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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you feel insecure if your OH went to a topless beach?

75 replies

Frosty66612 · 19/05/2018 08:55

My best friend was telling me last night about her recent holiday to Ibiza with her OH. She said they went to a beach by their hotel and about 90% of the women were all topless sunbathing so she made her and her OH go straight back to the hotel to sunbathe on their hotel balcony instead. I don’t judge her for this as we all have our own insecurities, but just curious if that sort of scenario would bother the majority of others in relationships too? She said her issue was not wanting her OH to see women with better bodies than hers. It genuinely wouldn’t be an issue for me if my OH went somewhere like this but maybe I’m in the minority

OP posts:
SpectacularAardvark · 19/05/2018 10:21

I would think her partner is much more likely to leave her because of her weird, controlling behaviour than because he saw someone on a beach with nice boobs tbh.

Creambun2 · 19/05/2018 10:23

Topless sunbathing is vulgar.

MrsCD67 · 19/05/2018 10:25

I wouldn't care as long as he wasn't overtly staring

Lethaldrizzle · 19/05/2018 10:27

Given that my dh has (hopefully) not seen another pair of breasts in years, I think his eyes would be on stalks. So I think I might find it all rather awks!

Grilledaubergines · 19/05/2018 10:41

Blimey, she’s so insecure, OP. They’re boobs FFS! I cannot imagine giving a shit, frankly. Why would people be jealous of a pair of boobs and moreso, on a stranger.

SarahSiddons · 19/05/2018 10:50

No. I might feel self conscious about my own body and going topless / nude myself but I wouldn’t care about my husband seeing other women and wouldn’t march him home!

I think he knows there are women with ‘better’ bodies than me out there and I am also aware that men with ‘better’ bodies than him exist too! I would manage to stop myself chasing a firm bodied hunk down the beach and I trust he could do the same!

JaneJeffer · 19/05/2018 10:54

DH would have some of the biggest boobs there Grin

Oldraver · 19/05/2018 10:55

I wouldn't give two hoots. I feel sorry for your friend being so insecure. Telling him to look away ffs

ConstantlyCold · 19/05/2018 10:57

Topless sunbathing is vulgar

Why?

I couldn’t care less if dh sees other women’s boobs and most of them would be better than mine.

Violetshift · 19/05/2018 11:03

As long as he doesn't look and they were just there. Would not bother me and I have jealousy issues.

You are right the
Controlling obsession can drive a wedge.

Hotpinkparade · 19/05/2018 11:05

I think my boyfriend has seen tits before. We’ve been to nudist beaches on holiday and it never occurred to me to worry.

Celebelly · 19/05/2018 11:08

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest. In fact, we ended up on a beach once where there was actual full-on women spreadeagled naked in the sun and it didn't occur to me to be jealous. We just giggled embarrassedly (and might have given a nickname to one woman with a very impressive bush).

She's treating him like her son, not her husband.

DuchyDuke · 19/05/2018 11:27

My dh and I accidentally stumbled on a topless beach & I just pulled my top off and settled down. He was mortified but didn’t say anything lol

TheNoseyProject · 19/05/2018 11:39

On the continent they Have a very different attitude/culture and topless bathing is the norm/v common and not at all attention seeking (as it would be on the uk north east coast on your average spring day). So it’s sad she can’t see that this really is not about women trying to attract you dh’s attention and is just normal on those beaches. Does it mean the missed out on the beach all together? Slightly negates the point of going to Ibiza.

Dh would be nudging me to get my top off (no chance) and not ogling. I’d be more likely to have a quick glance than him I think!

KatieKittens · 19/05/2018 13:29

I feel sorry for your friend OP. It sound to me like her anxieties are something she is not in control of. I think it’s fair to say that most people would prefer to spend time on a beach over a hotel balcony.

You say you don’t judge your friend, but if you were genuinely seeking people’s opinions, you could have asked this question without bringing up her holiday story.

Do you want validation that you have the right attitude towards it and she has the wrong one?

Stormwhale · 19/05/2018 13:33

Nope, it wouldn't bother me. My dp on the other half would be twisting himself inside out trying not to look. He accidentally spoke to a woman while breastfeeding her baby recently and is utterly mortified. He didn't realise she was bfing and feels awful that she might think he was being a perv.

Eolian · 19/05/2018 13:34

I'm not a fan of topless bathing but I don't see that it would have much effect on a man comparing other women's bodies with his partner's, unless she had a particular complex about her nipples Grin. A bikini or even a swimsuit still makes it pretty obvious what a woman's body is like.

GrooovyLass · 19/05/2018 13:40

I'm a fat meff and a couple of years ago on holiday we got talking to a lady on the beach because she was from near where we're from. She was topless. Didn't bother me at all. She had a much better figure than me and I'm sure OH sneaked a look at her boobs but who cares - it's me he loves. I feel very sorry for your friend, and for her OH too.

Seryph · 19/05/2018 13:59

I once managed to forget my bikini top when packing for a holiday and was furious, my DP was just like, 'Go without. What's the problem?' Not because he wanted to see me topless, just because he genuinely couldn't see why I wouldn't. He after all, had no shirt on!

I'm also just as likely as him to sneak a look at other people, so I really couldn't care less.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 19/05/2018 14:02

I would give a total of zero fucks & would in fact do exactly as they were-hate the tan lines left by bikini tops.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 19/05/2018 14:17

I'm a widow now but when DH was around we always used topless beaches - well, pretty much all beaches are topless in Europe. What we really liked were nudist beaches. It's the sense of freedom. Swimming and sunbathing naked is heavenly. It never crossed my mind to worry about him looking at other women.

Your friend's insecurity is sad. It seems inevitable that absurd standards of beauty will destroy some women's peace of mind. But her response is not OK. It's controlling. It says "I don't trust you". That's far more likely to destroy her relationship than her DH seeing some stranger's tits.

LifeBeginsAtGin · 19/05/2018 14:47

Wouldn't bother me, in fact I'd probably be looking along with DH.

If I took my top off my boobs would fall into my armpits, I certainly haven't got boobs that stand to attention when I lay down.

happypoobum · 19/05/2018 14:58

I don't really understand this to be honest. Considering the fact that tiny thong bikinis are back in fashion, there isn't more than a few cm of fabric difference between being in a bikini and being topless.

I am surprised she "let" him go on a beach holiday at all.....

Babyroobs · 19/05/2018 15:00

My dh ( before we were married ) took me to a nudist beach in Cornwall without warning where he proceeded to strip off. I was mortified.

missbonita · 19/05/2018 15:12

Is he allowed to watch tv? films? Go to the national gallery? Be near a breast feeding woman?
She's being ridiculous.

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