Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What is reasonable and fair? To buy 'in' or not to buy 'in'?

129 replies

BlueAnchor · 26/05/2018 18:41

Really impartial advice needed hence the impartial bullet points below.

So...Two adults have lived together (not married) for the last 6 years.

  • Adult 1 - owns the house, following divorce, pays small mortgage & running costs of house. Equity in the house of £230,000. Has lived in the house for 15 years. Has 2 adult DC's, who lived in the house as children, now at uni.
  • Adult 2 - pays food costs and 'treats'; tv packages, holidays, trips out, weekends away. Has 4 adult DC's.

The house is being renovated.
*Adult 1 wants to remortgage in one name, to do the refurb.
*Adult 2 wants to pay for the refurb and be legally entitled to a share of the house (proportionate to contribution)

  • The value of the house will increase once refurb is complete.

*Adult 1 is concerned about security and independence; horrible divorce (a long time ago) not sure of jointly owning the house even in small proportions
*Adult 2 wants to feel the house is shared, with joint decisions taken. Adult 2 wants this to be a family house for all DC's and GC's.

  • Adult 1 is unsure of adult 2's DC's and their attitudes to money.

Adult 1 and 2 love each other very much and are very happy!

Wow! Happy to answer any questions in return for your thoughts on resolving this.

OP posts:
llangennith · 27/05/2018 12:28

Adult1 keeps their own house.
Adult2 buys a property to let out.
I don’t see Adult1’s reluctance to remarry as a lack of commitment, more like common sense.
Adult1 continues to pay the small mortgage but all other outgoings split 50/50, including holidays and treats.

AvoidingDM · 27/05/2018 12:30

If Adult2 is going to pay rent they might be financially better to move out completely and buy their own place.

A2 is currently in a vulnerable position. They are paying all living costs but getting nothing invested.
A1 is able to invest lots into the house because A2 is paying for other stuff.

AvoidingDM · 27/05/2018 12:32

BTL isn't as easy as sounds. One bad tennant and the LL can be looking at £££ to completely redo the house up.

greendale17 · 27/05/2018 12:37

Adult 1 would be very foolish to give Adult 2 any share in the house. No way

greendale17 · 27/05/2018 12:38

A2 is currently in a vulnerable position. They are paying all living costs but getting nothing invested.

^Like they would be doing if they were renting.

trojanpony · 27/05/2018 12:44

Adult 2 should buy another house and rent it out, giving themselves some security. I can understand why Adult 1 doesn't want adult 2 to contribute and have a share.

This.
If I was Adult 2 I’d say I was sleeping walking into a vulnerable position. on 50k PA with only “treats and bills” to pay for they should have saved at least £60k over the last 6 years to add to a potential deposit - my guess is they haven’t.

If I was A1 it would be a cold day in hell before I put my home at risk there’s no way I’d let them pay for the renovations

givemesteel · 27/05/2018 12:45

Adult 1 would be mad to hand over any equity to property. If they split up they could then be in the position of having to sell their home.

If adult 2 earns a good wage, had a cash settlement from their divorce, is obviously not young (must be late 40s at least to have 4 adult children),why on earth do they not have their own property?

Sounds like adult 2 has made poor financial decisions and is now trying to piggy back on adult 1's sensible use of money.

Adult 2 should use the money they would have spent to buy their own property so they have somewhere to live if the relationship breaks down.

Sorry but if you're remarrying with adult kids and one parent isn't staying at home for babies etc I don't think finances should be mingled like that.

PaulDacreRimsGeese · 27/05/2018 12:46

Adults 1 and 2 don't have any children together and I expect are probably of an age where this isn't a possibility, and there's no suggestion that Adult 1 has particularly benefitted from any caring labour etc of Adult 2. So with that in mind, Adult 1 is being reasonable- so is Adult 2 really.

I think if the house isn't to be Adult 2's at all, that's ok, provided both adults know where they are and Adult 2 is able to make suitable provision elsewhere. That doesn't necessarily mean owning a property that's let out either- could be, or could be substantial cash savings, stocks, bonds, whatever. Adult 2 shouldn't be paying any more than the market rent for half a room in a houseshare in that area either.

I also think Adult 2 might not actually be best served by putting money into this house anyway. I see why they think it's security, because we do have that idea about property and I can see why someone who is probably not in the first flush of youth wouldn't like to be in a position where they could be asked to leave their home at any time. So equally I could see why it might be a deal breaker for Adult 2- and I don't think that's unreasonable either. But you're talking what would be a small share of the house that might be quite difficult to 'retrieve' if the relationship were to break down.

PaulDacreRimsGeese · 27/05/2018 12:48

If Adult 2 does buy another house, they're presumably going to rent it out while they're not living in it. They're not rich enough for buy to leave. With that in mind, if Adult 1 decides one day to end the relationship and put Adult 2 out, the house probably isn't going to be available for Adult 2 to live in for a little while. Nothing wrong in a rental property but not really for that reason.

SandAndSea · 27/05/2018 12:49

Adult 2 needs to secure themselves financially. I would consider buying my own place nearby.

ohfortuna · 27/05/2018 12:52

This is why I will never again entertain the idea of a domestic and financial partnership
Relationship yes
shared home and money nope!

AnnabelleLecter · 27/05/2018 12:57

If adult 2 has £50k savings and a £50k salary, then why aren't they buying a property in their own name?

AvoidingDM · 27/05/2018 12:57

If I was Adult 2 I’d say I was sleeping walking into a vulnerable position. on 50k PA with only “treats and bills” to pay for they should have saved at least £60k over the last 6 years to add to a potential deposit - my guess is they haven’t

Adult2 probably hasn't saved anything because they are paying for all the living costs for both of them including holidays and the like.

I agree stocks / shares might be a better option than a BTL for A2. Which is why I suggested they take proper financial advice.

Dancingtothebeat · 27/05/2018 12:58

I’m with adult 1. Adult 2 should buy a BTL property if they want to invest. Adult 1 is sensible to protect their children’s inheritance.

givemesteel · 27/05/2018 13:00

For those of you that say that adult 2 is contributing without a stake, it doesn't sound like adult 2 really contributes an proportionate amount, as adult 1 pays all mortgage and bills.

Sounds like adult 2 already has a pretty good deal living rent free and only paying for ad hoc stuff.

OP I assume you're adult 1,please don't give your partner equity in your home. They sound pretty financially feckless and cheeky to me so I think you'll live to regret it.

Allthewaves · 27/05/2018 13:05

Adult 2 should make investment outside the property - whether it's extra pension, stocks, rental property. Let adult 2 remortgage and do the renovations.

Adult 2 should also contribute to food, household bills.

Allthewaves · 27/05/2018 13:06

Adult 1 remortgage even

happypoobum · 27/05/2018 13:11

Totally agree fortuna

Petalflowers · 27/05/2018 13:13

I like Jaynes suggestion on page 1. Ie. The value of the house is ring fenced at current value for adult 1. Then house is remortgaged for refurb, and both peopele pay mortgage going forward, and ‘own’ 50% of any increase in value.

Lollipop30 · 27/05/2018 13:14

I’d be peed off with Adult 2 if I were Adult 1. You’re either in it together or you’re not.

SeriousSass · 27/05/2018 16:29

C’mon OP, spill the beans.... I know you are Adult 1and you know you are Adult 1 but I think you need to confirm it.

I’m curious if this thread has helped.

bonnyshide · 27/05/2018 16:40

Adult 1 needs to stand firm.

Adult 2 needs to invest their money elsewhere for their own financial security.

If paying for treats etc. Means that adult 2 doesn't have enough money to invest in another property then Adult 1 needs to step up and start sharing the cost of treats.

GreenTulips · 27/05/2018 16:51

peopele pay mortgage going forward, and ‘own’ 50% of any increase in value

That wouldn't work

House value £500000
Remortgage £100000
Paying 50% each

10% increase would see £60,000
20% increase would see £120,000

A1 would need to remorgage £60,000 to buy out A2 if and when they split which may not be until after retirement

tentative3 · 27/05/2018 17:01

Adult 2 should only be contributing half of the fun money. It's not fair that they pay for all treats.

I completely understand adult 1's position and can't criticise it but they can't have their cake and eat it, adult 2 is gaining nothing long term from the current arrangement, adult 1 is. Charge adult 1 half a room's rent, as someone else said, and split everything else (except house insurance).

Looneytune253 · 27/05/2018 17:07

Am I missing something here? If you eventually get married then it would be 50/50 anyway (I think) so you may aswell let adult 2 invest some of the money rather than getting into further debt? Especially if marriage may be on the cards anyway!?