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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my 7 year old to go on holiday for 3 weeks with my ex?

34 replies

somanymiles · 18/05/2018 17:21

My ex has asked if we can split the summer holidays into 2 so that DS, aged 7, spends 3 weeks straight with each of us. Our court order says we split the holidays evenly, but in 1 and 2 week chunks. 2 weeks already seems a very long time to me! AIBU to say no? I feel my DS already finds the transition back to me hard, even when he has been with his Dad for a week (which he has done in previous holidays). The court order does say we can vary the arrangements by mutual agreement, but I just think DS is still too young for 3 weeks straight away from me. Am I just being clingy? He does spend 3 nights a week with his Dad and we have split previous school holidays equally, so he is used to being with his Dad.

OP posts:
Lazypuppy · 18/05/2018 17:27

Surely it would be easier to do it this way then there is only one change over instead of multiple ones after 1 or 2 weeks. Much easier to settle in somewhere for longer

Furano · 18/05/2018 17:28

If he finds the transition back to you hard - this way he only has to do the hard transition once rather than twice.

Without knowing your son it hard to call.

Allthewaves · 18/05/2018 17:28

There's only going to be one transition so wouldn't that be better and he's 7 it's not a baby or toddler

Allthewaves · 18/05/2018 17:29

No I don't think he's too young for 3 weeks with his dad. I think u have to give it a try and see if it works

Sirzy · 18/05/2018 17:30

I agree it may actually make it easier for him. Gives him a good block to get settled rather than forever being back and forth

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 18/05/2018 17:30

I feel my DS already finds the transition back to me hard, even when he has been with his Dad for a week

In light of this I agree his decision seems sensible, it means he gets quality time with both of you with minimal transition difficulties. I would agree to try it this year and see how it goes.

GalwayWayfarer · 18/05/2018 17:30

Only you know your son but if the transition is hard I would think doing it just once rather than twice or three times would be better?

Ohmydayslove · 18/05/2018 17:31

I think it will be easier for him but harder for you Flowers

It’s great he has 2 loving involved parents. I would let him go and keep in contact. Can you not Skype?

ProperLavs · 18/05/2018 17:31

I wouldn't have been able to be parted from my 7 year old for 3 weeks.

Fairylea · 18/05/2018 17:32

I have been doing this with my ex since my dd was 5 - she is now 14. He lives in the USA now and has done for the last 5 years so she spends half the holidays there (he comes and gets her and brings her back) and she spends half the other holidays there too (not half terms obviously). It works well for us and she loves going but I guess it depends on the child.

thatwhichwecallarose · 18/05/2018 17:35

YABU to not want him to go but YWBU to stop him going. This should be about what’s best for him not you.

Passportto · 18/05/2018 17:36

This sounds really hard for you but really good for DS.

Katedotness1963 · 18/05/2018 17:36

It seems like two lots of three weeks would be much easier. And better for planning trips/days out/etc.

Pengggwn · 18/05/2018 17:39

I don't think a child should have to go three weeks without a primary carer when it isn't necessary.

Andrewofgg · 18/05/2018 17:44

Penggwn Why should the exh not act as primary carer for three weeks? It sounds as if the fewer handovers the better for DS which is what matters.

user1483387154 · 18/05/2018 17:46

TBH I think YABU

Passportto · 18/05/2018 17:47

The child spend 3 nights a week with his father. He might not be primary carer but close enough the DS will be fine.

MadMags · 18/05/2018 17:47

He spends three nights a week with his dad. OP is barely the “primary carer”.

It sounds like it will be much easier on your ds and on that basis you should do it.

kubex · 18/05/2018 17:54

Oh for fuck sake, it's his father not a stranger.

Stop being ridiculous and let him go.

summerlovingliz · 18/05/2018 17:54

I think it depends on the nature of your 7yr old.. Mine is emotionally quite needy and only mummy really cuts it.. if it's too much for you say no, I'd hate it, too long!

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 18/05/2018 17:56

He spends three nights a week with his dad. OP is barely the “primary carer”.

Agree with this ^^ His father is hardly a Disney dad who is only there a few times a month. He probably sees his child more than some parents who are still together but who work long hours or who work away, and nobody would say they were not a primary carer.

His request seems to put your son's needs first and therefore I don't see how it can be consider an unreasonable one.

Pengggwn · 18/05/2018 17:57

Andrewofgg

It's just my opinion given to the OP. No one has to agree with me.

CalF123 · 18/05/2018 17:57

YABVU and using your own anxieties as a justification for restricting your son's relationship with his dad.

kitkatsky · 18/05/2018 17:58

My DD6 spends three weeks with her dad over the summer. I hate it but she loves it. The transition back is a bitch, I can't lie, but they're still so young. Your DS has the advantage that he spends more time with his dad. I wouldn't stand in the way but I would ask for regular Skype calls

NapQueen · 18/05/2018 17:58

Will it be entirely non contact? Or would it be 3 weeks of you being primary parent with ex doing the odd day then switch?

Could you agree to Saturday daytimes with the opposite parent throughout (unless abroad / away)?

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