Female friendships and money disparity?

[Tmtiger]

Are women more likely to be funny about money?

I live in London and my friend lives in the Midlands. She is a single parent of two on benefits so money is tight. It's just me and husband currently and he earns well.l, I earn ok. I rarely go out down south so when j go up to the Midlands I see it as my chance to splurge. So previously when I went out for a drink with said friend I would try and buy more drinks because it was my night out and drinks are so much cheaper buying a few rounds feels fine.

This used to make her really bristly and make comments I had "gone all London"

Now we've not spoken in a month and it turns out the reason is when we out for dinner and drinks a few months ago I suggested me and her pay more of the bill between us as the fiance has brought wine and they had a wedding coming up. I would of been happy for me to pay more but was afraid offering to do so would make me look "all London" so I suggest we split It, then at the pub i got a round in and made a comment about her getting the next round (which may or may not happen) but just said this to make it clear I wasn't taking over by getting a round in.

But now I get told I'm not considering how expensive half term Is, and I don't think about her.

I don't know what to do. If I pay more I'm up myself. If I make it clear she's expected to contribute equally I'm not thinking about her financial constraints.

Me and my husband have had a chat about this. He has had friends with young children with little disposable income and has paid more it's just a non issue.

So is money/comparison of life style more of a thing with women?

"Yes, she is a single mum on benefits. That's 'issues' enough without people adding an imaginary chip on her shoulder too wink"

The issue she has is not just a lack of money is it or she'd be happy to let OP pay more for things. She's resentful of OP trying to help her as well, which is why I mentioned the 'chip on the shoulder' thing.

If a well off friend says to me 'Oh let me get this'. I don't take it as an insult. I might say 'oh no' once to check they mean it and aren't just being polite, but if they're genuinely happy to pay I accept.

Yes OP, the problem is definitely all women everywhere, not you being rude, flashy, bossy or thoughtless when it comes to your friend. Other women are the problem. You are perfect.

Gwenhwyfar

It isn't having a chip on your shoulder to want to buy your own drinks. It's being rude to insist that someone goes somewhere expensive and then accepts your drinks because - as you well knew - the place is too pricey for them. Manners cost nothing.

You seem very inconsiderate.

If I were her I'd think that being your friend involved spending a lot of money and I'd distance myself.

Being around you when you are here to 'splurge' would be too expensive for me.

Why don't you think of her, what she wants to do and how she'd like to split the bill for once.

OMG - your poor friend. You splurge when you see her, direct her to pay more than her share of the bill and direct her to get the next round. Imhave decent money and would be annoyed with this.

Yes OP, the problem is definitely all women everywhere, not you being rude, flashy, bossy or thoughtless when it comes to your friend. Other women are the problem. You are perfect.

I think if she struggling that much then you would be better off doing things that cost nothing or next to nothing.Like go for a walk,and take some snacks,go for a two for one meal for a tenner type deals or just meet for a coffee.Then she either doesnt have to pay anything or much.
Maybe the friendship has run its course as well.

"It isn't having a chip on your shoulder to want to buy your own drinks. "

I think it is a bit, or a misplaced pride perhaps. I can understand it on a date, but why refuse a drink from a friend?

"It's being rude to insist that someone goes somewhere expensive and then accepts your drinks because - as you well knew - the place is too pricey for them. "

But I agree with this. You should only go somewhere you can all afford.

I think you’ve been really unreasonable too. You’re making a massive deal of money every time you go out by declaring rounds and you volunteered her for costs that could well have meant she had to go without heating / food. Why would you do that?

Gwenhwyfar

Well, my view is that pride isn't always misplaced.