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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To mention it to the school...

30 replies

Butterflykissess · 25/05/2018 13:44

I know fathers day is still a while away but I thought I would get opinions on this now so I can be prepared. DCs father is absent (his choice) last year for fathers day dc1 came out with a card for fathers day. it was very awkward but it hadnt really crossed my mind she would come out with one as school know I am a lone parent. dc2 didnt come out with any cards for mothers of fathers day last year but he was in reception so im guessing they start from year 1, as he made a mother's day card this year. wibu to ask that they dont make fathers day cards this year? i dont really want to draw attention to it or have them left out but equally he is not part of their lives so I would rather they didnt make cards for him. (dc1 has asd and has limited receptive communication so would have went along with it without saying anything.)

OP posts:
MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 25/05/2018 13:46

Not fair on the kids who do have a dad. Especially ones who have dad as NRP and won't be helped to pick a card by the RP.

Could she make one for her grandad?

Original poster
Butterflykissess · 25/05/2018 13:48

NOT all children that would be ridiculous, I meant just my two. Sorry if that wasn't clear.

OP posts:
Namechange128 · 25/05/2018 13:48

Lovely idea to make it for a grand dad if they have one?

Original poster
Butterflykissess · 25/05/2018 13:50

They could make one for my dad but I feel that will probably draw more attention? Than just not making one.

OP posts:
Namechange128 · 25/05/2018 13:52

Not making one will definitely get more attention than just making one for granddad, I'd have thought. The teacher should be able to guide you.

Twofishfingers · 25/05/2018 13:55

The teacher could present it as making a card for dad, grandad, stepdad, significant uncle, carer, or other significant male in the extended family. Speak to the teacher, I'm sure that he/she will understand. It's unlikely that your kids are the only ones in the school that are in a single-parent family or looked after by a stepdad or a carer.

Littlemuster · 25/05/2018 13:55

You could request the teacher to ask them to make a card for "a dad in their life" - whether it be their dad, a parent's dad or even an uncle! Much more choice.

CheesecakeAddict · 25/05/2018 13:55

I get where you are coming from OP and I don't think yabu to ask the school this but surely it will draw more attention to it if they are made to go sit at the back of the classroom and do work whilst all the other kids have fun.

SparklySeashell · 25/05/2018 13:56

Not making one would definitely make it more obvious, the children are allowed to choose a 'male relative' to make a card for at our school and dads, grandads, step dads, uncles etc etc go to the Father's Day event.

I can see your point though OP, it's a tricky one. We did have one dad at the Mother's Day event which I thought was lovely.

Landed · 25/05/2018 13:58

At our school they make ones for grandma or significant person if mum is absent (sadly two have mum who died). That way the children weren't left out. Grandad a possibility? ( One child made it for an aunt)

AjasLipstick · 25/05/2018 14:03

It's insensitive. The teacher should say "Make a card for Daddy or for Mummy if you'd rather"

And leave it at that. They won't question that.

Guacamole2506 · 25/05/2018 14:12

It reminds me of when i was in primary school and they made us draw a family tree. I didnt know my dad so made the whole process very awkward. Schools need to understand that not everyone has a nuclear family.

Original poster
Butterflykissess · 25/05/2018 14:21

Daughter has 1-2-1 so they very much know about me and like I said am aware i am a lone parent. It was "to my super hero, I love you dad" I was mortified. It took my by surprise so I didn't say anything which is why I wanted to be prepared this year . I will probably j just ask if they can do a grandad one.

OP posts:
NoirBlanc · 25/05/2018 14:34

I think making one for granddad is a good idea. Maybe discuss with with your son and then let school know what he would like to do just so they are aware.

My mum died when I was four - I used to make one for my nan or just draw a picture or something whilst everyone else was getting on with theirs.

NoirBlanc · 25/05/2018 14:34

Sorry - DD/DC - not sure where I got son from!

Fundays12 · 25/05/2018 14:36

Could they make a card for you instead? You sound like you do mum and dads job (well done) so an extra card would be nice or for a man who is like a dad role?

Original poster
Butterflykissess · 25/05/2018 14:36

No worries i have a son and daughter at the school.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 25/05/2018 14:57

I'm surprised school don't do "or Grandad, uncle etc" as standard, so def speak to them. It might have been an oversight by last years teacher but it's terrible for them to not handle these two days more sensitively

CuppaSarah · 25/05/2018 15:00

Ask that they do father's Day cards for grandparents or Spiderman or whoever just not their dad. I've worked with children and to be honest we kept track of who had dads involved and who didn't and asked the mums or carers who to write one too. It's more valuable to all children in the class to see others have different family set ups, but all are valued.

Coldilox · 25/05/2018 15:03

At nursery my son makes cards for his two mums on both Mother's Day and Father's Day. Never been an issue, it's just what they've always done with him

chocolateworshipper · 25/05/2018 17:28

If they're a decent school, they'll be telling the kids to make a card for a male in their life, not specifically a Dad

immortalmarble · 25/05/2018 17:30

What if there isn’t one, though?

Plus, many bereaved adults find Mother’s Day and Father’s Day hard. Asking a child seems mean to me.

cariadlet · 25/05/2018 17:36

You can't really ask that the class don't make Father's day cards (which is what the OP seems to say), but it's fine to remind the teacher that your child doesn't have any contact with their dad and will need to make a card for a different caring adult. Most schools will talk to children about who they are making their card for as so many don't live in traditional nuclear families.

immortalmarble · 25/05/2018 17:40

No, god forbid we show compassion to bereaved children

Original poster
Butterflykissess · 25/05/2018 17:41

No I didn't say the class. Hence why I said I didn't want them feeling left out meaning my Children, I clearly wasn't referring to the whole class. Im really not that bitter! I m sure no one would suggest a whole class doesn't make cards.

OP posts:
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