To ask what makes you feel at your happiest, most real "you"?

[whereiscaroline]

During my younger years I had a really strong sense of self. Worked hard, dreams of climbing the corporate ladder, was happy in my job and lived for nights out at the weekend - getting "merry" and clubbing with friends.

Now I'm older, friends are settled, corporate world is horrendous and I feel a bit lost. I don't really know what makes me happy anymore so I'm hoping that IANBU to look to MN for some inspiration please

When do you feel properly happy, like you're being the real, true version of yourself?

When DS and I are walking along chatting about 3 year old stuff. The older he gets, the more I come into my own as a mum.

When I'm researching something. I'm an academic to my core!

When I take my bolshy thug of a horse out for a hack , and he behaves beautifully on the road , but the moment we hit the grass , he just can’t contain himself any longer . He does this huge snort , kind of a skip sideways and a bunny hop , and then by that point I’m laughing at him , so I let him go , and he absolutely goes for it , hell for leather up the grass hill until we reach the top . Then we stop , and he’s all pleased with himself , has another snort and a curly tail flick , and bounces along for the rest of the ride . That’s when I remember what it was like being 14 with my first pony , my original partner in crime .

High adrenaline work meetings/negotiations and the ensuing laughter with my team.

Reading to my kids and talking to them about important stuff

Gardening

Playing music in some form or another. Classically trained musician, now a music teacher and director, met DH whilst studying music at uni, all my best friends I met whilst playing in orchestras/bands etc and it’s a whole community of people. We all speak the same (geeky!) language to each other, I know all the unspoken social rules, we laugh at the same things and when I’m performing I’m living in the moment. I’ve played in concerts the day that I’ve been to funerals, and the day I found out my dear friend had cancer I went to a rehearsal. Music keeps me sane. I have OCD, anxiety and depression. I struggle daily with dealing with superficial interactions with people and regularly catastrophise everyday situations and have intrusive thoughts. I will lie awake at night worrying about the tiniest most trivial things.

Yet I frequently perform in front of hundreds of people without breaking a sweat, and do so calmly with a smile! Which is why that even when things have been really bad with my mental health I have not given up playing and rehearsing-even though it’s tiring on top of working full time.

In my little studio area, sketching, planning and painting with a good programme on Radio 4. I get lost for hours.

Lying in the sun, by a pool
Running (with headphones in)
Drunken dancing with friends

When I make my small little plot of a garden beautiful enough to invite visitors around for a BBQ. I am rubbish at gardening, but I do what I think and what I like...it's my territory, no matter how rubbish I am at it! Even though I'm rubbish, I crave spring, when I can see the results of my efforts the year before.

I also feed the birds a lot, and yesterday 40 odd starlings graced us with their presence. The garden afterwards certainly looked like 40 odd starlings has graced us with their presence. But I was so pleased. It was an honour, even though it took a bit of scrubbing!

We are also preparing for our adoptive children, we have been approved and just waiting for a match, the anticipation, the work and empathy needed keeps me focused and happy, and also very mindful of the work that will need to be put in, in the future.

I also very much think my pets keepe firmly grounded, I wouldn't be without them, even though they can be a pain in the arse!

Being outside.
Being alone.
Being in the countryside.
Reading good literary fiction.
The history of a place.
Pottering in my garden.
Privacy.
Good conversation with good friends.
Spending time with my H.

Walking in nature

Listening to the music I love

Dancing with wild abandon with my children to silly music

Sorry tmi but we're all grown ups here - intimacy with the one I love

I feel my strongest, happiest, most grounded sense of self doing these things

Surfing
Running
Dog walks in the countryside with my dog and family (I prefer it if we don't see anyone else while walking!)
Taking photos of landscapes
Chatting with friends

At my holiday house, in the kitchen, looking out over the paddocks to the ocean while I cook with the produce from my own garden.

I'm another teacher, who has always wanted to teach (since 7), so I feel at home in my classroom, helping my students learn, develop and grow...

My second love is to study, learn and grow. I'm currently studying for another masters module, and am thoroughly enjoying it.

Then it's just the simple stuff...

Christmas Day with the family. We go to my parents every year, and there's nothing nicer than being at home with my family all around, just relaxed, having fun and enjoying themselves,

Relaxing at the spa.

Socialising with friends.

Spending quality time w dh, kids & friends.

Eating a nice meal - preferably one I haven’t cooked

Relaxing on holiday w no stresses

Getting into bed

Watching crap tv

Doing the nicest part my job, it's been my passion for years and employment for the last decade.

Sunbathing.

Hanging out with my closest friends and just nattering about life.

Being with my DCs one on one, they're adults now and I love who they have grown into.

Any time with my closest sister.

Having great sex.

Listening to my favourite music.

Creating a cake for someone.

I do actually like work.

Driving fast with the window down and 90s music pumping loud.

Exploring a new bookshop.

Sunbathing and reading a book on a beach, listening to the gentle waves.

Climbing to the top of a hill and admiring the view.

When I’ve just written a poem I’m happy with.

Waking up with my toddler snuggled into me.

I love it when I get praise for anything. I never got any growing up so it means a lot now.

I used to feel alive clubbing but I haven’t been for so many years...

I’ve just gone back to work and am enjoying my commute at the moment. I’m listening to the Hitchhikers Guide to the galaxy in my car. Alone!

No one is asking me what is going on, if we’re there yet, telling me it’s a bit daft, crying, hitting each other, pulling anyone’s seat belt, singing to some crap Disney song, being sick, pooing.

One day last week, I was finishing my chapter on the drive and there were four of them looking confused out of the front window. I didn’t want my moment to end.

I used to hate commuting.

Been in same position OP. In my twenties career was my focus and I defined myself by my job title and got a thrill from dressing smart, going to meetings, managing a team. Now that all seems incredibly shallow and boring and rubbish and I am rediscovering who I was at 14 or 15 when I loved reading, horses, being outside, feeling free, music, dancing, friends. That feels like the real me - curling up with a book after a long ride. I wonder why for years I didn't ride or read. It is a pure joy to rediscover the real me that was in hiding for years and I am a bit sad that i lost sight of all this for so long.

Interesting that nature / the outdoors features in so many people's happy authentic scenarios

I am rediscovering who I was at 14 or 15

I'm sure I read that when we are looking for hobbies or worthwhile things to do with our time as adults we should think back to our teenage passions

I don't know @zeebeedee if going back my to my teenage passions would be such a good idea 😳

Having sex with my lodger on the kitchen table. Amazing!

I think I need a lodger!

On second thoughts, the kids leave bloody crumbs everywhere and I’d no doubt have to move some washing. Next suggestion?

Teaching one of my lovely classes. Bring a teacher has loads of bad bits but there are some classes who are just brilliant. They make my heart sing.

Gardening.

Being out in the countryside. Field trips (most of the time) taking the schoolkids out to places they've never seen.

Family hugs on the sofa.

But most of all....being by the sea. I was brought up at the coast and my god, I kiss it. I feel so at home by the coast.

Aw @missmarple, what a lovely thing to say about teaching. All I hear is negative stuff about the (very real) pressures of being a teacher. It’s lovely to hear something so positive.

Walking either in the countryside where I live seeing hares, pheasants and deer or exploring cities.
Listening to music.
Cooking and baking.
Being alone - have lots of days off during the week when DH at work and DS at school.
Charity shop shopping - have lots of lovely finds.
Going to the local bookshop/coffeeshop.
Spending time with my pets.
I really enjoy my job too.