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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that cooking isn’t hard...

326 replies

CrabappleBiscuit · 24/05/2018 07:21

....as long as you are physically fit and not unwell and don’t have a disability that makes it hard, and have access to a kitchen and equipment (disclaimer)

Friends who say they or their partners ‘can’t cook’. But hold down jobs, drive cars and can put together flat pack furniture.

It’s not rocket science, read a recipe and do it. I like cooking and I’m good at it, dh isn’t a great cook but he still cooks a fairly limited repertoire but he does.

Is it just laziness?

OP posts:
MiggeldyHiggins · 24/05/2018 09:39

You did it so its not a niche activity? Logic fail.

pigmcpigface · 24/05/2018 09:40

"I think modern life means that mothers don't have as much time to flop around in the kitchen showing their kids how stuff works"

I agree but I think that a lot of mothers when our generation was growing up must have made that time with girls, but not with boys. Because there is a fairly obvious gendered split on this when it comes to the averages! (NOTE for the contrarians and nitpickers: 'on average' does not mean that everyone who cannot cook is male).

I am not talking about cooking as in high level Michelin-star stuff. I'm talking about the ability to make beans on toast, or cook pasta in a pan. Some men claim not to be able to do these things, yet work executive jobs. I call bullshit on that.

theymademejoin · 24/05/2018 09:41

@Motheroffourdragons -
Of course anyone can cook if they can read

Not necessarily true!

I should have obviously included the disclaimers regarding health, disability etc. If someone can read and has no physical or mental impairment that would prevent them from doing so, it is very unlikely that they would not be able to follow a simple recipe. Obviously, complicated recipes and techniques require practice and possibly instruction.

Seafour · 24/05/2018 09:42

My mother couldn't cook - she did cook everyday, a lot, but the results were

She baked her own bread everyday, the loaves were like house bricks they never rose above the top of the tin and came out with an impenetrable crust and the inside of the loaf was dense and chewy.

Main meals were bizarre concoctions that involved meat and veg that had been put on to cook at the same time with the exception of frozen peas, they were placed in a sieve under a running hot tap. She kept a big earthenware pot next to the cooker where the fat & juices from everything were put, the resulting grey sludge was then used in everything from pastry to gravy, it was so disgusting that even the flies avoided it. When I started school and tasted my first school dinner I thought I was in heaven, I never knew food could taste so good!!!!!

She is also the only person I know who would regularly buy a new cooker because the current one was so filthy it stopped working or would catch fire due to all the oil, fat and gunk on it. I don't know why nobody told her how awful her food was, she was in her seventies when one of my DC's said "I don't want dinner, your food is horrible" there was an awkward silence and he just looked at me and said "well it is" he was only four but it ruined Christmas Day.

Growing up we were three very skinny kids with the fattest dog and cats on the street. I became a vegetarian at twelve and happily lived on salad and cheese.

In general I agree with you OP, even my mother could have improved. I think some people avoid cooking because convenience food is just too easy and schools stopped teaching the basics, my kids did food technology but it was hardly cooking - a salad, all prepped at home, a pizza base topped with passata & cheese, pasta & pesto etc. One did GCSE and did afternoon tea as her project but was encouraged to use packet mix cakes and bought bread - hardly cooking, I was really shocked, she did loads of theory a nice folder full of recipes she never actually cooked at school and nutritional information.
When I was at secondary school we started with the basics, ten ways to cook eggs, potatoes, soup etc and moved on to cakes pastry and proper meals. It gave me a good understanding of "how to" and the confidence to cook.

I have a nine month old grandson with a mum who can't/won't cook, it's easier to order a takeaway, give her son food from a jar. Her argument is that her kitchen stays clean and she doesn't waste her time. I despair.

Dani240 · 24/05/2018 09:42

I think that yes, in principle, people would be able to learn to cook, but there are plenty of barriers, for example:

  1. Needing the correct equipment including measuring jugs, scales, correct size pans or tins.
  2. Understanding recipes - fine when you're used to it, but if you're not then all the dicing and simmering is like a foreign language.
  3. All the ingredients - when you don't have a good stock of spices for example, it is expensive to have to buy all the ones required at once.
  4. A proper oven - a lot of people live in places with just hobs or even just a microwave.

Also for people saying if you can read you can cook - you'd be surprised at how many people even struggle with that! Add in a stressful job, a few children and some sleep deprivation and it's no wonder people don't try.

I was never taught to cook, I learnt myself at uni,and it was hard. Now I enjoy it and I would consider myself to be a good cook, but it took time and effort to get there.

formerbabe · 24/05/2018 09:42

Sorry, I have no patience for functioning adults who moan they can't cook.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 24/05/2018 09:43

Yes I was similar Hillarious but my sewing skills are nowhere near as good as my Mum's, whose skills are not as good as my Grandma's were. And I imagine her mum, born around 1880, made an awful lot of her family's clothes.

It's not a great leap of imagination to see cooking skills going the same way.

nursy1 · 24/05/2018 09:45

People I know and love who say they can’t/ don’t cook seem to have eating issues. To me it often seems to go along with a fear of food.

theymademejoin · 24/05/2018 09:46

@MiggeldyHiggins
I've seen my DH (an intelligent capable man) read a recipe and try to do it. But when you don't know how to cook, its not that simple, half the instructions don't make any sense, you have no concept of how long thing will take etc.

Then he's using the wrong recipe. There are loads of books geared towards people like that. In particular, books geared towards children, or some books geared towards students, follow a very clear step by step format that tells you exactly what to do.

Failingat40 · 24/05/2018 09:46

Personally I've always struggled with cooking. I can't seem to be able to follow a recipe easily, I find it stressful and I can't relate to what it means and what exactly I should do.

I was brought up on oven meals like crispy pancakes my mother didn't 'cook' either do I never learned.

I can make basic meals but I've no inclination at all to go watching you tube videos to improve. Imo it's a lot of effort, time and expensive ingredients.

NotUmbongoUnchained · 24/05/2018 09:46

There was a thread not long a go about grown adults who just eat frozen ready meals everyday and I just can’t get my head around it.

Motheroffourdragons · 24/05/2018 09:46

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on behalf of the poster.

pigmcpigface · 24/05/2018 09:47

"There was a thread not long a go about grown adults who just eat frozen ready meals everyday and I just can’t get my head around it."

There are some people who claim they cant make a ready-meal. Seriously.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 24/05/2018 09:49

I can cook but am easily distracted so need to concentrate really hard. This means it is not fun to do. So I do cook but don’t really enjoy it.

TomRavenscroft · 24/05/2018 09:50

I'm not sure needing a cleaner is that comparable to not 'being able' to cook.

I have a cleaner because no one in my household wants to clean; we can afford it and we'd all rather pay for someone else to do it.

We all cook, though – I do sometimes wish I had someone to do it for me, but I often enjoy it and it'd be more expensive to live on ready meals/fancy ingredient kits or to have a chef than it is to 'buy in' the cleaning service.

Anyway, yes, anyone who says their male partner 'can't cook' has just bought into a carefully cultivated myth.

Thespringsthething · 24/05/2018 09:52

You do have to have a certain skill (e.g. executive function) to manage a meal, there is some ability in terms of being able to purchase the right ingredients, follow the instructions, have the right equipment, use a bit of common-sense around adding salt/spices etc.

I'm sure most people can do it to a basic level, a bit like driving a car, with some exceptions who really do just lack the very basic skills to do it.

As for being a good cook, I'm not one. I am not interested in food, and just don't have that extra knowledge about what goes together well, how to enhance basic meals, how to season etc.

MiggeldyHiggins · 24/05/2018 09:53

Anyway, yes, anyone who says their male partner 'can't cook' has just bought into a carefully cultivated myth

That can only be true if its true for a female partner as well. Which means you are saying that all people, everywhere, can cook, with no provisos.
Which I assume you know is pure nonsense.

RedPony1 · 24/05/2018 09:55

I'm absolutely useless, even following a recipe nothing seems to go right, yet i successfully hold down a management role Hmm

Also, it's not a case of can't cook really, but i absolutely have zero interest in cooking. if it takes longer than 30mins start to finish or can't be dumped in an oven until the beeper goes off then i'm not interested...! by the time i am home every eve (gone 9pm most days) i can't be arsed.

Roussette · 24/05/2018 09:55

I honestly think if you have not a lot of interest in food, ingredients, what's in season, etc, you might well not be able to cook. Because it really isn't a priority.

I can be a good cook if I put my mind to it, but years of catering for the family has stunted that somewhat. We do have people round for meals and I enjoy shopping, planning and doing that. But every day cooking does get a bit tedious, however when I make the effort I'm glad I have! I love my pies Grin

At the moment, I'm glad the weather's good because we're just barbecuing every night and that's easy.... I make my own kebabs and marinate any meat in anything and it tastes good.

Cousinit · 24/05/2018 09:55

YANBU. It's more a question of motivation but I do think a lot of people just don't enjoy cooking or care too much about what they eat.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 24/05/2018 09:56

You could compare having a cleaner to having a private chef. I would happily have both, it's a budget issue unfortunately.

Most people could clean, they just don't want to, or don't have the time. If I was spending my weekends cleaning, I would be better off at work, earning more than what I pay the cleaner, it makes 0 financial sense for me to do chores at weekend.

As I can't afford a chef, we have to cook, because ready-meals are simply not the equivalent of a home-cook meal. At a push you could eat in a decent restaurant every night, but even the best restaurant has a limited menu and there's a cost!

TomRavenscroft · 24/05/2018 09:57

Miggeldy, I'm referring to the tired old narrative of 'Oh, my DH can't cook/men are just so hopeless in the kitchen!'

Which I sort of assumed people would understand. But clearly not, so in future I'll be careful to couch all my posts in watertight, forensic-level language with appropriate caveats and provisos.

Echobelly · 24/05/2018 09:57

I guess some people just don't prioritise it. We try to cook a fair amount from scratch, which does mean a lot of washing up, so I suppose if some people don't want to deal with that, they buy more processed stuff and just shove it in oven/microwave.

DD, 9, has started cooking stuff in the last 6 months - she can do pancakes, a miso soup with noodles and veg etc, occasionally making stuff up like toppings on some baked polenta (very middle class!).

I think it's a good idea to know how to do a basic soup, basic tomato sauce and how to prep a risotto, as once you have the basis of it you can add all sorts of things to it.

MiggeldyHiggins · 24/05/2018 09:57

You may well be, but my point still stands. Yes, that is an issue, but you went far too far with it.

Roussette · 24/05/2018 09:58

But also the price of ready meals and takeaway are so restrictive, and I begrudge paying it. I can instead do a spaghetti sauce that can be frozen for lots of meals, or a beef in ale casserole, or whatever... ready meals are so small and expensive!

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