Ethics regarding Instamums and huns

[BurberryIsSo2000]

Homeisthecalm here, I think it's suitable to start a new ethics thread.

Since clearly, the one from yesterday isn't really about ethics but Clemmie.

Thanks all,

Keep it as nice or as stingy as you like

I'll start off by saying things should be clearly marked 'ad' or 'gifted'

Although the term gifted gives me the rage

Ahh pf course.

Anyone here following The Home That Made Me?

I use to really like her but getting sick of the ads and 'I'm so much better than you' air about her. She also comes across as very pissy. She's currently seething because she won't be able to take trips to Home Sense and Dunelm whilst her DCs have chicken pox

I have never been to Home Sense. I am incredibly proud of this.

The Beige that Made Me KingJohn? No definitely not!

I unfollowed THTMM too. Too much non-home stuff recently (slimming world, hair extensions, kids parties etc) that I'm not interested in and personally I'm getting really bored of "greige" everything interior wise so wasn't finding her home inspiring anymore, as lovely as it is. I did like the makeover thing she did of her nephew's room. If she did more of that kind of thing so it wasn't the same old pics of her house all the time it would be good.

I do think it must be hard for them to stay ahead of the trends though when it's their own home and not a magazine shoot. When she first became popular I bet it was at the start of the grey/shabby chic trend so her blog was a great place for inspiration for people. Now SO many people have a house like that. I think to stay fresh and operate like a business they need to be ahead of the curve. We're renovating soon and I want to see what's going to be big in the next 5 years, interior wise. But then it's her home as well as a business, so I guess there's blurred lines there.

Umm, I think it's pretty standard to moan about bl**dy chicken pox. My three had it one after the other and I about lost my mind because I couldn't leave the house. I would've loved a trip to Dunelm to break the monotony.

Homeplaceonline are ace because they have 3 properties and a cool online shop so they keep the style moving forward.

I've been thinking about the instamums over the last few days. I'm just coming to the end of my second trimester and the reality of having a baby and what we need to buy / do is sinking in. I'm nervous about maternity leave primarily due to the fact lots of mums on insta have talked about it being a lonely time etc. So, that's on my mind. But it made me realise that despite not thinking I've been drawn in too much the constant ads and gifting, there's lots of things I've seen splashed all over Instagram that I'd quite like to buy for my baby / or do on mat leave but actually can't afford to do. I'm a reasonably well paid solicitor with savings but I start on statutory minimum on Mat leave and we are renovating our home so the money will disappear quickly. I can see those constant squares of gifts and ads being quite hard to see especially with sleep deprivation and any loneliness I'm feeling. I don't see myself as in anyway vulnerable under normal circumstances but the instamums are now so far removed from normality that I think it could end up making me feel quite shit. I've unfollowed quite a few already due to the ads so will probably just unfollow the remainders.

I've contributed to these threads previously and it was always the adverts and lack of transparency that annoyed me but I'm amongst all the pregnancy feelings at the moment and I'm seeing the whole conversation from a different perspective.

I can totally understand that kirinm. I did the majority of my online shopping when I had first mat leave. I wasn't on IG then. But can so imagine getting sucked into the ads by instamums. Is it your first mat leave? You don't have to be lonely. Meeting people IRL is so much better, try baby groups/NCT meet ups.

I actually had my first child 20 years ago- going from a young first time mum to an older second time Mum but literally remember bugger all about babies and was completely skint back then (plus the Internet didn't exist let alone Instagram).. I've joined a group similar to NCT but I get taken in by horror stories - I know the instamums are being honest and not deliberately scary or overdramatising things. I'm just getting to the stage where I'm starting to realise a baby is coming quite soon and I'm feeling a little underprepared!

Ah you'll be fine kirinm, you'll remember it all. Don't buy into the narrative. You are probably older and savvier than them? But I agree about unfollowing the instamums at this time. They are all trying to sell something to us. Look at the IG renovating projects instead - there's plenty of them!

Ps are they all being honest? Is there anyone saying they are having a lovely maternity leave, with a happy baby, nice friends, with their kids wearing primark basics babygrows? Because that is a reality for plenty of mums I know. It's not all 'FML, hand me a gin'.

@wearelocal ha! Is maternity leave happy? I've done three of those, and it's exhausting, frustrating, un-showered and gin-soaked. I call it 'the swamp'. But, hey, both sides are real for many people, not just the 'lovely time with your baby' side. And that's okay. Everyone is figuring out their own path and being honest about it.

Timetoget I totally agree, both sides should be told (without advertising ). My first mat leave was the happiest time of my life. No gin, fully showered. My second was a living hell with an ill baby. I've seen niether of those scenarios represented on the squares, but maybe I've just missed those accounts - I don't follow lots of them.

And neither scenarios would have been enhanced by watching instamums get #gifted baby clothes and 6 holidays.

@Wearelocal I think like life, social media is something where, if you dig hard enough, you get the good stuff underneath all the fluff. I started following popular accounts initially, but actually, once I met them in person, some I unfollowed because they weren't authentic and different in person than on social media, and some of them I've stayed following because I like authentic people, no matter their economic status or privilege. I also like women that try and make a dime of Instagram- it's a tricky beast, and not easy to navigate, so I get that side too, because I'm an author and I try and get more eyes on my work through my Instagram. It's not easy, and we're all figuring it out I guess.

Maybe it's unfair or snobby of me, but I don't mind people monetising their accounts for fashion, interiors or books (although, wouldn't Twitter be a better place for you, Time?) But I struggle with the accounts monetising parenthood. It just seems a bit, erm, grubby.

The commercialisation of parenthood has been an eye opener for me for sure. Not just Instagram but add a baby and you an add £££ to the cost of anything. It's pretty grim really.

Yeh that’s how I feel too
I just don’t mind any other area, insta-flogging children oth

And hats off to anyone who can just use their own home over and over - although the one talked about up there isn’t to my taste - that’s a lot of pics on the same look and thing which seems to have got a fair few followers

I think the fashion ones can feel more on message if their whole thing has always been saying where the stuff they're wearing has come from (when they actually bought it themselves). It's just a progression for them to get paid to wear brands when they become popular enough to get those kind of offers so it kind of works, as long as they still keep their core style (and don't sell out to hideous M&S dresses!).

It feels like some of the parenting bloggers just advertise any old random shit that they would never have mentioned previously and that's when I turn off.

I've bought quite a few things on the back of social media advertising though. Clothes mainly. But I'm also a convert to Method cleaning products thanks to an (unpopular on here) blogger!

Yeah there is one Instamum who I won't name cos it's irrelevant, but I swear to god if I see one more photo of her new bloody bathroom! I know that bathroom better than I know my own at this stage!

I appreciate that people only have one house so photos aren't going to change. But in that case maybe don't put up the same photo every two weeks?

It was the same on that one I can't remember name of in Northern Ireland. Truly lovely house. But it was just the same rooms at slightly different angles, every other day.

I unfollowed that one. Nobody's house is that interesting that you want to look at it every day. I don't even find my own house that interesting, let alone a strangers.

The tide is turning. People are realising that the influencers in the squares are businesspeople and that, though they may have previously had more interactive and inclusive accounts, they are now only posting to make money. And that the 'angles' (mental health, home decor, midwifery, whatever) are just USPs.

Can I just give a shout out to WearsMyMoney? She has great style, I copy all her outfits and, as far as I can tell, she buys everything herself. I think she has a big, important job at a record label, so she doesn't need instafame, she can already blag all the freebies she could ever want through her real job.

If you're into fashion and discovering new brands, she's your girl.

She loathes MN though. Wasn't she the one who called us a "bunch of twats"? Seen her on a few other IG comment threads too, slagging us off. That's in the public domain so I've no problem repeating that.