I'm 7 months pregnant with DP and I's first child. He's generally been pretty supportive throughout the whole thing, but now that I've slightly started preparing for how I'd like to give birth, I am being met with what feels like a total lack of support.
First of all and most importantly (to me), I want to do it without pain relief. No epidural, no gas and air. He'a always known this was very important to me and that when giving birth I want to be in the mindset that pain relief is not an option. I'm guessing this sounds pretty naive to most of you who've given birth naturally, but this has always been an important factor for me and I hate the thought of feeling numb.
DP keeps saying that I'll never make it through, that I've not had an easy time in this pregnancy to begin with (low iron levels resulting in me fainting quite often + all the usual stuff that comes with pregnancy) and that I can't handle the pain. Not even a tiny bit of encouragement; it's like he's already decided that I am going to fail what I am trying to prepare myself for, and was hoping for his support.
I was hoping to labour in a birthing pool if the pain got intense. He laughs at the idea, says it's not gonna help anything and says he's not gonna sit there and listen to me when I complain about the water being too hot/cold/whatever.
I was hoping to give birth in this nice, nearby maternity ward where the midwives would be there to support me through a natural birth without pain relief. He insists we go to the hospital as we'd be in the correct hands rights to begin with in case things go wrong.
I am just so frustrated. It feels like everything I mention about the way I want to deliver is being mocked and laughed at. It's not just him though, it's my own parents as well. They're all lovely in every other way and couldn't do enough for me, but they make me feel like an absolute idiot when I talk about how I want to give birth. Am I just being totally U and should wisen up a bit or am I right in expecting a bit of support?
AIBU?
To wish DP could be a bit more supportive of my birth choices?
berryboots · 23/05/2018 20:15
YAB a bit U. I think he's just tying to protect you but seems to be doing it in a rather crappy way. He does need to support your choices in making the right decisions AT THE TIME.
Don't close off your mind to pain relief. Pain is a bitch and can stop you listening to your midwives. Gas and air will NOT make you numb. I was begging for the stuff and to my disappointment I could still feel eye watering pain 
.
And finally, I have given birth twice. Once with every pain relief method under the sun and an EMCS, the other with nothing. It makes no difference to the outcome or how everyone will congratulate you. Please don't be the one who posts on social media "DC born at x time with no pain relief." No one gives a shit.
Don't rule out pain relief completely.I wanted a Waterbirth but ended up having an epidural.Neither of you can know what type of birth you'll end up with so just both try to keep an open mind 
Yanbu to want what you want but yabu to insist that's how it's going to go down.
It may well happen the way you want it, but keep an open mind to anything and everything else.
If it's what keeps you call and happy then continue to plan for it and when everything kicks off go with the flow.
I planned a homebirth with gas and air and a birthpool. I ended up in hospital. But I did remain in control and had the gas and air. I loved that stuff and ended up going through four canisters of the stuff 
.
If I'd known all along what was to happen if have had a nervous breakdown, but as it was I dealt with what was happening when it did.
It's your birth and your body and plan for what feels right. But please don't set yourself crazy targets as the end goal is to get a healthy baby and don't pressure yourself into going through more pain than you have to. There's no shame in pain relief. It's there to make your labouring easier. Don't be afraid to change your mind as until you're in labour you can't truly realise what you can stand/want until it's started.
Nothing wrong with choosing no pain relief in advance, but be clear to yourself that you'll take it if you change your mind and won't persevere in pain to avoid ur partners told u sos.
I think u need to discuss things more tbh.
I gave birth with partner not there due to circs. - quick birth. That was fine. I also had no pain relief due to circs - quick birth.. Too late for epidural I wanted! That was fine but was a lot of pain. So don't feel bad about yourself if u choose relief. I think our ancestors would frankly laugh at rejecting pain relief
personally, and it is only personal opinion ,, so ignore, but I'm with ur partner on hospital..
LemonScentedStickyBat
A lot of people here assuming the OP doesn’t want pain relief out of some sort of principle. That isn’t what she said. She said she doesn’t want to feel numb. She didn’t say she wouldn’t accept medical intervention, so the stories of babies and women that died in the past are irrelevant. She’s not brainwashed!
Yes to the above!
OP, you seem like a sensible woman, ready to change plans if needed. Don’t listen to the negativity. Stories about dead babies and women are simply mean, as well as people mentioning medals, or that “nothing matters except a healthy baby”.
The fact is that birth professionals are trained to react in unexpected emergencies - whether natural, medicated or homebirth, you won’t be alone in making your decisions.
Keep being positive. I wish you the birth experience you want for yourself. Natural birth is possible and well worth it
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Best made plans etc etc, but whether or not you get your planned birth the way you want it really isn’t the point. He should be supportive of your choices. If you were very high risk and insisting on having a home birth when you lived hours away from the nearest hospital then I’d say he might have a point, but a MLU when you’re a low risk patient is surely what most people would choose. I think it was the default when I had dc1 actually; if you’re low risk you go to the MLU unless you’ve specifically asked to go to the ward for pain relief options etc. Fwiw, when we looked round our MLU they told me that they’d only ever had two patients transfer to the ward for pain relief since they opened. They had patients transferred for loads of other reasons but only two purely for pain relief.
I really hate the “you’ll never make it” type comments. A man said that to the other dads at our nct class and he got a lot of 
looks from them. Because it just isn’t ok to talk about the mother of your child’s birth choices that way. In the end, his gf had her baby with zero pain relief about 20 minutes after arriving at hospital, so he was laughing the other side of his stupid face.
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