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AIBU?

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Original poster

to report to HMRC?

92 replies

chocchipcookie12 · 25/05/2018 13:04

(new poster, long time lurker)

I have a friend who's lifestyle is really starting to grate on me. Not 100% sure on the details but something seems off to me.

About two/three years ago her and her partner split for a year, I know he did move out then. But he moved back in when she had her youngest who is now about 18months. Since then it would appear neither of them work, both always at play dates etc.

I didn't really care what was going on except yesterday I went on a playdate to her house for the first time and cliché but she's bought the kids loads of toys, new clothes.

I think she must be claiming she is still a single parent with both of them there! It's driving me mad they both there all day long and my partner works long hours to support us and honestly it's not fair.

Do you think this is enough info to report her?

OP posts:
BlueSapp · 25/05/2018 14:31

Id say its more likely that they have come into some money some how, inheritance, lotto, competition. because unless they were working off the books and claiming benefits as well they most likely wouldn't have a load of cash to splash around.

Flomper · 25/05/2018 14:31

How do you know one or both of them don't work at night? Or work from home? Or work at the weekend so have the days you go on playdates off, or have won the lottery, or he is a drug dealer, or she plays high stakes internet polka at night, or they've won the lottery, or they've inherited money?

You don't know any of this. How are you going to report them?

Haffiana · 25/05/2018 14:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

fleshmarketclose · 25/05/2018 14:39

Well with friends like you she certainly doesn't need enemies does she?

Rhiannon13 · 25/05/2018 14:42

Your idea of 'friend' is very different to mine!

This woman invited you into her house and you've decided to take it upon yourself to make judgements on her lifestyle? One of the most important lessons in life is to learn to live and let live, especially when your actions could adversely effect another person.

Are you sure you're not getting yourself mentally over involved in these poor people's business as a way of avoiding issues of your own you should be dealing with? Happy and well balanced people rarely want to cause unnecessary trouble for others.

ohreallyohreallyoh · 25/05/2018 14:45

erm...do you know how benefits work? Because a household of two non-working adults with children will receive the same amount as a household with one one-working adult and children. There is no difference. There is no such thing as a ‘single parent benefit’ although most assume there is. The only way they would be better off is if one of them worked cash in hand and they still claimed as a non-working couple with children but you are quite clear that isn’t the case.

So what would you report them for, exactly?

LunaTrap · 25/05/2018 14:49

Is this how society works now? I have no idea about someone's lifestyle, finances, health, whether they are claiming anything or not, but they have some stuff I don't think they deserve so I'm just going to report them anyway ( to the wrong agency!) and potentially cause them a load of grief well... just because. Arsehole.

PositivelyPERF · 25/05/2018 14:51

Just waiting for thread to be deleted when OP decides it’s too ‘identifying’. 🙄

BitchQueen90 · 25/05/2018 14:55

I tell you what, if she is claiming as a single parent and her partner is living there not working they will be skint. When I was a single mum on benefits I could barely afford to feed myself and DS let alone another adult.

Original poster
chocchipcookie12 · 25/05/2018 15:34

Wow, okay I feel a little hurt by comments but it's put it perspective that I let my jealousy get the better of me. My partner work long hours and we are struggling and I guess I just let that come out in the direction of making comments about my friend.

I did pop her a message about some toys and where she got them because they looked nice (not in a judgy way, more I want to know her money-saving tricks because I know she isn't ''rich'' we are both with the same housing association) and she says she ebays a lot. So I do feel abit silly now.

OP posts:
Rachie1973 · 25/05/2018 15:41

chocchipcookie12
Wow, okay I feel a little hurt by comments

Its hard to feel much sympathy for you to be honest, you've posted in the most vile fashion from pure jealousy.

And if YOU feel hurt, imagine how she would feel if she finds out you've been accusing her of crap on a public forum.

Rachie1973 · 25/05/2018 15:44

Fluffycloudland77
I’d report

I'd pay to watch that! I could do with a laugh.

I 'think' my friend may be committing benefit fraud because she has nicer stuff than me. Its not fair and therefore is somehow wrong.

SickofPeterRabbit · 25/05/2018 15:45

I'm disabled and unable to work. I also drive a brand new car. I've been reported several times. I also got reported for visiting the most prestigious 'Gym' in the town.

I got a call from Compliance about this. I soon explained that my car is a Motability vehicle and my daughter attends (well, did then) the Nursery attached to the prestigious Gym. I am not a Member. I hobble(d) in & out at drop off and pick ups.

Ohhhhhhh the Facebook messages I get from people about my 'brand new 4x4!' (Which isn't actually 4x4 just a vehicle which is higher up for me to get into)

Anyway, let's leave it there. OP has said she understands she likely got it wrong, so there we go....?

lolarosey · 25/05/2018 15:56

This is really sad tbh no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. She might be getting herself into a lot of debt to give her kids treats. It is possible her mum buys the gifts for the kids, my mum has done the same with her grandchildren in the past.
What do you feel you would gain from reporting her ? Surely it will cause her a lot of stress and upset and not only that but think of the kids !

lolarosey · 25/05/2018 16:01

Also you say it appears that neither of them work. So you don't actually know if they do or not ?
They might work nights, they might run a business from home ! My friend does and is still available for coffee fgs. They may have inheritance or a disability ! Remember not all disability is visible.
If you don't know these people well enough to drop into conversation "oh what do you do for a living" then you are making ridiculous assumptions.

Marriedwithchildren5 · 25/05/2018 16:15

We all have those moments. There is nothing wrong with sounding off about it. Comments about you have been incredibly personal. I had to check your OP to make sure you hadn't committed murder from all the anger on here!!!

lolarosey · 25/05/2018 16:28

I agree nothing wrong at all at sounding off about it on here. Wanting to report her "friend" as a benefit cheat without even knowing the situation is unreasonable though.

Bluelonerose · 25/05/2018 16:35

You don't know anything. Me and dh are both home all day but he is disabled and I have ptsd.
We're not frauding the system at all but some people think if we buy anything nice we can't be genuine Hmm

Boredandtired · 25/05/2018 16:35

A few years back we were on a very low income and my mother bought my children new Boden coats. I was mortified when the Headteacher of the primary school commented on their expensive coats Blush as though why are you on a low income but buying expensive coats. It's not nice when people judge and make assumptions.

Tink2007 · 25/05/2018 16:40

When we had to claim benefits many moons ago, we done this thing called budgeting. We were still able to buy our kids brand trainers (places do have sales) and good toys.

Clothing is also easily purchased. Even now you can go into Sainsbury’s when they have a 25% off clothing thingy, choose £100 worth of clothes and get them for £75.

You are making assumptions. You know nothing. Keep your nose out and perhaps keep your distance from this person as clearly you aren’t her friend if you think these things of her because she has a few new bits.

Cuppachaplz · 25/05/2018 18:22

FFS OP Hmm
People like you make me sick.
Years ago I won a store voucher for £100 in the school raffle. I used it to treat my son. I say treat, but he needed clothes and shoes. What I mean is that I bought them new rather than pre-loved.
A 'friend' reported me as she knew that I was stuck in a shitty divorce so must be claiming something. My (very minimal) tax credits were stopped while they looked into it, however the whole experience made me so stressed that I lost my job and suffered a breakdown, but was too scared to ask anyone for help. I sold nearly everything we had whilst trying to sort myself out.
All because of vicious, spiteful, busy-bodies like you OP.
If you don't know what's going on, stay out of people's lives Angry

SluttyButty · 25/05/2018 18:44

This might be a revelation for you, but Facebook have these nifty little things called selling groups. There are lots of branded ones, children only clothes ones. Hell im known for loving a bargain on the Boden, Joules and Crew groups. I've also picked up branded names for pennies on eBay because I'm not fussed about secondhand.

It's entirely possible that the clothes and even the toys were from there. And our free &recycle group frequently give really good quality toys away.

So basically, pop your beak back on your face and keep it out of others business when your 'facts' are so wishywashy.

Skiiltan · 25/05/2018 18:46

flat screen TV

I am sick of people using this phrase. What other kind of TV is there? Mass production of cathode-ray tube televisions ended 10 years ago. When did you last see a CRT television on sale?

The phrase is used by lazy journalists as some kind of shorthand for luxury but in this context it is seriously out of date. There's no excuse for real people to use phrases that don't have any meaning outside the imaginary world of tabloid "journalism". You don't "romp" or get "wed", do you?

Luisa27 · 25/05/2018 18:48

Oh please.

Get a life. How deeply unpleasant

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 25/05/2018 18:50

pharaphasing here
"She bought her child toys and clothes.
Do you think this is enough information to go on"

No I don't think you can phone the Rock and Roll (Dole) and report that someone on the basis that they have bought their child clothes.
Don't be so bloody ridiculous. Oh if you do decide to running clactailing please do not make a mockery and call yourself her friend

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