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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

address being used without my consent

34 replies

LilQueenie · 19/05/2018 14:04

posting for traffic. I woke up to a letter addressed c/o (dp brothers name) with my address. it was from his brothers social worker and about the fact he didnt attend a care apt of some sort at town hall.

ok backstory. in dec he was arrested for racial slur against neighbours and social work were in touch with dd's school before notifying me. school were amazing and told them no issues. I also stated that the person in question had NOTHING to do with me or dd and questioned why we were involved. apparantly mil had been talking about us in some way in front of her sw and they jumped to thinking bail would be given at my address.wtf! mil did get her sw to bring her to my address to find dp who was not at his home a few days after. still it was all put to rest. Now I wake up to this letter.

any ideas on why they are using my address please. I am livid. I am nothing to do with this at all and keep away from dps brother for good reason. dd doesnt even know he exists.

OP posts:
AmazingPostVoices · 19/05/2018 14:06

I would think it’s quite obvious that he has given your address as his.

Contact the social worker and put them straight.

billybagpuss · 19/05/2018 14:06

That would annoy me too, return it 'not known at this address'

pinkyredrose · 19/05/2018 14:06

Send it back saying not at this address.

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 19/05/2018 14:07

Write to everyone who you possibly can stating your BL categorically does not live with you, that you're unable to forward post and that you have zero contact.

Tell your MIL that from this point on she is not to give out on rely upon your address for any reason. I don't understand why she won't let him register as being at her address if she's so desperate to help him; possibly because she knows it could potentially bring trouble to her door?

Original poster
LilQueenie · 19/05/2018 14:12

well his address is actually mil's address. he lives there and they know it.

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 19/05/2018 14:25

Send back - 'not known at this address'

Contact the social worker and make the situation crystal clear.

Oliversmumsarmy · 19/05/2018 14:41

How do you know the contents of the letter. Surely you didn't open it.

Original poster
LilQueenie · 19/05/2018 14:58

Yes I opened it. There is no reason why my address had to be used concerning him whatsoever. Even ss dont want him near me or dd. I needed to know. There is no way I could pass it on or even understand why ss think I could. They know there is absolutely no contact between us.

OP posts:
Original poster
LilQueenie · 19/05/2018 15:28

it was stating he missed an invite to an appt and they hope he will attend another in the future. They are getting a mouthful from me on monday.

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 19/05/2018 15:35

Too bloody right you'd open a letter addressed to your home but to a person who you are deliberately not in contact with, who you suspect might have decided to use your address anyway and who there is SS involvement with when you have a young child!

And before anyone says it's illegal to open someone else's mail: the relevant Act says:

"A person commits an offence if, intending to act to a person's detriment and without reasonable excuse, he opens a postal packet which he knows or reasonably suspects has been incorrectly delivered to him."

Reasonable excuse? I bloody well think so.

Oliversmumsarmy · 19/05/2018 17:12

I mean why you are making a drama about it.

Why not just send the letter back.

Opening it makes you more involved. Rather than putting that wall up

Original poster
LilQueenie · 19/05/2018 18:49

ok if someone who threatened and attacked you and basically tried to mess your life up anyway they could suddenly had mail arriving at your address using their name.... would you just send it back and not worry? Hmm

ss DO NOT want him near us but have themselves sent mail in his name to my address. I WANT TO KNOW WHY!

OP posts:
AmazingPostVoices · 19/05/2018 19:12

Ok if SW know he lives at his Mum’s it’s just an administrative mistake.

People make them all the time.

No need to give anyone a mouthful, just call and ask for an explanation.

wormery · 19/05/2018 19:18

Just call them and ask what happened and to make sure it doesn't happen again, forward it onto mil or return to sender.

Original poster
LilQueenie · 19/05/2018 19:21

I dont see how adding c/o to a letter with an address they should not have is admin error.

OP posts:
PilarTernera · 19/05/2018 19:26

Contact them and ask why it happened. If it's just an admin error, they should correct it and apologise. If there is some other reason, you can decide what to do once you find out what's going on.

Apart from anything else, if they are trying to communicate with him by sending a letter to your address, they are wasting their time and money. The message will never get to him.

Jaxhog · 19/05/2018 19:29

Whenever you get post addressed to him Send back - 'not known at this address'
Don't open any letters, just do this. It's nothing to do with you whether he makes appointments etc. Don't get sucked into it!

Oliversmumsarmy · 19/05/2018 20:49

ok if someone who threatened and attacked you and basically tried to mess your life up anyway they could suddenly had mail arriving at your address using their name.... would you just send it back and not worry

Yes.

You have to begin to separate yourself from him.

All you are doing atm is buying into the BS and by opening his mail you are just prolonging his hold on you.

Original poster
LilQueenie · 19/05/2018 21:07

wtf are you on about? separate myself from him? I have never spoken to him, or been near him no contact nothing for 7 years!

OP posts:
Original poster
LilQueenie · 19/05/2018 21:08

and even when he was around me it caused arguments with me and dp.

OP posts:
Oliversmumsarmy · 20/05/2018 10:27

By opening that letter you are creating a link between the two of you.

If there was nothing there you would have sent the letter back to the sender.

By opening it you are telling the sender there is a link between you.

It was probably a test to see if dps brother did have anything to do with you.

smurfit · 20/05/2018 12:55

Are you on glue @Oliversmumsarmy ?

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 20/05/2018 12:58

Write back to the sender, attach letter and explain he doesn’t live at your address and that you have no contact with him after whatever behaviour he had in the far past.

TheFaerieQueene · 20/05/2018 12:59

It could have been an admin error by the SW. I imagine they have your address and mistakenly used it as his. It’s just a thought.

Flightywoman · 20/05/2018 13:00

That's a data breach on the part of the sender so I would tell them. They need to investigate how it happened.

And you need assurances that they understand you have no connection to him at all and not to try and contact him through you.