That after a year I haven't met my DP's family

[justwishiwasnormal]

So I've been with my DP for a year. Am I being unreasonable to be upset that he still hasn't told his family about me? I've met his kids once during an 'impromptu' visit but they don't know I'm his girlfriend. He hasn't met my family either but mine know about him. It's his 40th coming up and I imagine this will be the 2nd birthday (aswell as 2 Valentine's Days and one Christmas) where my cards and 'stuffed' in a draw away from sight. Before anyone says it he's definitley not in another relationship.

OP this relationship is a bit more casual and he is not so committed as you would like him to be.

He is not your partner, he is a boyfriend, someone you date.
And that's fine, not all relationships have to be full on and heading into the sunset.
But just be aware that he is just not that into you.

I am sure you enjoy each other's company and have a great time together, but I wouldn't put all your eggs into this basket.
He certainly hasn't.
He may still be casting nets.
I am not suggesting that he is cheating on you but in your position I would be backing off a little, perhaps discussing the idea of being a little more casual with the relationship, the possibility of you both dating other people too while continuing your own dates
Otherwise I fear you may get your fingers burned here.

I think you need to have a serious talk with him about why you haven't met his family and where he sees this going. If I've read your posts correctly he has met your son but you've only met his kids once, that in itself shows that you're more invested in this than he is and I would want to address that before worrying about meeting his extended family. Given the fact that you've only been back together six months after a four month breakup it could be that he's being cautious but you need to know where you stand.

Have you talked about moving in together? If you really want a normal/proper relationship I imagine that should be somewhere on the horizon and there sould be a plan for gradually introducing each other to friends and family.
He may be cautious rather than not into you, but it does sound like he needs to stop dangling you on a string. Surely you’d like to spend more weekends together?

If it makes you feel better, I’ve been with my partner 12 years and I’ve only met his parents three times (think it was about a year or two before I met them but they knew about me before that) and his brother once (and that was only last year!). He hasn’t much family and doesn’t do a lot socially with them. On the other hand I’m from a large family and my partner inadvertently met my sister on our first date! We bumped into her and her bf in the cinema, and she swears our dad never made her go and spy on us to this day. A couple of dates later we bumped into a few more family members in a completely random place and got dragged to the pub with them. He is always meeting my family and getting invited to numerous social events with me, but that’s because I have a social family.

Maybe give him time. You say you’ve been with him a year in total, but with a 4 month break. I’d just reset the clock to when you got back together with him the second time, so what is that, 6 months? Give him a few more months with the proviso they at least need to know about you from now and take it from there?

I’ve been with my partner for just over 2 years. I would happily have not introduced him to any of my family if it had been possible. However I have kids with me all the time, and local family, so meetings were inevitable. I love him and absolutely see my future with him, but I prefer to compartmentalise . Life is so much easier when the people in my life are in their separate boxes!

It is one thing to have not met them, but another to go to the lengths of hiding cards off of you and them not knowing you exist. Whatever his reasons are you have brought it up so he knows how you feel about it and could make an effort to arrange something; yes they are his family and his choice, but his resistance is odd.

Needlessly rude replies here and I don't see signs of hiding anything, just someone being very careful and cautious.
This ^. If I was in a relationship I wouldn't be rushing to involve them with my family. I keep the different parts of my life separate because that's what works for me. I don't see it's a problem. You know he's private and these are the actions of a private person.

You say you only see him 1 weekend in 4.
Why ? Where is he the other 3 weekends ?
Not meeting his family wouldn’t bother me too much , but it would be good if they knew I existed.
Not being invited to his BBQ would really upset me. Happened to me many years ago and it turned out it was the “ other “ girlfriend was there. Have you met his friends?
Oh , and hiding cards from me would be the end for me, though I could tolerate much worse things !

In terms of the other weekends, some he is working and some he has his kids. We do see each other every Sunday evening though irrespective of if we have spent the rest of the weekend together.
The hiding cards does hurt but I understood at the time as his kids didn't know about me and it wasn't right to tell them but if this continues on his next birthday I would be really upset.
For me it is more that I'm still hidden from them than not meeting them although I would expect it at some point soon.
Part of the problem is me and my insecurities so struggling to talk about these sort of things in fear of rejection. Don't get me wrong it has all been mentioned before but not on a regular basis. I think I need to bite the bullet and ask out right now that I can see I'm not being unreasonable as I need to know if we are on the same wavelength and want the same things or not.

He just isn't that into you. I met my DP mum a couple months into us dating but even he's told me he's dated plenty of girls that had never met his mum some even longer than we had at that point but there was some sort of doubt there and he just couldn't see it lasting (and no one wants to introduce their new girlfriend or boyfriend to their parents if they're still unsure!)

It's a difficult one because I know that that's how it looks but then on the other hand he has started to introduce to me his kids albeit slowlyz he wouldn't do that if he wasn't in to me. So confused!! X

Yes it's super weird. Kids I could understand him being super protective over but why have you met the rest of his family? Stuffing your cards away is even more strange!

When it turns out that a man is a bigamist or has a one family in Leeds and another in Manchester this is exactly how it happens.

You have been hidden.

He probably broke up with you near his birthday so he wouldn’t have to spend the day with you, his other girlfriend has booked a trip. He tells her he has to work one weekend a week at the Manchester office.

If you are invited to the 40th he will introduce you like this.
‘Mike, this is Abby- I went to school with mike- you know all about Abby’
You will assume they know about your relationship. He will say he’s a private person, no PDA please. He doesn’t want to talk about his relationship with people.

After you’ve gone he will say, yes Abby from the running club can be a little clingy and intense but she’s harmless and is a goodbye laugh.

*a good laugh.

Completely agree with @polka.

Your making excuses for him to make yourself feel better but deep down you know the way he's treating you isn't normal or right or else you wouldn't be writing this post.

Have you met his friends??

He's just not that into you op. This relationship is going nowhere.

So what’s changed, since you split and then got back together when he promised you more commitment?

Tell him you are arranging a birthday party for him and need his family and friends contact details!

It shouldn't be this much hard work after only a year (minus four months when you weren't together). Don't listen to his words, look closely at his actions. What is he showing you? I'd walk away and not look back.

I'd be willing to bet there's someone else on the scene.

You sound naive, and IMO are being treated like this because you are willing to accept it, so in that sense it's partly your fault. When you are ready to see that there will be no future in this relationship other that the status quo, you may be able to see that he is not for you.

I’ve been in a very similar situation. With hindsight it turned out the reason I was hidden was because he was ‘pursuing/supporting/dating’ someone who wasnt at that point ready for a relationship with him. I was the secret who was never added to social media, introduced to friends or family or children and I never knew where I stood. It now appears that he’d be full on with me when she was unsure /busy and would go cold and distant on me whenever he was making progress with her. We overlapped the whole time and she doesn’t know.

She was regularly on his social media (I never knew as he wouldn’t add me) and he blatantly showed her off and was proud of her. He never did that for me because I was second best, someone useful for sex and attention but not someone he would commit to. When she did become ready for a relationship, he dropped me without another word and refused to answer any texts. He literally went from full on to ghost. Please be careful. A man who wants you will involve you in his life and make plans if he sees you being around long term. A man who is using you will say the right things but his actions will never match up.

I'm certainly not naive and I know something isn't right but I also what isn't happening here.
In terms of what's changed, not a lot admittedly. We do see each other more, we now have the 'boyfriend/girlfriend status', he's met my son and I've been introduced to his. We do in some ways talk as though this is a long term thing where as we didn't before. I know I'm partly the problem as I don't challenge him due to my own lack of confidence and insecurities.