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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think DP’s mum is being cheeky

45 replies

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/05/2018 12:30

Not sure if IABU here or not. I admit I really don’t like my DP’s parents but I tolerate them for his sake. It’s fil birthday soon and mil text my dp yesterday to ask if he had got his dad anything for his birthday he told her he had a card and she’s told him that he has to buy a birthday present which has pissed me off because my dp got nothing for Christmas off them they took the money that he got off his grandma for Christmas and he got noting for his birthday either they had a birthday meal for him which was a take away that dp paid for and now he’s expected to get a present for his dad I know it’s none of my business but it’s really got my back up that they seem to think that they should get presents but my dp shouldn’t maybe it’s just pissed me off because I don’t like them.

OP posts:
Lacucuracha · 27/05/2018 12:33

They are cheeky but not much you can do about it unless dp asks what you think about it or of it would strain family finances.

mimibunz · 27/05/2018 12:34

They didn’t give their son a Christmas gift?

3333hh44 · 27/05/2018 12:35

You should ignore her but will DP be brave enough.

That just sounds such a toxic, dysfunctional relationship all round.

ScreamingValenta · 27/05/2018 12:35

It's up to him, really, if he wants to buy his dad a present. Present-giving doesn't have to be equal swapping - you should give a gift because you want to make someone happy, not in the expectation of getting one back. However, if he doesn't want to give his dad a present, he doesn't have to - his mum's word is not law.

3333hh44 · 27/05/2018 12:36

Not only that mimi , they took the money off him that the Grandma had given him.

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/05/2018 12:36

Sounds like presents are a one way street. He should tell them that none of them should bother (he already knows they don’t) and that it’s only cards for occasions from now on.

They sound really odd and I don’t blame you for not liking them much when this is how they treat him!

What does he think?

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/05/2018 12:37

Lacucuracha thank you I know there isn’t much I can do about it I said my piece on the subject last night so he knows am not at all impressed but am leaving it to him to deal with because I just can’t anymore.

Minibunz nope they didn’t get him a thing apparently they don’t believe in presents but it’s ok when they expect them.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 27/05/2018 12:37

Did he say anything about his grandmas money?

Aprilmightbemynewname · 27/05/2018 12:39

Card only. Your dp is an adult now and his dm can't tell him what to do now!!

MatildaTheCat · 27/05/2018 12:39

You can’t get involved by you're correct, she’s a cheeky mare.

Iloveacurry · 27/05/2018 12:40

They sound like life’s takers. Either ignore the text or reply ‘I didn’t think we did presents’.

Pengggwn · 27/05/2018 12:40

Leave this as an issue between them. If he wants to get a gift, great. If he doesn't, he doesn't.

sunnydaynoworking · 27/05/2018 12:42

“I thought we weren’t doing presents anymore Mum as you don’t buy me anything”

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/05/2018 12:42

333hh44 I try my best to ignore her I wish he would because she just interferes too much but he won’t. They are very toxic and dysfunctional.

ScreamingValenta I’m leaving yo to him think he feels like he has to get his dad what his mum has told him to get because if he doesn’t it will only cause arguments.

AnnLovesGilbert they don’t even get him a card. They are more than a bit odd and I just can’t deal with them at all. I don’t think he wants to get him anything but feels like he has to because he’s been told to.

OP posts:
Motoko · 27/05/2018 12:45

Have you posted about them before OP? The bit about taking the money his gran gave him sounds familiar.

It's up to him if he gets his dad a present or not. I wouldn't if I were him.

AuntieStella · 27/05/2018 12:46

Good approach by sunny

Also, for you:

"OK, I'll tell him"
"Yes, I've told him what you said to me, so he definitely knows"
"I think you'd better talk to him yourself"

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/05/2018 12:49

GreatDuckCookery no he just handed it over to them.

Aptilmightbemynewname there is more than just this that his mum thinks she can do. Trust me she’s a nightmare that I avoid like the plague.

MatildaTheCat I know I can’t that’s why I told dp it was up to him to sort but this just really got my back up. Thank you glad am not the only person who can see that she’s being cheeky.

Ilovecurry they are the worlds biggest takers. As much as I would love for him to say that to them he does as he’s told to keep the peace.

Penggwn I’m going to it just annoyed me that they expect presents but can’t get him nothing.

Sunnydaynoworking I wish he would say something like that but I know he won’t because it will only cause an argument.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/05/2018 12:51

Motoko I have yes after the last time they got my back up and now they are ramping it up.

AuntieStella thank you we’ll try that.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 27/05/2018 13:00

Why on earth did he hand his money over to them?

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/05/2018 13:03

GreatDuckCookery because they sit there and claim poverty and expect him to give them money or pay things.

OP posts:
eggcellent · 27/05/2018 13:03

If they don't believe in presents then they can't expect them

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 27/05/2018 13:05

Well he needs to stop giving them his money, would he agree with that or does he think he should do?

Jessbow · 27/05/2018 13:06

Does he owe them Money per chance? have they loaned him money that he hasn't repaid ( maybe you dont know about it?)

Is there something historically that his parents have bailed him out for, which ( in their eyes) means he is supposed to be forever grateful?

rwalker · 27/05/2018 13:07

text back i didn't this we were doing present as never got christmas and birthday present off you

AnotherShirtRuined · 27/05/2018 13:10

I don't think 'cheeky' covers it here. The demand for a present in and of itself is cheeky but combined with the other examples you give of her/their behaviour, cheeky is definitely not a strong enough word.

OP, is there any chance that you can convince your DP to take a break from his parents to give him the opportunity to gain some perspective? Going NC is probably not an option atm as he seems too eager to 'keep the peace', but a break might feel different.

Also I remember other threads about toxic parents or PIL where PPs have adviced certain books. The titles escape me right now but definitely something to do with toxic parents/PIL.

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