To wonder if you would feel sorry for a child with no grandparents?

[Turquoisegreensea]

Or would you not be interested?

No. How bizarre. I dont mean to be harsh. People die. Or have different sized families with different levels of involvement. Its like asking if you feel sorry for an only child (of course not) or the child of a single parent. Its just.... life.

I’d feel much sorrier for the parents lacking support.

Yes I would...and I do...my children won't have a relationship with my parents as one is no longer alive and the other is far too selfish.

File is in another country so unlikely to have a close relationship, and mil is utterly useless and already showing clear signs of favouritism and my children are both under 2!

I think it's really sad not to have a large extended family of people you can rely on, but my husband and I will do our very best to make sure they don't feel hard done by.

I didn’t really know my GP. My DF’s parents died when I was young and so I don’t really remember them, and my DM’s parents died before I was born.

I do feel sad that I didn’t know them, especially when I was younger and saw the relationship friends’ had with their GP’s.

I had a lovely childhood and come from a big family but I felt something was missing, particularly when my older siblings and other family would reminisce about them. I would loved to have known more about them.

Yes I would. I’m sure the kids would be fine as they wouldn’t know the difference, but once you experience a great relationship with your own gp you know how much joy they bring into your life.

My DC only has one biological GP, my DF. My DM died 8 years ago. FIL died last year. We are NC with MIL. DH's stepmother is involved to an extent.

I do feel a bit sad for him, but growing up I only had a close relationship with my DGF, as both my GMs were a bit useless. It was enough for me.

The later we have children, the more common this will be. I think soon enough we'll be thinking that a child with multiple grandparents is exceptionally lucky.

Yes. I had a lovely grandmother and my children had two amazing grandmothers that they loved very much, but i realise I am biased and would love that every child had this - so would I be sad? Yes - but you dont miss what you don't have and I am sure that other relationships can compensate and would be encouraged, so it not the be all and end all.

Dancingtothebeat, not a day goes by when I don't think about how it'd be easier if my DM were still alive. It's an enormous hole in your life, and it does get bigger when you have children.

We didn't have our DC late, we just lost two GPs to aggressive cancer before they turned 60.

No, I wouldn't feel sorry...I grew up without grandparents...if the parents want the child to have a grandparent type role model there is always elderly relatives/neighbours/friends or they can "adopt a grandparent" through one of those schemes where you visit a elderly person at home or in a nursing home who has no family and the child bonds with them and they become a surrogate grandchild for the elderly person and the elderly person becomes a surrogate grandparent for the child...

If the dc had lost them, yes. My ds adores my DM, DSF and DF (not so much the PILS though) and I know he'll miss them terribly when they're no longer here. But if they've never had them? Not sure.

It would depend who else they had in their lives. If they have loving parents, siblings, wider family, and are part of a community of friends and neighbours, then no. I don't think the lack of grandparents would be a problem. I never had grandmothers, and honestly gave it no thought.

With the exception of at least one good parent, I don't think specific roles are nearly as important as the overall picture.

I’d feel much sorrier for the parents lacking support.

Excellent point.

I often feel really sad for my twins. My mum passed away before I got pregnant, have been NC with my father for 20 years and DH has no relationship with his. His mum lives a few hours away and has met them 3 times in 20 months, she’s not really interested.

They have an aunt on each side they’ve only met a few times, and I have a brother who lives 10 minutes away and has barely ever seen them, no interest at all.

Both DH and I had a lot of family in our lives growing up. My nan and uncle were a huge part of my life, we all lived together for a while. Nan looked after me while my mum worked. I was possibly closer to her than anyone else alive. It breaks my heart that they don’t have that, and my mum would have been an amazing grandmother. It’s also really hard having no family support - we haven’t had a break or a rest since they were born. I see my friends kids having great relationships with their grandparents and I feel really sad for my boys to be honest.

My dd is 2 and has 3 grandparents. My mother died two years before she was born. I am sad for me and for her. She still has a great life though so I don't feel sorry for her. I don't particularly like my in laws but they do love dd. My dad loves my dd but he is a bit thoughtless and doesn't think things like her birthday are that important. That irks me as I know if my mum were still alive she would want to see her around then.

I would, because of how close I was to my nana growing up and how close we still are now.

Yes, I would (and do, as my daughter is one of those without any grandparents, as are my nephew and niece). I am also not sure that kids don't miss what they have never had. Our neighbours' children effectively have four sets of grandparents (each original set having divorced and each partner happily remarried) and my daughter is very aware that there are whole relationships that don't exist for her. I also realise that my daughter would have found a kindred spirit in my mother. So many of their interests are similar (old dolls, cactus plants, copying old drawings and paintings) without my having ever mentioned these things that it really grieves me - for both of them - to think they will never enjoy each others' companionship.

My DCs have two living grandfathers that they hardly ever see as their wives don’t really like them having contact with their “old” families. One GF hasn’t seen us for three years (even though we’ve tried very hard and even holidayed just 20 minutes from their home). Other GF we see about three times a year when he can get away. They don’t have any grandmothers. We are NC with DHs siblings (for very good reason) and my DB moved away so they Skype with him. They are used to it but I do feel sad for them (and us as we never had any babysitters but now they are older we get to go out together again)

Not really. I didn’t have any, it would have been nice to of course, but they might have been arseholes.

Mine have a lovely nana and grandad in the ILs but we live abroad. They have my dad who would be ok, if a little taciturn. My mother is not welcome in our life.

We picked up an old family friend who has stepped into a nana role Nd is visiting us just now. It’s so nice to have a normal, loving person in the house, instead of a judgemental, manipulative cowbag. Blood doesn’t mean anything

I think I'd feel sad for them rather than sorry. This is based on having fantastic gps as a young person and my own parents being amazing and very present in my sons life.

All of my GPs died before I was born. I don't really feel I missed out as I had loads of other relatives and one auntie in particular who was older than my parents. But I guess what you never had you never miss.

I am very glad my DD knew most of her GPs. My mum died nearly two years ago and I am so glad DD grew up knowing her and was a pall bearer at her funeral. I wish my Dad had lived long enough to know my DD.

Actually I think it might be us parents who feel it most. We want our DC to have that connection to our parents

I'd be very careful before opening my mouth. Yes, it's nice when a child has grandparents, because as a PP said, the more adults who love a child, the better.

But some grandparents have passed away. I don't want to be the one opening up that wound by mentioning it.

And some grandparents do not deserve the name. It is not my place, for example, to tell my friend Jane that she should reconcile with her parents for the sake of little Billy having a relationship with them, when actually they were vile to Jane and will probably be just as vile to little Billy. And even if they're not vile to little Billy, they were vile to Jane, and that is reason enough for her not to want to be around them or have her DS around them. (Jane and little Billy are fictional and used here for illustrative purposes).

Just... I think it's safer to be glad for kids that do have grandparents, than to go poking my nose and commenting when they don't. Unless you're part of the family/understand the dynamics, it's just too dicey for my taste.

Well, it's not cause for weeping and wailing, but yes, I think it's a bit of shame for the child.

They do not have the same kind of living link with a previous generation of the family.

And at a practical level, grandparents provide all kinds of practical support for families--financial support in many cases, as well as things like childcare which can relieve parents of pressure and help them parent better. I am a better mother because my very kind MIL comes once a week and gives a hand with some housework jobs, for example.

Of course, a minority of GPs are dysfunctional or toxic, in which case I guess their absence would not be a disadvantage in the same way.

I've had none since the of 14. Before that, only one grandmother was alive and we weren't even close.
What i dont know, ive never missed