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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want babysitter's boyfriend over in our absence.

33 replies

waddlemyway · 22/05/2018 23:07

We have a babysitter booked for Friday night. She's the girl from three doors down and over the course of the past year has sat somewhere between 5-10 times.
She's just texted me to ask if he boyfriend can come over after she puts our DDs (1&3) to bed. My gut instinct says no but I can't put my finger on why. I guess older DD might hear his voice and/or be confused if she came down. DH isn't keen on having a stranger in our house in our absence but wants to sleep on it. It's not like we don't trust her, but it seems her two older sisters are quite goody two shoes and she's the one we spot smoking five steps around the corner from the house thinking her parents won't catch her.
WWYD? Is it unreasonable to say no? Do I need to tell her why?

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 22/05/2018 23:10

I would say no as I would assume she wanted to shag her bf in my house! Even if they were just watching TV I don’t pay sitters to have a social night in!

No need to give a reason.

When I babysat as a teen asking to have a friend or bf over was considered very bad form.

Pringlecat · 22/05/2018 23:29

I wouldn't give a reason, just say you've thought about it and the answer is no.

You're effectively paying her to be on standby - to read a book, watch TV on low, etc - but to be ready to leap into action if there is a problem. So if one of your DC cries out, or the house suddenly catches on fire. All the stuff that probably won't happen, but that is technically a risk.

If she's snogging her boyfriend, chances are she won't be listening out for the worst, so what reassurance does that give you in your own absence? Asking to have her boyfriend over is a bit like asking you for money for not doing anything. She's the babysitter. She needs to babysit.

AmazingPostVoices · 23/05/2018 02:14

I would say no.

You don’t know him.

She’s not on a date, she’s there to care for your children.

Monty27 · 23/05/2018 02:31

No. She's at work sort of, as in being paid to look after your DC's. It's not a social event.

FeckinCrunchiesInTheCar · 23/05/2018 02:49

Nope.
No way whatsoever.

ladycarlotta · 23/05/2018 03:22

Eww, no. Not that I think they'll be shagging, but it's not a hanging-out opportunity. Back in my babysitting days (the early 2000s), I felt very strongly that this was 'unprofessional' behaviour, but then I was quite an uptight teen.

At least she asked.

moita · 23/05/2018 03:54

YANBU.

emmyrose2000 · 23/05/2018 04:21

Nope.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 23/05/2018 04:36

I think it's fine. I wouldn't have a problem.

thebewilderness · 23/05/2018 05:06

Never bring your boyfriend to the job site.
That is a rule.

agnurse · 23/05/2018 05:08

Absolutely not! When I was growing up and baby-sitting it was part of the standard practice that you NEVER brought your boyfriend or any other friend over. EVER. They could distract you from the children. I'm shocked she even ASKED. To me that was a no-brainer.

memaymamo · 23/05/2018 05:11

"Thank you for asking, but our family policy is no extra visitors while babysitting. Hope all's going well!"

Don't even overthink it, you're well within your rights.

Pengggwn · 23/05/2018 05:37

I don't think it would prevent her 'leaping into action' Hmm But you're perfectly within your rights not to want a stranger in your home. She sounds quite young - how old?

Luisa27 · 23/05/2018 07:09

Definitely not.... agree with pp...I’d say no.
My sister recently had a horrible situation when her DD 6, got up (after repeatedly calling out) to ask for a drink and walked in on the babysitter and her bf having sex on the sitting room floor - totally naked.
DD started to cry before they realised she was there.

SmashedMug · 23/05/2018 07:11

Well, even if you say no, you do realise she will just invite him anyway?

I'd cancel.

Luisa27 · 23/05/2018 07:16

It’s made things a bit awkward because the babysitter is ndn daughter who they’ve known for years and regularly sits for them - she’s 18. My niece told her parents the next morning and became upset again - saying bf was hurting her and they were ‘struggling together with no clothes on’Shock
Obviously my sister asked babysitter what had happened, and the whole story unfolded

Loopytiles · 23/05/2018 07:16

That’s not a given, smashedmug, and if she did that it’d be a sacking offence!

Luisa27 · 23/05/2018 07:18

You’re probably right smashed - my sister and her DH didn’t even know the boyfriend had been round....she hadn’t asked their permission

greenlynx · 23/05/2018 07:20

I think Smashed is right.

Lostoldusername · 23/05/2018 07:22

I'd just say

Sorry but "child's name" is a bit wary of strangers at the moment and I wouldn't want her to get upset if she suddenly came downstairs.
See you "day of babysitting"

BlueJava · 23/05/2018 07:28

I'd say no to the boyfriend and in future I wouldn't ask her if she smokes.

sarcasmisnotthelowestformofwit · 23/05/2018 07:31

It's a no from me too. We don't allow our au pair to have her boyfriend over. No idea who he is. He's not dbs checked etc. They're going to want to shag. It's what young couples do. All the time if I remember correctly.

Luisa27 · 23/05/2018 07:34

Ahahaha - yes sarcasm you do remember correctly 😂

Fflamingo · 23/05/2018 07:41

You don't want a stranger in your house whilst you are out, let alone whilst DCs are there. You don't know them, and even a brief introduction doesn't mean you know of the person, just say no, or no you don't have strangers in your house, then she can't sneak him in and pretend he'd called in to drop something off to her, or similar excuse.

Icepinkeskimo · 23/05/2018 07:42

Ohh to be a teenager and in lust love, just because she has a sneaky smoke does It make her a sexual Lolita? who will be frolicking with the boyfriend on the sofa.

The holier than thou comments are quite judgemental, at least the girl had the good grace and manners to ask. All of you that have pre-judged the scenario that the babysitter will be up to no good, firstly don't judge others by your own standards and secondly of course none of you ever babysat without a boyfriend?! Really?

I would keep an open mind OP and speak to her about TRUST and the responsibility that you are giving her if you were to permit the boyfriend accompanying her to babysit, whilst watching Netflix and demolishing a few tubes of Pringles.