To be upset over no inheritance

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I know talking about inheritance is a really uncomfortable subject, which is why I'm asking for opinions on here rather than voicing it to my family. I don't plan on making a big fuss but I'd like a bit of perspective.

I have three sisters and I'm the oldest. Since childhood I've had a bad relationship with my father, though this has improved in the last few years after I moved out. As a child/teen he would go out of his way to embarrass me and give me a hard time. As a teen I suffered from terrible anxiety (still do) and depression, and he didn't help with some of the things he did to humiliate me. I had a really bad stage where I stopped going to school because of the anxiety.

My dad also has mental health problems, and he would say I was the cause (the stress with my anxiety). After his parents died he spoke with his aunt every day on the phone, slagging me off and twisting things so she would feel sorry for him for having such a 'difficult' daughter. I couldn't do anything right. Even years later, I went to university, for a job and tried to make something of myself, I'm still painted as the devil.

My dad's aunt (my great aunt) has no children or family, so became closer to my dad after her husband died. She also started showing an interest in my sisters, and invited them all to stay with her separately (she lives up north and we are in the south). She has never invited me. I asked why and my sister said it's because she thinks I would cause problems after what my dad has told her. She last saw me when I was 14 or so.

My dad and his aunt have many conversations about her will, which I have overheard while he's been on the phone with her when I'm there. I've been told by my sister (who is the second executor on my great aunt's will) that she is leaving most of her estate to my dad, and £20K each to my sisters. She's leaving me nothing, and my sister said it's 'because of my behaviour and stressing dad'.

I know people can do what they like with their money, and tbh it's not even the money I'm upset about. It's the fact I'm singled out. I don't even think I'm a bad person - yes, it must have been hard for my parents to have a child with the anxiety problems I had/have, but they have problems too. It's the fact my dad has spent years bad mouthing me and twisting things, and I just don't know why he would do that to his daughter. Sorry this was a bit long, obviously it's her choice re. Her money but I feel like an outcast in the family.

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sounds like you were the appointed scapegoat in your toxic family.

the great news is, while not easy to start with, you can go on and have a great life without these fuckwits.

onwards and upwards without them (easier said than done but entirely possible)

What a horrible family you have!!! Having anxiety as a teen or child is nothing to be ashamed about. The treatment that your father gave you probably contributed! I do understand that you are upset (and I do understand that it’s not the money). Honestly, Perhaps going low (or no)contact with family and getting on with your own life would be best

Sounds like this is the family narrative if your sister is telling you that it's 'because of my behaviour and stressing dad'. In which case you might be better going low contact/no contact with the lot of them. I hope great aunt has a change of heart and leaves it all to a cats home.

Yanbu to be upset, but there's nothing you can do here, other than take yourself out of the line of fire and aim for happiness with "chosen family".

Your dad and aunt are horrid and spiteful.
You are not a bad person.
I hope your sisters share with you.

YANBU, it's not really about the money is it :(. Even if your sisters shared then you'd still feel excluded. I feel for you.

Are you sisters quite happy to take their £20K and see you get nothing? What's your relationship like with your sisters?

If I were u, I would call her up and say , “ dear aunt, thank u so much for ur generousity I heard u wrote my sisters 20k each and they really needed it, they can’t wait!!”.

Joking. Mayb say it in ur head.

It’s horrible to b left out... but OP this sounds like a bit of blackmail and ur father in engaged in it if he doesn’t try give u some money to make it fair..

But... whatever it is... u sound like more of a delight to be around than them and I’m sure better relationships will come ur way than that aunt.

So do your sisters agree with your dad and think this is ok?

Anyway she ain't dead yet. Probably burn through everything paying for a care home.

Do her in before she makes the will

Joking

This sounds just like my family. It's a really hard thing to deal with, harder than other forms of abuse if you ask me. I now have nothing to do with any of them. My family are wealthy and I won't be getting any inheritance, but that doesn't bother me at all. I'm just happy I'm not part of that family anymore.

Your dad is a complete arsehole. Gather your sisters together, tell them how it makes you feel. See if they can come up with a solution. If they don't offer to share, then you know where they stand with them.

Can;t you talk to your aunt? Call her to 'catch up' and have a chat? Put your side?

What will happen when your father dies? Does he have a will?

So none of your sisters have ever put her right about you?

Doubt that they'll be sharing!

How sad that she never gave you a chane but just believed your dad.

Maybe she will have to pay togo in a carehome and none of them get anything.
Best revenge is a happy life. Leave them to it

It's very odd that your sisters just repeat the mantra "because of stressing dad" to you as though they agree. What have they said about it?

It sounds to me like your sisters need to take a good hard look at themselves and go and explain to your aunt that she hasn't exactly got a fair impression of you from your father.

She already gives money to my sisters for things so they don't want to say anything to rock the boat. They all have the attitude that my aunt can do what she wants with her money and they don't want to /can't be bothered to get involved in conflict.

I'm reluctant to reach out to my great aunt as my dad would say I was doing it to get money and I'd look even worse.

YANBU. Ooh, that's a very hurtful thing for your aunt to do, OP. How very upsetting for you. As you say, it's not about the money per se, but being treated like an outcast. That is so unkind.

It would absolutely look like you were after money. Your sisters are mercenary, your dad isn't very nice - you'd be better off taking a huge step back.

Yanbu to be upset, and your sisters are complicit. I think you must have guessed you will also be cut out of your fathers will, and it will get even uglier if you contest.

Best thing to do for your own sanity is walk away from all of them.

Do your sisters also think that you stressed your dad out/brought on his MH?

OP - you can choose your friends, but not your family, and for your sake, I hope you've got good friends as your family doesn't sound worth a minute more of your time. You poor thing, they each sound as bad as the other. I don't think it's about the inheritance, as such, either, but about the attitude behind it that is leaving you out of it. It's a really difficult situation for you, although I would say you have nothing to lose if you were to write to your great aunt expressing your hurt at your father's behaviour towards you and asking for her to give you a chance on your own merits. What does it matter if they say it is because of the inheritance - surely, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't, so you might as well make an effort to put your side of things to your great aunt, as you have nothing more to lose now, it seems.

My mother once sat and told me I'd been written out of their will for years.

I later brought this up to my dad, after years of NC and asked him why she would do/say this and his response was that they didn't even have a will!

Says it all really. Wills are used as an article to upset or attack/control people. Don't let them. All the money isn't worth your self respect.

@crispysausagerolls no my dad had issues long before I came along so they know I didn't cause it

An elderly aunt of mine spent years telling me and my siblings how she was leaving us various large sums of money in her will. Sadly she spent her final 2 years in a nursing home and there wasn't a penny left. I think she said it to try and buy our affection and attention.