiday/off work, you can eat and sleep when you need to. Or just lie down after you've ate, which you can't in work.

Playing a bit of volleyball is physical, it isn't having to concentrate.

OP, tell your boss, if you feel the need. She might not be signed off with HG and your boss just tells you to MYOB (which she should). Just be aware that it will have been you that has created the atmosphere.

Just watch that in your enthusiasm to see that your boss is treated as you think they deserve, it doesn't turn into low level bullying, on your part.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 27/05/2018 18:34

I currently have HG of the variety severe enough to be being induced early ( tomorrow).

I am rarely able to manage a full day at work.
I am also in a great deal of pain mainly due to medication side effects.

I’ve flown abroad 7 times in the last few months for things I deemed important enough or even mildly beneficial to me.

OneStepSideways · 27/05/2018 18:39

Perhaps she had severe hypermesis then felt suddenly better? In which case the holiday might have helped her recovery. I had severe HG my entire pregnancy and couldn't travel in the car without vomiting let alone contemplate a plane!

But many people do get better after a few months. She might have started new medication too.

If she's been vomiting constantly for months she might have felt too weak to return to work.

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/05/2018 18:39

PetulantPolecat
Exactly. That’s why I asked. Op may be able to verify through her mutual friend whether the holiday was planned a long time or is a last minute affair.

sunnydaynoworking · 27/05/2018 18:40

I had bad morning sickness (not HG though) that lasted till about 25 weeks. The only time it let up was during a holiday in Spain - don't know if it was the sun, being off work or less stressed, but that was the best I felt for the whole pregnancy.
(I was not absent from work however)

Original poster
Appleofmypie · 27/05/2018 18:40

@heedmove the mutual friend is from uni - I’ve not seen her for years and we’ve only had contact through Facebook for the past 4/5 years. Her dp is close friends with work colleagues dp.
I have no idea when work colleague blocked me - it could have been a long time before the holiday, or because of it, but we’ve never been ‘Facebook friends’

I don’t even know for sure if she has even blocked me - her name is tagged in the photo but where I can click on everyone else’s name, hers is blacked out.

OP posts: