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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DofE badly organised

120 replies

Cora1942 · 19/05/2018 09:37

Dd doing DofE today .
School have given out 3 man tent to carry. Fair enough they have to carry. But main part of tent is groundsheet, fly sheet etc all in one so can’t be split up.
So one girl carries this and others pegs, poles and cooking equipment.
My Dd fitted 4kg tent plus all her equipment in her rucksack.
She could t fit in a pair of spare trousers so left behind. One of the other girls took her plate and bowl.
But third girl refused to take anything . Turns out girls 2 and 3 have small rucksacks.
So AIBU to expect the school to have checked rucksack sizes before trip and insist it’s a team thing .
I can see my Dd carrying heavy tent for two days as other students not prepared .

OP posts:
Furano · 20/05/2018 22:08

@ErrolTheDragon I’m laughing at your DH and his stunt back pack!

@CalF123 not really a waste of time - team work, outdoors, playing sport, skills, community work. I can’t really see anything in there being a waste of time in the overshot of trying to create happy well rounded individuals.

ErrolTheDragon · 20/05/2018 22:17

@Furano, believe me, I did too.Grin

CalF123 · 20/05/2018 23:17

@BackForGood

You've bought into the DofE's marketing nonsense. The award itself is of no interest whatsoever to employers whether it's bronze, silver, gold or pink.(I speak as someone who's been involved in numerous recruitment processes for large firms). Parents think that putting 'DofE award' on a CV will impress employers but I'd much rather have someone who's shown the initiative to do something different rather than go along with the middle class rite of passage that is DofE.

Yes, the skills involved in DofE could be valuable even though the award itself isn't worth the paper it's written on, but these can equally be gained doing hundreds of other valuable(and more interesting) activities.

BackforGood · 20/05/2018 23:35

Nope.
I'm talking from experience.

Which experiences are you thinking of, that couldn't be incorporated ?

Sidelook · 21/05/2018 00:17

Parents think that putting 'DofE award' on a CV will impress employers but I'd much rather have someone who's shown the initiative to do something different rather than go along with the middle class rite of passage that is DofE.
Wow, why be so rude?
I am very proud of my Ds achievement in taking part in Dofe. I didn’t force him, he wanted to do it. And I gave him all the support that he needed. He came back a little more grown up and felt proud of himself. I say good on any child that takes part. I really hope that none of them ever have to work for you and your miserable attitude!

Puffycat · 21/05/2018 00:27

Cora, you’re just worrying unnecessarily, promise!
The idea of your DD struggling under all that weight and sleeping in shite is heart breaking but natural.
I can guarantee your DD is safe and sound and having a great time!

Bettyfood · 21/05/2018 00:29

It does seem so ubiquitous now that it's neither here nor there whether kids do D of E. I'd say do it if you enjoy that sort of thing, but don't torture yourself if you don't.

When I was at school hardly anyone did it, only the kids who were still involved in the Guides/Scouts movements in their teens, pretty much.

I love hiking and camping now but I hated that sort of thing in my teens. We had to do a 4 day residental team building outdoorsy thing at a YMCA place in Y10 at school and I hated every minute of it.

CalF123 · 21/05/2018 00:36

@sidelook

I'm not being rude- I'm stating a fact. Many parents think doing DofE is effectively a pathway to uni and jobs, and it just isn't. I certainly wouldn't base a hiring decision on the basis that someone had an 'award', which is handed out like confetti in return for mildly more exertion than a trip to the local supermarket.

Sidelook · 21/05/2018 01:12

I don’t think that carrying a packed 65litre rucksack and walking for miles with it on your back can be anything remotely like a trip to the local supermarket! It’s about kids being out of their comfort zones, learning new skills and being part of a team.
That can’t be a bad thing in this day and age! So what if most parents think that it’s a pathway to uni or a career. How does this effect your life CalF?

ErrolTheDragon · 21/05/2018 01:16

So what if most parents think that it’s a pathway to uni or a career.

Though I don't think that's true anyway.

CalF123 · 21/05/2018 01:17

It’s about kids being out of their comfort zones, learning new skills and being part of a team.

Nope, it's about MC parents forcing their DC into a pointless activity.

ErrolTheDragon · 21/05/2018 01:28

Nope; I didn't force my DD to do it, and she didn't find it pointless. Other posters have said similar.

UrsulaPandress · 21/05/2018 03:24

Ah, middle class.

You remind me of my sister Calf ..........

lljkk · 21/05/2018 04:15

Blimey, Calf, I was inspired to stalk you. Lots of blunt opinions. But normally you state them once & leave it. Why the very strong feelings on THIS topic. Did your kids or any of their friends do DoE? Were you collared at work to help out with it? What is your actual personal experience of DoE?

NeedForBlossom · 21/05/2018 07:05

@lljkk I think they must have failed their DofE, hence the pent up bitterness Confused

CalF123 · 21/05/2018 07:30

@lljkk

No, I didn't do DofE, and no my DC fortunately didn't- they had plenty of better things to be doing.

UrsulaPandress · 21/05/2018 07:36

Those poor unfortunate mites being forced into DofE.

Will nobody think of the cheeeeldren?

CalF123 · 21/05/2018 07:43

@UrsulaPandress It's a serious issue. I know of at least 4 cases of DC being forced into doing it. Some parents expressed horror when I told them my DC wouldn't be participating under any circumstances.

TeenTimesTwo · 21/05/2018 07:51

CalF The actual award is neither here nor there for my DD. The bottom line is that without the award neither she nor I would have been motivated / organised enough (nor had the skills wrt the expedition) to get her to do 2 weekend long hiking trips, nor the volunteering, not the activity she did for her skill (which required changing family routines for 4 months). So the award acted as a conduit through which she gained valuable experiences.

If someone has been at guides/scouts, and been on school sports teams, and learned music and already involved in volunteering, then yes I agree no benefit. But for my dyspraxic child, who for reasons beyond our control missed the boat on rainbows (and thus brownies etc) it was a really valuable experience.

I'm not saying that some children aren't forced into it (though even some of them will find it useful), but for you to post here making sweeping statements disparaging the whole award system really is not on.

UrsulaPandress · 21/05/2018 07:54

Okaaaaay.

So how do you force a teenager to undertake a 4 day expedition covering approximately 15 miles a day in sometimes horrendous weather?

And force them out of the house every week to volunteer with children or the elderly with a smile on their face?

I must be doing parenting wrong.

ErrolTheDragon · 21/05/2018 07:59

Would you have let your kids do it if they'd wanted to, CalF? Many of the 'plenty of better things' could probably have been done as the activity/skill/volunteering components anyway.

CalF123 · 21/05/2018 08:01

@ErrolTheDragon

I can't envisage a circumstance where either DS or DD would've wanted to do it because they are both well aware of how much of a waste of time and effort it is. Both also participate in a variety of analogous activities such as dancing, scouts and volunteering in a charity shop which don't require the bureaucracy involved in DofE.

RedSkyAtNight · 21/05/2018 08:07

Doing the DofE award gave me a life long love of walking/camping (came from a family that didn't do either). Plus the volunteering led on to 20 years as a Brownie adult leader.

It's unlikely either of these things would have happened without the DofE award - and to me the long term impacts are more important than the just "getting the award".

TeenTimesTwo · 21/05/2018 08:14

There you go CalF. Your DC already did all the stuff, so didn't need the umbrella of DofE to help them to do the activities.

But not all children are like yours and for children not involved in scouts, dancing, charity shops already, DofE can make a real difference to their skillset and confidence.

By the way, it was only because DD was doing DofE that she was allowed to volunteer where she did. Otherwise she would have been considered 'too young'.

EBearhug · 21/05/2018 10:32

My volunteerIng through DofE was first aid, lifesaving and swimming teaching. That later meant I could earn more than double what I could have done if waitressing or stacking supermarket shelves. It was definitely useful to me - and yes, I might have done some of those things anyway, but I don't know - I haven’t lived the life where I didn't do DofE.

Colleague's son is currently doing it and getting a lot out of it. He certainly wouldn't have been doing volunteering without it..

Ir might not be a ticket to a job, (though it literally was in my case,) but I don't think it's completely pointless at all. It may be for some people, but you can say the same of any activity.