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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

that the school have treated us badly.

36 replies

cabbage78 · 25/05/2018 09:19

My dd had her last day yesterday of a school she has been in since she was 2 yrs old..( private)..she has had a few bad times with certain teachers in her 6 th form yrs as she doesnt do any extra curriculars..no sport or music..she just isnt that way inclined. One teacher told her she would never get into uni because of this ( even though she is top of all her a level classes) and that she would never be employed in the future( this was told to her the day before her as exam last yr)
Dd suffers anxiety...we have had a difficult time the last yr because of this and I try to build her up as the school knocks her down.
Last night was the leavers assembly. Every single child in the yr was to be called up to front of the stage in front of everyone..pupils and parents..to be give a speech about them and there time at the school from the form tutor. Dd was panicking but worked through it and I was so prould tgat she was going to go ahead with this and not back out with anxiety. Well they called every single child in the yr.giving them all raving reviews and applause and then just skipped dds name..nothing..everyone..I mean everyone got a plaque and a certificate. Then everyone dispersed and we were left sitting there wondering what it going on.
The deputy heads explanation to me when I confronted her was it was a mistake..she was left of the list. Iam now left with an inconsolable dd who takes things like this harder than most people.she is wondering how she can be in a school since 2 yrs old and she is not worth anything.
I could scream that she has to deal with this right before A Levels.

OP posts:

KTD27 · 25/05/2018 09:20

Oh my god that’s awful. Your poor daughter.

FullOfJellyBeans · 25/05/2018 09:21

Bloody hell, that is absolutely awful. The head should have been falling over himself to apologise to DD if it was a mistake. If it was deliberate that for some reason she wasn't going to be asked to go up then of course whatever the reason she should have been told before hand. That is unbelievable and I would be absolutely fuming.

Nuffaluff · 25/05/2018 09:22

That is appalling. Is it a private school?

Nuffaluff · 25/05/2018 09:23

I’m asking because I don’t think state schools cover this age range.

QueenArnica · 25/05/2018 09:24

Oh my goodness your poor dd, that is unforgivable

At the very least I would be demanding a face to face apology for her, I don’t really know how private schools work in terms of accountability but that really is appalling.

MatildaTheCat · 25/05/2018 09:24

The school need to write her a sincere letter of apology and list some of the many ways she has contributed to the school life and wishing her well for the future. It’s still very shit but not much more they could do.

Is there a leavers ball where something additional could be added?

Highhigh1982 · 25/05/2018 09:24

and that she would never be employed in the future( this was told to her the day before her as exam last yr)

I just don’t believe this

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 25/05/2018 09:25

Nuffaluff literally it says in the first sentence it’s private school.

Kokeshi123 · 25/05/2018 09:26

It sounds like the school has some serious issues with pastoral care in general.

AJPTaylor · 25/05/2018 09:27

I would be raging, and i am rarely mithered about anything.
So they had her certificate and plaque but forgot to give it to her?
I mean in any school they would have checked several time surely?

phlewf · 25/05/2018 09:27

Tell your daughter this exact thing happened to me. It was like I was never there.
Also tell her once she get into the real world, in a couple of weeks, her achievements are going to be way way above average and impress the socks of loads of people.
I still can’t think back to school without getting angry but it just means things can only get better from here.
Also if she ever gets a novel prize or an Oscar or a Olympic gold she can watch them scrabble to promote her as their best achievement. (That’s my fantasy)

Onwards and upwards.

PlateOfBiscuits · 25/05/2018 09:28

That’s terrible.

As an aside, what are her interests? Not sport or music but does she do anything else extra curricular? I only ask because extra curricular activities can be such self esteem boosters and if this is something she struggles with then having success outside of education would probably be a good thing for her.

ScipioAfricanus · 25/05/2018 09:31

Excellent suggestion from Matilda. This is awful and I’m sorry for your daughter.

I can believe that she was told she’d never get into uni without extra curriculars (or a version) as this is peddled by many teachers. For the most part it is nonsense. Medics often need to show they have real work experience as well as academic ability. Oxbridge prefers excellent grades and academic ability over extra curriculars.as for not getting a job, to be honest some terrible things have been said by teachers over the years so I won’t disbelieve it on principle, even though I’d hope very much your daughter misconstrued some of it, and the teacher wasn’t this incompetent.

Original poster

cabbage78 · 25/05/2018 09:33

Highhigh..I know it sounds totally unbelievable but its true. Last yr before her AS exam we were called in by the then head of sixth form. It was supposedly a meeting about dds lateness to form..(anxiety we explained) but turned into a character assassination in front of me of dd!! She actually said she will never be employed because she has no extra curricular and no uni will ever want her unless she changes that. Despite the fact dd is one of the very few children gets As in this school.

OP posts:

CremeBrulee · 25/05/2018 09:35

That's awful! Leaving someone out like that is appalling and should not have happened. Surely there were enough staff there (head, deputy, form tutor) that at least one of them should have realised and bloody done something!

As a private 6th form I'm sure it can't be an enormous year group and it should have obvious someone was left out - certificates/ awards still in hand etc.

I'd be livid, and asking at minimum for a full written explanation of how this happened and a public apology to your DD.

Re the nasty comments, do you have evidence that that was exactly what was said? It reads like a teenager conflating/exaggerating a teachers comments but if you can prove that was what was said I'd be raising a complaint with the school about that too.

FullOfJellyBeans · 25/05/2018 09:35

I do remember my form teacher always making disparaging remarks that I didn't do extra curriculars. (Although nothing as bad as what your DD describes). I felt really bad about it but looking back I was just shy and geeky (I went running on my own, and read a lot of books end enjoyed my small group of friends and did really well academically) why should I join the netball team if I wouldn't enjoy it?

Original poster

cabbage78 · 25/05/2018 09:36

Plate of biscuits. Dd is excited to start some clubs at uni...she did get a place despite what former yr head thought. She just never got on with music or sport and this school is VERY music centered. The fact that she is on track for 3 a stars means nothing to them it seems.

OP posts:

clarrylove · 25/05/2018 09:39

So why didn't she say something? She is an adult now, she needs to be working on speaking out for herself and her confidence. If she does go to uni, she will need to be the one having the dialogue. They won't be able to discuss anything with you, you realise?

Original poster

cabbage78 · 25/05/2018 09:39

Creme brulee...unfortunately I was present when those things were said. I kicked myself afterwards saying much at the time to said teacher..but I was in shock and couldnt process it till afterward..then we complained to the govenors but nothing came of it.

OP posts:

Original poster

cabbage78 · 25/05/2018 09:40

Thanks everyone. The support is really helping. X

OP posts:

BlueJava · 25/05/2018 09:43

That is awful! Tell her not to be worried by it though. Just focus on her A Levels and results. To say she has to be good at sports to get to Uni is ridiculous (absolute dumb ass here who can't catch, run, throw... got my Uni of choice and a first class BSc honours in Computer Science and Electronic Engineering).

CremeBrulee · 25/05/2018 09:45

Is the school owned privately or does it belong to a larger group such as Cognita? If so, I'd be going over the governors heads and making a noise to the leadership team at HQ about such poor treatment.

Original poster

cabbage78 · 25/05/2018 09:45

Yes clarry love my son is 27 been through uni..I would never dream of contacting uni. Dd is excited for the fresh start of uni. She is working really hard on building up her confidence..hence why she was determined to go through with standing up on stage for the speech about her..that would have been un heard of a yr ago.

OP posts:

TheFairyCaravan · 25/05/2018 09:51

Yes, they have treated your dd badly but let her have the last laugh by getting excellent A level results and going off to uni and succeeding in her degree.

When DS2 left sixth form they had a prize giving night. Every subject was given a prize for “best in...” and “pupil with most effort”. DS2 had got 100% in his Sociology AS level, so got an A, the next highest grade was a C. We thought it was a dead cert he’d get the prize but he didn’t. He went on to get an A overall, the pupil who got the “best in Sociology” got a D. We laugh about it now. And DS1 is just about to graduate with a First. So school really is a distant memory.

Good luck to your dd for her exams.

TheFairyCaravan · 25/05/2018 09:52

DS2 is about to graduate even.

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