Who is being unfair DM and DH think I'm being 'precious'

[Bippitybopityboo]

Due dc2 any time now. We also have a 22 month old. DM is staying with us for a few nights which myself and DH and very greatful for. DH and DM get on really well and usually agree on most things.

I have said I'd like to bring new baby home and settle in say 1 or 2 days no visitors so that DS can get used to having a baby around. DM and DH find it really irritating when people have new babies and set rules etc and I usually wouldn't dream of it but I feel unbelievably guilty on DS to be having another baby I want to make it as easy on him as possible.

My family will be very difficult to tell that we want some alone time we always drop in and me and dsis don't usually go more than 2 days without visiting each other. I will be called precious and it'll irritate them if they can't come straight away to meet the baby. They're already planning how well it's fallen inline with the school holidays.

Aibu or am I being unreasonable? Will it have a negative affect on DS he does lobe visitors I don't know what to do for the best?

Stopping visitors won't help your DS, it will just reinforce the fact that the baby has changed things.

A few days won't suddenly change him into a loving sibling, most take a good while to settle after a sibling where they are no longer the sole attention.

You really don’t need to worry about your toddler. They are getting the greatest gift on earth. All mine have adored new babies coming in. First was 19mths, second 15mths and third 24 mths. They were totally awed by the baby, then ignored it for ages. What do you think being alone for 2 days will do to help your DS’s reaction? Honestly people coming and going is probably more fun for them.

Id advise playing it by ear. You don't know how you'll feel, you don't know how your ds will react. Ds2 got one brief, disinterested look from ds1 when they were first introduced- then he wandered off to play trains. No big, significant moment at all. Visitors were useful in the first few weeks because he found ds2 totally boring and was quite resentful of me not being available to play. So visitors came, had a cup of tea, quick cuddle w ds2 and played / fussed w ds1.

, i'd NEVER try and visit a family member or friend in the first few days/week of them getting home. I drop a text congratulating and say i will visit when they are more settled
Better still, wait to be asked! I have never told anyone I' m going to visit, in any situation - just seems a bit rude to invite myself. But I have always been invited, to see new babies :-).
Come to think of it, a lot of people do invite themselves to see me though - the classics was MIL, who on finding out we were on our way back 200 miles from holiday on the next day, demanded to know what time we'd be home, as she 'was coming round'. DS answered phone and couldn't say no really, so we ended up rushing back to find her sat waiting, a bit annoyed in her car outside .

I agree with Barbarian - play it by ear

And try to remember that you are playing the long game here. My DS1 (2 and a half) reacted very badly to the birth of his sibling - threw him completely, became aggressive to me and the baby - awful - worst case scenario). BUT their relationship grew and grew and they get on a hell of a lot better as teens than in most other families I know.

Most people I know didn't experience this

Get your head straight (hard at this point, I know), support your DS, and all will be fine

This doesn't alter what I think about other people over-riding your feelings and calling you precious though

That said, if I was your sister, I'd be going off my head not being able to see the baby!

Really, you couldn't wait 1 or 2 days?

Op yanbu and I'm not sure why anyone would say you are, you're only asking for a day or two. Could your toddler visit you in the hospital to see the baby rather than meeting his sibling for the first time amongst a crowd of people?

Obviously your ds should meet the baby before anyone else. But if he loves visitors and the visitors are the sort who will bring him a present and pay attention to him not the baby then they will be positive godsends. When I visit I always ask the older sibling if they will show me their new baby. Although my nephew did respond "It's over there. Doesn't do much"

Baby number 3 here...i won't be doing visitors until I'M ready. Planning a homebirth & i usually labour easily, but i don't care. Will hopefully have DM & DP here, nobody else is getting near until I say so. I don't get why people make out you're precious because you want a bit of recoup time, nobody would bat an eyelid if you asked for time after major surgery!