AIB an oversensitive whiner?

[SayImADreamer]

Been with BF nearly 2 years, live together, im currently away on holiday and im pissed off because I would have thought he could send me some pics of him or my cats whilst im away.
We have been catching up by text everyday "what you been upto" etc but once upon a time he would have sent a few pics, either of his face (lol) or my cats (i love my cats with a raging passion and also get a bit unnecessarily worried about them when im away - dont judge).

Hes not doing that this time and its pissing me off/making me sad.

Its less the not doing it and more the change from previous times.

Am i being a whiny little madam or would you be fucked off too?

I don’t know, OP. If his behaviour has changed, you can ask him about it.

I don’t think you’re being whiny - you’ve noticed a change, and are wondering about it.

@sayimadreamer it’s fantastic that you are so self aware. Can I suggest that you speak to someone about this who can help you with these feelings and help you understsnc what is “normal” and what is less rational. I have had similar issues to contend with and COgnituve Behavioural Therapy helped me very much. In the meantime enjoy your holiday

Not whiny but needy beyond belief. That's not a very attractive characteristic long term so if you think there is something underlying it, addressing it might be a good idea. Holidays should be a chance to get away from everyday life and relax, can you not distract yourself a bit.

this is for me after reading that

Some horrid personal snideyness from some PPs. Ignore them Op.

I think it is a bit of an iceberg situation.
The cat photos are what is visible, what is hidden is all that has led up to this moment in time.
You sound like you have a lot of insight and I would recommend seeking help to look at more assistance. It is what I would do (and have done)

Seriously Op though, ignore the posters who are having a go at you. More than likely they'll be the ones punishing their DC , for example, for damaging a door. When their kid is being bullied at school say, has an argument with sibling at home and then has a moment of frustration with a parent not listening to them and wham! Kid kicks a door in desperation. But no, don't let him get away with That! See what I mean?

Just as kids' behaviours are showing you how they feel, so are ours as adults. If you have asked your DO for photos. Can you tell him or anyone you're with that you are feeling anxious?
Fwiw though, my advice would be to find some distractions, have some fun and enjoy your holiday!

To be honest OP, you sound a bit painful and needy. If I was stuck at work/home while my wife was relaxing on holiday and she was getting arsey with me for not sending photos of the fucking cat I would be thinking a lot less of her.

In love my cat and absolutely spoil him; grain free organic cat biscuits, wet food that has to be refrigerated and is fit for human consumption, a water dispenser that takes bottled water, and a biscuit robot that calls his name and plays a message from me when it's biscuit time - look i'm in my thirties and only just pregnant with my first. My point is I work away a lot, DH will text or call most days but if he doesn't or I don't we assume we've been busy. Some weeks he'll send me a cat picture, usually if the cat has done something funny like sleeping under the duvet on my side of the bed with his furry head on my pillow, but he doesn't always and that's normal. I'm that crazy cat lady and even I think YABU.

As cliched as it sounds most relationship issues can be traced back to an unfulfilled need in childhood! Recognising it half the battle, dealing with it and fulfilling it yourself will also help. But it’s also on your DP to make you feel loved and cherished so speak to him about how you feel things have changed and ask if he’s noticed it too. No need for the passing of time to mean you don’t both make an effort and if texts and photos are one way for him to make that effort for you he should be told that.

My DP always thought that phoning me was a good way of showing attention but actually I hate the phone, I find it intrusive and the timing always sucked! I told him I prefer text - it takes him a fraction of the time but it feels like a little gift arriving in my inbox rather than a shouty ring tone disturbing my day!

Maybe you need to look at your love languages and compare how you are showing each other love and how you’d like to receive it.

I too am a needy whiner so I know how you feel, but there are ways to manage this without it causing a big drama. I guess like dogs, praising the good and ignoring the bad might help, eg “hey I used to love it when you’d send me pics of the cats when I was away” etc and then he can choose whether to do it and make up happy or not bother!

So just ask him to send some?

Make you happy

I too am a needy whiner so I know how you feel, but there are ways to manage this without it causing a big drama.

Stop being so needy and whiny?

DP often works away. I'll send him pictures of the dog or cats if they're doing something funny. The dog often looks sad when he's away. But I wouldn't think to send pictures every day.
Maybe you need to ask him next time you go away without him.

@SayImADreamer

That makes you sound even more needy and whiny. You probably need to get a new hobby, or some friends, and find other ways to occupy your time/thoughts and stop demanding so much from your DP. Poor bloke.

@DinoSn0re
Well theres no need to be catty about it.

What is it with technology making some people so pathetically needy fgs? Time was when all you got from someone on holiday was a postcard home and one 10 minute call from a phonebox, if you were lucky. Really, stop fretting and enjoy your holiday. Your cats and DP are fine, and if they weren't, you'd soon know about it.

@SayImADreamer
Pun intended? Meow.

And actually, I wasn’t being catty. If you’re that hung up on something so minor, you need to find other stuff to occupy your time. Unless you enjoy finding a ridiculous reason to be pissed off at your OH and then having a whinge about it on MN, and then whinging some more when the majority of posters tell you that YABU?

I think you've been quite perceptive about where this is coming from. (Which makes the fact that so many people on this thread are incapable of reading your updates really quite ironic.)

I think you've hit the nail on the head and now you know what to work on.

I came out of my childhood with similar issues, and after a fair bit of talking it through with a couple of counsellors ended up much happier in my relationship. Have now been married 20 years and very happy.

@DinoSnore the op’s more recent update provided an explanation for her behaviour which is linked to childhood issues. I think she’s been quite brave in sharing that and she’s aware her behaviour isn’t rational.

You're being unreasonable, if you want pictures tell him!

Oversensitive OP. And enjoy your holiday, you can go on MN when you get back!

I think some previous posters have been harsh.

I send pics of the cat and the baby to my husband when he's at work so I would def do it if he was away! I think you need to ask tho if it's upsetting your

Sorry, if you want it to be romantic for ever, you're doomed to disappointment. Twenty years in, I can assure you romance might come along once in a blue moon but it definitely isn't ongoing, it would just be too exhausting.

@Strongmummy

I’m well aware of the OP’s update, thanks. But it doesn’t change my opinion, and the OP herself has acknowledged that she ‘needs to get a grip’. She might not have liked what I said or how I said it, but it was advice given with sound intentions and, quite frankly, if you ask AIBU on here, you’re likely to get responses you don’t like and that’s just the way it goes.