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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To LTB?

79 replies

Meme12 · 22/05/2018 19:51

Been with my DP for 5 years. I have 2 teenagers, with ASD (not his)

We now live together. He spends all his time gaming. Works for a week (self employed) then has weeks off. Makes excuses not to work, so he can play consoles ie job too far, no parking, not paying him enough, work conditions etc, etc.

He games, sometimes even waking me up at weekends at 5.30am or into the evenings talking on a headset. He literally comes downstairs to eat, even then sits on his phone, checking gaming forums. No conversation.

He says he is ‘bored’, which is why he does what he does. I am ‘boring’ and always watching crap on TV (because I’m always alone downstairs!) I talk he doesn’t even hear me, he is checking forums!! Ask him what does he think of dinner (convo starter) and my conversation is boring!

Today (after not going to work) I came home from shopping. Shouted upstairs Id cooked a breakfast. He came down an hour later (I refuse to take food upstairs now) and went into one about how he thought I had asked him did he want breakfast, not that it was ready (now cold). It’s my fault, I should ask, not just make something!

He refuses to apologise or take any responsibility. I’ve told him to F off and go live in a hotel, which is how he treats our home and me.

I don’t want to break up my family. But I’m sick of it. AIBU to LTB?

OP posts:
FoxySamanthaPetersonTheCat · 23/05/2018 06:59

The time limit should be “fuck off now” as you sling him and his shit out the door. Sod “splitting your family up” there is no family life to lose because he’s never with his family- they’re too boring apparently.

Original poster
Meme12 · 23/05/2018 07:05

Sorry I had to get some sleep, up early and hectic mornings, with the kids. I didn’t want a big argument/scene in front of the kids last night.

Redeeming qualities, he used to have some. It wasn’t always like this.

What do I get from this relationship now, zero. I am literally paying him to treat me like shit.

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · 23/05/2018 07:10

Wow, what an arsehole he is! I'm glad you've decided not to tolerate it anymore Thanks

LiteraryDevil · 23/05/2018 07:49

Do you really need to ask?? What a waster.

BrutusMcDogface · 23/05/2018 07:59

Meme - I also think his time limit should be "now", but if you're willing to give him a final chance then I hope he steps up (though I must admit I doubt he will, or it'll be very short lived...) At least you know you deserve better than this cocklodging shit head. Flowers

TitZillas · 23/05/2018 08:26

He sounds like a total loser - the sooner you can get him out, the better for all of you!

Original poster
Meme12 · 23/05/2018 08:27

It cannot continue. I’m not a throw away relationship type of person, they take work. I have the kids to consider too and their relationship with him. I cannot just get rid and replace with another. It would mean being a single parent for good.

I’m not sure I want to give him another chance. I agree any change will be short lived. Any apology or responsibility he does take now, is because he knows I am going to ask him to leave. It will be more him telling me whatever he thinks I want to hear, rather than a kick up the butt needed to prompt some action and learning from mistakes.

OP posts:
LiteraryDevil · 23/05/2018 08:29

Being single is much better than being with someone like that and being single now doesn't mean single forever. I'm single because I refuse to settle for a white relationship. I have 3 children and am 41.

Sametimetomorrow · 23/05/2018 08:31

Being a single parent is way easier than what you are doing. You are subbing him anyway.

Even if he got rid of the console he would still think you are ‘boring.’

Original poster
Meme12 · 23/05/2018 08:54

We are ‘boring’, that’s the thing! We cannot afford to do anything, not even a meal out, because he picks and chooses when to work!, so he can game all day. Then the cheek to tell me how ‘boring’ his life is/I am in comparison to gaming.

He will get rid of the console ‘if I think, it’s a problem’. My fault again eh Angry

OP posts:
LiteraryDevil · 23/05/2018 09:07

Sounds like you're not actually going to do anything about this and continue to let him fuck you and your kids over.

Original poster
Meme12 · 23/05/2018 09:12

I’m just venting and thinking out loud. I HAVE to do something about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Meme12 · 23/05/2018 10:03

He has taken our savings ‘how else am I suppose to move out’. It’s not much, but not the point.

Not even knowing if I have any money. Says it all.

OP posts:
GrumpyOldBlonde · 23/05/2018 11:04

It cannot continue. I’m not a throw away relationship type of person, they take work. I have the kids to consider too and their relationship with him. I cannot just get rid and replace with another. It would mean being a single parent for good.

I disagree with much of this, relationships should enhance your life, not be hard work. You don't need to replace him, you are already a single parent. Bad relationships are the loneliest place to be and he sounds a dreadful model for your kids.

I can't see one redeeming feature in the man you describe.

Cloudyapples · 23/05/2018 11:59

He took your savings?! He is showing you his true colours now op - you are well rid.

DobbyisFREE · 23/05/2018 12:01

So you have asked him to leave and his issue is money and time?

My DP is an arse often and I agree relationships take work but if I have a real problem or he thinks I'm going to call it quits his first reaction is to get upset because he loves me and doesn't want to be without me. Then we work it out together.

No matter how crap someone is and how bad the relationship is, if they love you then they should be sad to be without you. He sounds like he doesn't want to be with you but breaking up would be just too inconvenient for him.

You are worth so much more than this. Stay strong Flowers

4men1lady · 23/05/2018 12:05

If nothing changes now, then you are in for many more years of this. How much longer can you live like this?

AnyFucker · 23/05/2018 12:23

Yes, relationships take work....you work your arse off and he takes, takes, takes

Original poster
Meme12 · 23/05/2018 13:02

Exactly Dobby, making sure he is ok. I don’t know what else to say. I don’t think there is anything.

OP posts:
whatwouldkeithRichardsdo2 · 23/05/2018 13:12

This is grim reading. Your relationship has totally broken down. I am sorry.

Tell him he has to leave now. How much are the savings? You've paid for him up until now, whatever it takes to just get him out of your life. He's a terrible, terrible example to your children - a layabout. Forget any thought the children are fond of him. He's a bad influence on them and makes you miserable. Your life will transform with him gone.

Fluffyears · 23/05/2018 13:16

He’ll only change for a short while then be back to normal. Leopards and spots springs to mind. You are paying for him to be an arse to you, being single is better than that. Say goodbye.

FizzyGreenWater · 23/05/2018 13:25

How much are the savings?

I would absolutely be putting the console on gumtree, myself, today. And anything else suitable.

Original poster
Meme12 · 23/05/2018 13:52

Savings were about £700 going towards a family break.

I really couldn’t care less, it’s only money. I can start again. Financially I will be better off. He can leave today. Has money for a hotel now.

OP posts:
Guiltypleasures001 · 23/05/2018 14:04

Ide keep his console and flog it cheeky fucker

LoveInTokyo · 23/05/2018 14:19

Absolutely hang on to his valuables to the approximate value of £700.

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