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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To enjoy spending a lot of time on my own?

37 replies

Frosty66612 · 20/05/2018 16:25

No DC. I absolutely love getting peace to do my own thing as often as possible. Reading a book in the garden for most of the day, going to watch a film at the cinema by myself, going for a walk and listening to a podcast etc. I told my sister this and she looked at me like I was mad and said surely I must get very bored and lonely.
I honestly don’t though and I relish the time to myself. I’m not a complete hermit though and do spend time with my OH (we don’t currently live together) and i’ll See a friend and family member once a wee too. I wouldn’t say I’m shy but I’d describe myself as a confident introvert.
I’ve got a work party next fri night and I’m secretly dreading having to be so sociable for it.

OP posts:
EnormousDormouse · 20/05/2018 16:29

I like my own space so much I'm currently working on a different continent from DP Grin.
I don't know whether I'm becoming more introverted as I get older but I bloody love doing exactly what I want, when I want. I pretty much did that in the UK, but here I don't have to talk to anyone if I don't want to. I do have a very good social life and lots of friends, but I like to be able to retreat and recharge on my own terms.

fabulousfrumpyfeet · 20/05/2018 16:32

I LOVE spending time alone - it's when I'm most relaxed, I have been on holiday alone in the past and think nothing of taking me, myself and I for a nice day out! I feel this is becoming more and more unusual - a lot of people seem to like to have a companion whatever they are doing.

Notamorningperson84 · 20/05/2018 16:32

I'm exactly the same. I'm going on holiday by myself in a few weeks and I can't wait! I haven't told many people I'll be on my own though, i can't be arsed with the questions and sympathetic looks. Some people just can't get their head around choosing to spend time alone.

onlyconnect · 20/05/2018 16:38

I love spending time alone and can happily live alone. I'm quite sociable too as long as I have big gaps in between. I live with DP and DC now but have lived alone before and loved it.

GeordieGirl233 · 20/05/2018 16:38

I went abroad for a few days in 2016 and loved it, I did Cornwall alone last year and I'm flying to Majorca again in September. I've actually refused to allow anyone to come with me.

Ironically I took two friends away with me in 2014. Absolutely fucking hated it.

You enjoy my fellow introvert. Alone doesn't always mean lonely Smile

Original poster
Frosty66612 · 20/05/2018 17:06

Going on holiday on my own sounds great. Think I’m definitely going to book somewhere for next year and just go.

OP posts:
EmpressOfSpartacus · 20/05/2018 17:08

YANBU, I love time with friends & family but I also love time alone. I couldn't face living with anyone else.

Cauliflowersqueeze · 20/05/2018 17:09

I’d recommend booking flight and room separately and booking room under 2 names so you get nice double.
Otherwise you end up in a shitty single room overlooking the bins in many hotels.

Babybearsporij · 20/05/2018 17:10

I love being on my own too. I love just pleasing myself. Unfortunately I don't get a lot of alone time at the moment!

mummabearfoyrbabybears · 20/05/2018 17:10

I love it! I have 4dc and am a SAHM. The children are all school age so most days they go to school I come home, walk the dog then spend all day doing the housework whilst listening to my audible book then start sewing to sell items in my Etsy shop. I've always been happy in my own company. I had an older brother who was much older so spend many childhood days occupying myself.

DroningOn · 20/05/2018 17:13

I really struggle with the company of other people except my DH. I just find other people and engaging with them to be utterly exhausting and without much in the way of reward. I really enjoy my own company and don't find that I require the company of friends (not even really sure if I have proper friends and I'm not bothered about that)

SheilaHammond · 20/05/2018 17:18

If I don’t get enough time alone I really struggle with depression and anxiety. I absolutely need time alone. Ideally one day a week, which I used to be able to achieve with my old job. I have 3 DC and a DH and once they were off to school/work I had from 9-3 on one day a week to myself.

In my current job I can’t get a day alone and it’s making me quite resentful.

I do a job that is people-intense and I find it exhausting.

ThrownMuse · 20/05/2018 17:25

And me. I would happily live in a lighthouse, inaccessible to anyone. Just me and the sea (the food would arrive once a month by helicopter).

I took DS to a local street party yesterday. Lots of nice people there but I always struggle to socialise. Someone posted a photo from an upstairs window and I'm the one on their own, on the opposite side of the pavement to everyone else!

esk1mo · 20/05/2018 17:25

im the same but i go through phases of being lonely and craving a big group of friends. currently going through that phase right now Sad

i get sick of doing everything alone, in silence. id like to have the option of doing something fun with some close friends. i know lots of people but they arent “my” people, we dont click on that deeper level.

it makes me sad sometimes when i go out and sit in the park alone, to see everyone in groups having fun. im only in my 20s and feel im missing a huge part of life.

it passes though, and i go back to enjoying my alone time. Smile

MuddlingMackem · 20/05/2018 19:33

SheilaHammond Sun 20-May-18 17:18:42

If I don’t get enough time alone I really struggle with depression and anxiety.

I've pinned down the cause of my anxiety to not enough solitude since having the DC. It has helped being able to pinpoint the cause though, even if others don't understand

I am a sociable introvert and do enjoy meeting up with friends, but these days I need to have it planned in the diary so that I can look forward to it. :)

I do a job that is people-intense and I find it exhausting.

I'm currently doing a PT intensely people-facing job and I'm absolutely wiped out by it. I need to find one which lets me hole up in a cupboard office on my own and just come out to interact when I'm feeling sociable. Grin

Original poster
Frosty66612 · 20/05/2018 19:40

I’m the same in that not enough solitude can bring anxiety and depression. I struggle at Xmas time when I have to be around my noisy family for a few days and don’t get a minutes peace from my nieces. I always feel completely drained by the end of it and just want to hibernate for a week

OP posts:
DitheringBlidiot · 20/05/2018 19:51

I am my own best company, I love spending time by myself. DP needs to constantly "entertained" by other people, I have a very few but very close friends that i love to spend time with, but spending an afternoon by myself is the best. I feel a little sorry for people who don't know how to spend time with themselves.

kw1091 · 20/05/2018 20:00

I’m absolutely there with you. Will gladly spend days alone. Can often feel lonelier in a big group. And I absolutely agree that too much time alone is bad for my anxiety. Currently having a serious case of Sunday fear because I have spent all day with my family and haven’t had any time alone before work tomorrow.

FullOfJellyBeans · 20/05/2018 20:17

I'm with you. I feel self conscious about it sometimes but I love having time to myself. I love it if I have to take a long train ride alone. Heaven!

headintheproverbial · 20/05/2018 21:32

YANBU.

Since having DC I crave alone time and hardly ever get it! Have been fantasising recently about a weekend away somewhere on my own in the sun. Read a book, wander about, watch the world go by... Sounds like bliss.

I am - or used to be - an extrovert. Increasingly I feel I might be more borderline. I do find other people sap my energy more than they used to.

Tiredspice2 · 20/05/2018 21:43

I love spending time by myself, doing whatever. Solitude just energises me and calms me down. Shame I don’t get much of it these days.

Original poster
Frosty66612 · 21/05/2018 09:11

@fullofjellybeans long train rides alone are the best with my music, podcasts, books and magazines

OP posts:
MuddlingMackem · 24/05/2018 16:29

headintheproverbial Sun 20-May-18 21:32:40

Have been fantasising recently about a weekend away somewhere on my own in the sun. Read a book, wander about, watch the world go by... Sounds like bliss.

Grin My ideal would be to be able to afford to send DH and the kids away for a few days and leave me at home to catch up on reading and TV in peace. And sleep. LOL!

SingingSands · 24/05/2018 16:59

I have a little saying, which I trot out quite often: “just because I’m alone, doesn’t mean I’m lonely”.

I love my own company.

I’ve never holidayed alone, but I’ve stayed home alone several times whilst DH has taken the kids away and I’ve always really enjoyed doing that. I was toying with booking a short all-inclusive break later this year because then I could just sunbathe, read, and eat when I wanted.

Writingfrighteningverse · 01/06/2018 18:27

I love being alone, and suffer if I don't get time alone. I've learnt that being an introvert is a character trait rather than a flaw... When I had DP and DC at home I used to crave alone time so much, and revel in it when I got it. The only problem is, I think I may now have over done it and do feel lonely. I split with my ex 6 years ago, DC's subsequently left for uni, then permanently. Because I was fine/enjoyed being alone, I didn't notice so much time passing...now I'd like to meet someone new, feel like I'm getting past it and don't even know where to start Confused