AIBU to ask for your stories of hope after repeated pregnancy loss?

[whyhastherumgone]

Just that really.
Had first trimester mmc the first time round second trimester loss the second and have just finished a chemical pregnancy. Feeling pretty low and like it’s never going to happen for us (i’m 33) and really sorry for myself.

Would really appreciate any stories from people who have had similar and gone on the have DC.

Sorry to bring the mood down.

I was referred to recurrent miscarriage clinic after third loss lots of tests including genetic but they never found any cause , it was a very upsetting time I was lucky there was no major issues but I was sure something was wrong at the time

3 miscarriages and 2 DC here.

It's just that feeling of being on an awful journey and having no idea how or when it will end. I've never forgotten how distressing it was, huge hugs to you. It was a very low time in my life, but I never gave up hope...

OP, you feel what you feel. What you have been through is dreadful, and the experiences of others do not take the unique-to-you awfulness away, just as your experience doesn't take theirs away (iyswim).

My experience is that there is often so little rhyme or reason to these things, even when it (as eventually came to light in my case) looks as if there must be a cause. My fifth miscarriage was due to a fairly rare chromosomal problem, so then of course we went to genetic counselling suspecting a balanced translocation, but our karyotypes were normal. I had a biopsy for killer cells but it wasn't that. My best guess is that, for whatever reason, my clotting issues affected some pregnancies but not others, but it's a guess, and tbh not a particularly educated one. The difficulty of pinning down 'the cause' is part of the great cruelty of all of this, but it does also mean there is hope. Lesley Regan has written clearly and well on this.

Not quite the same but my wife had 5 rounds of ivf resulting in 2 pregnancies both lost before 8 weeks. I had two failed rounds. We went on to adopt three beautiful girls

I'm just catching up, trying to respond to everyone as you've all taken the time to share your stories and this thread has helped so much. It's amazing how much the kindness and empathy of strangers can make you feel better - I don't think anyone can truly know this feeling unless they've unfortunately been there themselves.

@Ohlalasayohla thank you so much for sharing your story - that sounds so traumatic and I'm really glad to hear you recovered and went on to have an easy second pregnancy too :)

@whyisitsodifficult that's really interesting about the aspirin, I started taking that in the pregnancy that got the furthest (and the issue with that seems unrelated to any issues I may have with carrying) so I wonder if that's why that one went okay....

@sashkin that sounds so tough with ashermans on top of everything else :-/ So glad that it worked out for you though.

@runningshorts flat and grey describes my mood perfectly. I just feel like everything is so hopeless but I have to say this thread has helped enormously.

@vampirethriller so happy for you and hope you have an uneventful and happy (as happy as can be after previous losses!) pregnancy xx

@goingalonenow No we haven't yet - we've had other tests related to the specific suspected genetic condition in the second trimester loss but nothing was found. However I do have a fantastic doctor and have had a lot of support from our local hospital, so I'm hoping the chemical will count when I go in to see him this week so we could potentially start investigations sooner rather than later. I imagine they can take quite a lot of time based on our previous experience of testing?

@JustSeeingHowManyCharactersWeC your post really made me smile

@Glitterzzz you poor thing, it sounds like you really went through it and I was really pleased to hear your happy outcome - it has given me hope :)

@slowlywiltingpetal wow thank you so much for that post and all the information, it's made me feel like I have a bit of a clearer direction when I go to see the doctor next week. I will definitely DM you before I go - thanks so much for the offer. Sorry to hear it's been a tough journey for you x

@marmalady I can't imagine how terrified you must have been throughout that whole pregnancy after your experiences - your little one sounds lovely

I lost eight other my twenties then got pregnant with my son at 29. He was unplanned and although SEN is the light of our life.

I've had 9 pg's and have two boys 20 years apart. My losses were from 5/7/12/14/27 weeks, doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to them. Though have since learned PCOS can play a part

I had given up for a while before DS2, when an unexpected early m/c made me change my mind about trying again. DS2 came along after 5 cycles when I was 40

My friend had 6 very early miscarriages but just had a healthy baby girl. I never got pregnant till dd. Shes the only pregnancy. Sorry for your loss xxxx

Im 33 too. Had a first trimester mmc. Then a stillborn. Then a second trimester mmc. A sneaky little 5% of me feels like its not meant to be and i should just throw the towel im but the rest clings to the hope that i can get pregnant. I can carry a pregnancy. The two last pregnancies had different problems not linked at all so it really should be 'just bad luck'. I can only hope.

When im npt pregnant im quite good at being optimistic and thinking thw next time it will be fine but the minute i get a bfp im a mess.

Try not to test early too as i dont want to know about any chemicals.

It's really tough but ive read so many success stories. Here's hoping we can stay brave and become one of them. I'm so sorry for your losses.

Not quite recurrent but I had two MMC last year after three healthy DC. No idea why they happened, no explanation given. The heart stopped at 7 weeks with the first and 9 weeks with the second and my body didn’t recognise it had happened whatsoever, just found out at the first scan. The first miscarriage almost killed me due to hemorrhaging following medical management. Devastating blows. But I am now 16 weeks pregnant and all is well. I still grieve for the losses, two days ago it was the year anniversary of the first miscarriage and simultaneously the due date of the second. I cried a lot and still feel a bit down. Miscarriage is a truly horrible thing, I’m so sorry for your losses .

Ohh im just a Little bit grateful for this thread!

@whyhastherumgone I just lost no.3 last week at 10weeks. Pending referral call to gynaecologist for tests. Have been in such a low spot and struggling to get my feelings in order.

I know this is personal to all of us but for those of you that tried again pre testing or pre results, what were your thoughts at the time, or fear factors?how did you rationalise?

I'm 39... no dcs... 3mcs in 8months.. I can clearly get pregnant, I'm worried about my fertility changing when I hit 40 next Feb and the timescales for testing.

Any friendly advice or experiences?

Hi, 7 lost babies here.

2, then had my son. I was 33.
5 more.
No reason for them, all tests normal. Investigations galore, all normal.

The last lost baby, my 7th was the worst. Painful contractions, heavy bleeding. Had morphine , gas & air until it passed. My baby was gone again.

We gave up. Enough was enough. I was 42. I got the pill from my dr. Instructed to take it on the first day of my next period after the miscarriage was complete.

I felt unwell, very unwell. I believed that the pregnancy had not all gone, some must have been left behind, I had infection.
I went for a scan, to confirm this.

There, on that screen, that day, that moment, was a tiny baby, with a healthy beating heart. I was 7 weeks pregnant.
It was ok. It was fine, I held him, chubby, healthy, gloriously alive. I was 43.

How's that for hope xxxx

My brother and SIL had three miscarriages before they had their son, who is almost 18 months old. They are pregnant with a second child who is due in October.

I once met a lady in a prenatal clinic where I was working. She and her husband both had fertility issues and had tried many things to get pregnant, but had been unsuccessful. They adopted a child from another country. They were just finalizing the adoption when they found out she was pregnant! So she had an 18-month-old son and was five months pregnant with a surprise baby.

First time posting. So sorry to hear of all of your losses and I know the sadness and heart break that brings.

Wondering if any of you were told miscarriages were down to chromosome abnormalities?
I have now had 5 miscarriages - 4 early m/c before 8 wks (3 or which had to have d&c as wouldn’t pass naturally and 2 of those confirmed as different random chromosome issues). Our most recent passed away at 15 weeks plus 5 and I am just out of hospital after being induced to deliver her. They suspect Trisomy 13 and awaiting results to confirm. I am now 40 years old and have been told by the recent doctor it is my age and eggs causing chromosome abnormalities. The miscarriages started when I was 38.
I have a healthy 8 year old son and fall pregnant easily. I’m healthy, active, non smoker, stopped drinking for TTC and eating healthy. I don’t understand why and feel that there is no hope to have a sibling for my son and child with my husband. Anyone had a similar experience with chromosome issues? Many thanks

Hi ladies.

I’ve never posted on here before but I’m really struggling. I have a three year old and desperate for her to have a sibling.

Tried for a year to get pregnant and finally happened in Jan. Had a miscarriage at 14 weeks in April and just utterly devastated. Have been trying since then but just got my period again yesterday.

I’m just so sad, so angry and ready to give up. I’ve had private fertility tests, which all came back fine and my headband has also been privately tested and everything normal.

I’m just so terrified that my time is running out. I’m 36 now and just starting to feel that this is never going to happen for us. I know that I should be so grateful to have my daughter but I’m heartbroken at the thought of her not having a playmate and never being pregnant again.

Right now I just need a bit of hope. I’m so sick of this relentless cycle of being disappointed and angry. I just feel like my body is failing me and I can’t see an end to this.

Does anyone have any good news stories about getting pregnant post miscarriage after trying for so long? Xxx

7 mcs, 2 children now.

33 when I had my 1st child, 43 when I had my 2nd.

We gave up after mc number 7, didn't know that my 2nd child was on his way as I was still grieving for that number 7, thought I had retained some of the miscarriage and that's why I felt so unwell... turns out I was 7 weeks with healthy ds!
Could have blown me away, gobsmacked and total shock.
X

My DH has a balanced translocation which means that part of two of his chromosomes are swapped. If he passes on both or neither swapped chromosomes then we make a healthy baby but if he passes on just one of them then they end up with too much/too little genetic material which for us seems to cause a miscarriage around 6 weeks or complete failure to implant. So we have had two early miscarriages and then a 15 month stretch without any pregnancies at all which was frustrating - the miscarriages were hard and disappointing but I was feeling like at least we were getting somewhere with it. I'm in a translocation support group on FB and I think we are actually lucky with these low numbers.

Eventually we got pregnant and it miraculously stuck past 6 weeks. We had an ultrasound and were able to see a heartbeat, which was incredible. Everything has gone well since then and I'm now 38 weeks, thoroughly uncomfortable but we're waiting for our little boy to arrive. I am mostly okay thanks to the fact he moves a lot but if he ever goes quiet for more than about half an hour I start to get terrified about stillbirth.

We knew about the translocation from family so luckily we were not completely in the dark, but I know that the NHS do not test for this in all areas so if you have history of miscarriage especially if you have one or two specific times you tend to miscarry at it can be worth asking for karyotyping to be done.

I had so many that I honestly lost count. I think if I was forced to say, maybe 8... perhaps more? Because we were rural and in a different country for some of the time, by the time I got to hospital they couldn’t confirm whether it was a pregnancy or just a horrendous period, I also kept getting cysts that would burst so they were sometimes blamed. It was all so mixed up without being able to immediately scan or see a doctor to find out. I think that was a very strange aspect to it too, not being sure if my grief was misplaced. Was I devastated about a lost baby, or a period, or a cyst? I know at least about 4 or 5 were confirmed as pregnancies before the bleeding started each time at approx 6-7 weeks. I had polycystic ovaries and endometriosis, all my hormones were messed up and my insides looked awful on the ultrasound every time they did a scan. It was full of scarring and cysts and built up endometriosis. I remember that floating feeling every time it happened. On the way to the hospital my husband would be very stressed and trying to hurry to maybe save the baby, and I’d be saying that I know it’s gone, there’s no point in rushing. On the way back after it was confirmed, I remember keeping stopping at tollbooths and just thinking FUCK OFF, I can’t stand to stop and have a human glance at me while I sit here in the passenger seat looking like I’ve been dragged through a hedge and then wounded somewhere in my mind or soul or somewhere that I can’t even really be sure exists. My husband would be handing over the change and I would feel like I was going to explode with fury, wanting to speed away. Even now when we’re goig through the tolls I get almost some kind of flashbacks of it. The most ordinary of things can be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. That’s not a positive so far, but just an attempt to empathise with any irrational anger or apathetic moods you may be experiencing at this stage. After seemingly endless cycles of disappointment, I fell pregnant and had progesterone injections, and was on bed rest for the first few months. I had a few bleeds, but he stayed! He really amazingly stayed and he was very quickly joined by two more healthy babies. They are all just the loveliest and sweetest kids you could imagine, and worth all the trauma and despair. I can recall it now, as though remembering a particularly heart wrenching book, now they’re sort of detached in some way, those times of deepest misery. It happened for me, and it has happened for a few friends this year too, who had given up hope. I don’t want to repeat their stories as it doesn’t feel right, even anonymously, knowing how personal and painful this journey is. But suffice to say, there have been a few desperately awaited births this year among friends and aquaintances of mine that I’m absolutely trhrilled about. It can happen, even after many losses. Best of luck and peace of mind for you OP.

Some nice doctors will refer / investigate before the ‘three losses’ rule so it is always worth pushing , for anyone reading this who’s been told to wait
(Mine did this for me, anyway)

I am another lucky one who had success after repeated loss
I am sorry for you and really hope your dream comes true x

Had 2 easy pregnancies in my early 20s, then with new partner started trying at age 36, 1 mmc, 1 at 6wks and a chemical MC, got referred for tests after chemical but was 8 weeks pregnant with dd on the day of the appointment. Was 38 when dd was born.
The 1st mmc was a complete shock at 12 wk scan. Baby gone at 7 weeks, unfortunately my teenage dd was with us at the scan and was so devastated she refused to have any emotional attachment when dd arrived, 10 years down the line I'm sad to say she's still detached from dd and has no real bond with her.
MC can have far reaching consequences even if we get our miracle rainbow babies.
I also took aspirin when pregnant with dd, but we figured out that the 2nd and 3rd MC where due to hormones dropping after mmc so although I could get pregnant easily I couldn't sustain them. I got pregnant too quickly without giving my body a chance to rebalance. I knew my hormones were back up with my dd as I had all the pre menstrual symptoms that had been missing in the months before the last 2 mc.

Hi,
So sorry for your experience.
There is hope, although I would do well to remember that myself at the moment. I was so lucky to be blissfully unaware of the risk and lasting effects of miscarriage during my first pregnancy with DD now aged 8. Her pregnancy was the healthiest I have ever felt in my life, so grateful for that time. 2 years later we had a loss at 6 weeks, followed by another at 11 weeks. I was determined to be hopeful and not allow this heart ache to determine my future regarding wanting more children. 6 months after our 2nd loss we fell pregnant again, I have never known a fear like it. I got the positive test, got the excitement, told the parents and then bang I froze. The anxiety and overwhelming feelings of 'today's the day the baby is going to leave me' got too big I thought of a termination. I didn't want to lose my baby but I also could not lose myself any further in this fear and at least that way I would of had control over when it would happen. I was cared for in epac and given the details of my guardian angel, a counsellor in the hospital who along with having me daughter already, saved me. My appointments with her were stopped as I was becoming increasingly upset and stressed as the pregnancy went on and the calming emotional exercises did not help, so I got through the rest of the time reminding myself I was strong and this baby was going to be part of our lives. I had mentally prepared that bedroom twice then spent months not being able to go inside it. Half way though this pregnancy I managed to put some curtains up, that was enough for then. To cut out lots of things in between I'll get to the birth. I finally saw THAT face, she was here, my precious baby girl. Seeing my eldest meet her baby sister was beyond overwhelming and a moment I'll never forget. Following weeks were beautiful. Then the fear crept in, yes she's here but yes she IS going to leave me, something is going to happen and I'm going lose her too. I went back to see counsellor and she was beyond words, I cannot thank her enough for what she did for me and also reminding me what I can do for myself. My second daughter was born in 2013, the last time I had the reacuring nightmare were she is taken from me was earlier this year. I am little scared to admit to other people that I am confident she's here for good but I'm almost 100% there. 2017 we decided to try for another baby, getting old and all that! We get the positive test and at 10 weeks I start to bleed, our baby died at 6 weeks but my body didn't recognise it. 12 days before Christmas my baby was taken out of me and for the first time in my life I physically felt my heart break. I didn't have one worry from the moment of seeing the pink lines, I felt good, I wasn't afraid, this was going to be OK. Then it wasn't. I found being around people who hadn't experienced this really difficult and isolated myself. Someone tried to reassure me by telling me baby wasn't real, or someone asked me what it felt like because they had never had a miscarriage before, also had a family member tell me they were jealous because her sister had announced she was getting another grandchild. I was choked. Christmas came and went in a bit of a daze. This summer we decided try again. I am currently 13 weeks and I feel so alone. Thankfully I am past the point of over wiping every time I wee but I am still waiting for the first signs of it going wrong. I don't want anybody to know and the arguments with my partner are horrible. We don't speak anymore and I'm at the point of wanting to leave. I feel pressure to talk about it and family members are aren't helping. I was hoping to feel lighter at 12.week scan but unfortunately that didn't come and the thought of telling my daughters is too much. I feel stuck and so sad that this 'joyful experience' is petrifying.
I'm sorry for the long rant but as you can tell I don't really express to people in real life how I'm feeling.

I had 3 mcs (1 spontaneous, 2 missed) I was diagnosed after the 3rd mc with high natural killer cells, and prescribed prednisolone, low-dose aspirin, vit d3 and progesterone. I then had DS1. Another missed mc followed (I couldn’t get in to see the consultant and get my meds prescribed in time). Then went on to have DS2.
Wishing you all the best.

I had my first child no problems. But then i had 5 m/cs in a row. It was devastating. We were referred for testing , it showed that i had a minor gene mutation that caused my blood to clot . It affected the placenta causing me to miscarry. All i had to do was take an aspirin everyday. That's it. After years of losses . That was all it was! My next pregnancy was successful and I have had 3 more children. I always found it strange it never affected my first pregnancy.
It was a horrible time of my life and it's still hard to talk about. I'm sorry for your losses OP and I wish you all the best for the future.

Hey OP. 4 lost pregnancies here, 2 failed IVFs and no cause ever found. I'm up at 1.30 because my daughter just wet the bed and then woke her brother up - what you're going through is so tough but there is hope i promise. I was 39 when i finally got my official mummy badge. Habe you looked at the Tommy's website?

I found it really reassuring. You are not alone, and sending lots of love x