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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you feel insecure if your OH went to a topless beach?

75 replies

Frosty66612 · 19/05/2018 08:55

My best friend was telling me last night about her recent holiday to Ibiza with her OH. She said they went to a beach by their hotel and about 90% of the women were all topless sunbathing so she made her and her OH go straight back to the hotel to sunbathe on their hotel balcony instead. I don’t judge her for this as we all have our own insecurities, but just curious if that sort of scenario would bother the majority of others in relationships too? She said her issue was not wanting her OH to see women with better bodies than hers. It genuinely wouldn’t be an issue for me if my OH went somewhere like this but maybe I’m in the minority

OP posts:
Babynonamee · 19/05/2018 09:26

Surely her DH would see other women's bodies even if they did have their bikini tops on anyway?
(Other than nipples!)

Bluntness100 · 19/05/2018 09:26

I'm not sure it was a topless beach as such, more simply that was the norm there as it is in many countries.

I wouldn't give a shit, I've been to many countries on holiday with my husband where topless sunbathing was the norm.

I think your friend is deeply insecure and it's a shame for her and her partner, I mean who wants to spend their holiday sun bathing on the balcony because they can't go to thr beach. And to feel so deeply insecure you have to remove your partner. It's a shame for her.

Bluntness100 · 19/05/2018 09:27

She said her issue was not wanting her OH to see women with better bodies than hers

So what was her issue then, did she say?

Original poster
Frosty66612 · 19/05/2018 09:28

I just can’t imagine having to feel so on edge during a holiday in case my OH caught a few glimpses of boobs and bums. It would completely ruin things for me if I was having to watch his every move to make sure he wasn’t having a sneaky peak. I do feel sorry for her as it must be exhausting. But I also feel sorry for her OH as it can’t be nice for him either

OP posts:
AlmostAJillSandwich · 19/05/2018 09:29

I have a very rare congenital birth defect with my boobs, i cant even look at them myself and even in clothing they look awful. I'd be so hurt and upset if i saw my partner looking at another woman topless, and lets face it, they are going to look. Boobs are sexualised, one of their purposes is to attract a mate, as well as feed babies. Even if he wasn't ogling, he's still going to see them, and they are going to look better than mine!

Fact is, women going topless is far more sexual than a male going topless as boobs are more intimate than a male chest. Ideally (for me at least) if youre somewhere full nudity wouldn't be allowed, female toplessness shouldn't be either.

BeyondPink · 19/05/2018 09:29

I've never seen a "topless beach" on the continent - ALL beaches are potentially topless? Confused
Or at least - I've never been arrested for exposure on a non-designated "topless beach" Grin

Original poster
Frosty66612 · 19/05/2018 09:29

@bluntness sorry I worded that a bit weirdly. I meant that she said her issue WAS that she wasn’t wanting her OH to see women with better bodies then her

OP posts:
SurfnTerfFantasticmissfoxy · 19/05/2018 09:30

I'll be honest - it would bother me. Not because I'm generally crazy jealous but because I've had a mastectomy and reconstruction and hate the way my breasts look naked. DH was always a 'boob man' and so the idea of loads of what I can't give him all up in our faces would make me want to cry.
Before the surgery - I still think it would bother me yes. Much the same as I would imagine loads of guys with their bare arses out would bother DH

Strugglingtodomybest · 19/05/2018 09:30

It wouldn't bother me and I feel sorry for your friend for having such bad insecurities. I feel sorry for her boyfriend too.

artggghhh · 19/05/2018 09:31

But you don't judge. Grin

Original poster
Frosty66612 · 19/05/2018 09:34

@artggh I don’t judge her for feeling insecure about going to a beach where there a lot of young topless women. I only judge her controlling reactions such as making her husband turn away. I think it would be far better to just not go on those sorts of holidays until she can work on her self esteem a bit

OP posts:
elisenbrunnen · 19/05/2018 09:40

Wow - actually I thought all beaches (on the continent) were topless? I've literally just come back from Spain and there were women sunbathing topless on them. I wouldn't do it, my boobs are nothing to write home about, (and I've way too many moles to expose to the sun) but even I look at others.

She won't go anywhere - or let him go anywhere Hmm - unless she realises that others exist.

My dp quite often will look out a Nudist beach if there's one near where we are staying - he loves to sunbathe nude. Not many women do tho. On one in OZ, a man in the shade was yanking off while sunbathing. (Not to completion, just pleasuring Shock) and that was a bit Hmm.

Hollyboobieboo · 19/05/2018 09:41

The beach could be full of topless supermodels for all I care. DH is a boob man, so they could have the biggest perfect boobies going. It wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. What would make me insecure in that scenario was if we accidently stumbled across a nudist beach and I had to get naked lol. The fact 10% still had their tops on, I’d be thinking thank Christ.

However, if a full clothed co-worker was getting flirty with DH, I’d be getting jealous. Women who are strangers don’t activate my green eyed monster lol.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 19/05/2018 09:43

So what happens when they are in a pub/cafe/restaurant or anywhere else and someone who has a lovely figure is there? Do they leave. If a pretty young thing with a short skirt and legs up to her armpits was in the seat next to him at the cinema would she make him stop.?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 19/05/2018 09:43

Swap not stop grrr

Branleuse · 19/05/2018 09:44

i wouldnt care, assuming he wasnt ogling people

madsiemoomoo · 19/05/2018 09:45

They are boobs, why on earth is that a big deal?! You'd have to be really insecure to let it worry you

LinoleumBlownapart · 19/05/2018 09:49

It wouldn't bother me.

If I was her partner I'd be concerned, why is seeing a different, younger or more toned body so dangerous to her relationship? What would happen if she saw a man with a better body than her OH? Would she just run off into the sunset with him?

wendywoopywoo222 · 19/05/2018 09:49

Sad that she is so insecure. It must be very wearing for both of them. Perhaps she should look into getting some help for herself before she drives her partner away with her controlling ways. There will always be more attractive people in every social situation.

Original poster
Frosty66612 · 19/05/2018 09:53

@linoleum that’s exactly what I said to her - does she expect her husband to run off with one of the women who has better boobs than her.

OP posts:
GrannyHaddock · 19/05/2018 09:54

That's ridiculous!

AnyFucker · 19/05/2018 09:54

Nah, I've been sunbathing topless all my life. Doesn't bother me one bit. If DH cops a look around on these beaches, he is very discreet about it. That is the key, I think.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 19/05/2018 10:00

My dp was called out to a job last year, unbeknown to him it was a naturist camp, when he got back and told me I thought it hilarious Grin it was even more funny the thought of the bloke that works for us being there too as he is such a prude, one man cycled past them stark bollocks naked and said a cheery hello.

Missingstreetlife · 19/05/2018 10:04

Almostajill. Sorry for your issues. As pp said we would have to lock up our dp if they are never to see a better body. Ogling is not nice for anyone, however you or the ogled look. Can't help noticing, it's reassuring how varied bodies really are. Ops friend is insecure. Slap his hand if he stares.
It's a western thing to fetishise bosoms. In some African countries and probably other cultures, bottoms are what's attractive, breasts are functional.

BakedBeans47 · 19/05/2018 10:08

But if her concern was that other women had better bodies than her that would be the same even if they had on bikini tops Confused

If he went on his own and had sought out a topless beach (is there such a thing?) I might question that he was just doing it to ogle women but if he was with his partner what’s the problem? She sounds bonkers and controlling.