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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I feel like I have betrayed someone but I haven’t

46 replies

MrsDylanBlue · 17/05/2018 22:22

I have a colleague who I am really fond of, have worked with her for years and she is a bit of a mother figure to me.

IT is really important in our job and she is a massive technophobe and also manages a team of people, some of who kind of get away with being a bit sloppy paperwork wise which has been a worry for a lot of us for a while.

We have a new manager who is on it. I like it and I am fine with all the systems and processes.

Colleague has gone on leave and asked me to do a few tasks for her which I should not be doing (as in doing other peoples jobs - we are not supposed to do it). The theee things she has asked me to do there has been very little info on the database for and one of the things she asked me to ask one of her team to do they have totally fucked up due to lack of info and lack of knowledge (which I wasn’t aware of). The other thing should have been fine in Feb and totally blew up yday as she thought she has sent me some work but hasn’t she has allocated a family to me who should have been allocated in Feb. I have had no choice but to tell our manager about the second thing as if it resulted in a serious case review I would be seriously implicated.

She left me a note about this case (we are supposed to be paperless and everything on the database) but it was just a load of words on a piece of paper she has jotted down and probably mean something to her, but I didn’t want to call her while she is off as she is stressed and checks her emails etc while off (she shouldn’t).

Today my manager photocopied the note and is going to address it with colleague when she gets back. I feel fucking terrible for colleague but really really torn. I am now implicated in shit working practises and looking like I am covering for her (which to a degree I am - although I have done the right and proper thing about the serious thing).

I feel like shit but also annoyed that she asked me to make some calls when there was fuck all info on the database.

She has also got other colleagues writing up her case notes for her due to her refusal to use the fucking database.

ARGH.

I plan to call her Sunday to give her the heads up

OP posts:

TERFragetteCity · 17/05/2018 22:25

It is shit but you can;'t tell her on sunday. it will further implicate you.

Original poster

MrsDylanBlue · 17/05/2018 22:33

I have come to the realisation she’s been offloading a lot of work on me because we are friends.

I feel crap she might be in the shot but also annoyed that I have innocently said yes but now realising if a child died I could lose my career (apart from a child dying needlessly being tragic).

OP posts:

pinkdelight · 17/05/2018 22:42

You can't tell her on Sunday. Be professional about it. Just because she's built this culture/loyalty to enable her shortcomings/cover her arse doesn't mean you have to keep colluding now it's come to light. You needn't feel guilty. You're just trying to do your job. Forget about it at the w/e and hopefully the people dealing with it will be professional too and - as long as nothing terrible has happened- they can see it as a training issue and address that instead of letting you all stumble along carrying these problems.

JamPasty · 17/05/2018 22:47

Do not, for the love of all things holy, talk to her on Sunday, or at all about this You have done the right thing - keep being professional and leave it to your manager to deal with.

Also "if a child died" - you mean her mistakes could have cost a child their life?! In the nicest possible way OP, why the heck are you feeling even a shred of sympathy for her?

Original poster

MrsDylanBlue · 17/05/2018 22:50

I have only just moved into the same role as her as this week has opened my eyes to how shockingly bad the case recording had been and then again realising when I am “helping” her with a few things how she is actually asking me to collude with her andvI haven’t realised how serious it is.

But also torn as she is a good friend - I thought .

OP posts:

samewitches · 17/05/2018 22:51

People like her are awful imo. I've known several similar people at work, I'm only an admin worker but people who are in a HCP role who are just overwhelmed by either the caseload (understandable, but flag it to seniors! Don't coax admin staff into roles beyond their remit!) or sheer IT incompetence. I've had a HCP begging me to help her, we're friendly and she knows I find it hard to say no because technically what she's asking me is in my job role but she's asking me to do it in a way that isn't or pushes the boundaries. So organising an appt she should have had 2 weeks ago for tomorrow, patient has to be called to come in rather than having an appt letter with a follow up reminder call. Then shifting the clinic round so she has space for said patient. Because she 'forgot' to follow them up 2 weeks ago! Or uploading documents and hers really really need to be uploaded now, thus pushing back the others that were in the right tray in time. But I can't not do it because it's the patients that will suffer. I can't take it to management because of bloody politics. It's awful.

Dozer · 17/05/2018 22:54

Unfortunately she is performing poorly in important aspects of her role. It wasn’t a good decision to agree to try to cover for her.

Sparklesocks · 17/05/2018 22:54

I can see why you’re worried OP But it’s not fair for you and your team to pick up the work she can’t/won’t do like database entry.
At the end of the day you can’t prioritise her job over your own and you can only do so much.
The thing is management probably had an inkling something was up and most likely it would’ve been picked up somewhere else if they hadn’t picked it up from you.

Don’t feel guilty, you can only do what you can and I’m sure your colleague wouldn’t want you to be implicated from her errors.

I had a similar situation in a job once where I was doing admin in a pensions dept and another team were short staffed because their admin was off sick, so they asked me to pick up his stuff for a few days. I did, and quickly found loads of stuff that hadn’t been done. Database entries weren’t complete and letters hadn’t been sent out. When looking for a file I found a big pile of post he hadn’t sorted or handed out (we had strict targets to answer all post in 5 working days). I felt bad but I had to tell the manager as I couldn’t pick up half finished work, and I didn’t want them to think I had made the errors. In turned out he was really out of his depth and panicking but too scared to ask for help. In a way I think it was a relief when people found out the truth.

Maybe this will be useful for your colleague because now people can help with her problem areas?

Original poster

MrsDylanBlue · 17/05/2018 22:55

samewitches

Yes it’s this and today I attended a meeting on her behalf which has generated a load of work.

She knows I am just as snowed under as her it’s selfishness disguised as neurosis.

OP posts:

UpstartCrow · 17/05/2018 22:56

She's not a good friend, because a good friend wouldn't do this. She is charming and nice and she is using you; your career and your clients are much more important than her feelings.

Co-operate with your boss. Dont let her drag you down.

Noqonterfy · 17/05/2018 22:57

Yeah I'd probably tell her what's coming so she can prepare herself for it. Have you been told not to or something? Sounds like she needs a bit of support to manage her case notes and work load. Don't suppose that will happen though.

Original poster

MrsDylanBlue · 17/05/2018 22:57

I am really torn about covering the other thing as she asked me to ask a member of her staff to do something they were not competent to do and I had to sort it out.

While I have been doing all these things O have not been doing my own work

OP posts:

shizzlethenizzley · 17/05/2018 23:00

Social workers not updating CareFirst is one of the banes of my life! She should be all over it.

Original poster

MrsDylanBlue · 17/05/2018 23:01

I have taken on a lot of work from one of the people she was managing and I know every time I see this persons name nothing will have been done. I have taken on three “settings” from this person too and am having to do massive relationship building because she did Jack shit for YEARS and colleague always raves about how marvellous she is and backed her promotion!

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsDylanBlue · 17/05/2018 23:03

social workers not updating CareFirst is one of the banes of my life! She should be all over it

If a child dies it’s the first thing they will look at.

OP posts:

Caramelapplecake · 17/05/2018 23:06

Is this social work? Vitally important the database is updated. Presumably there is an out of hours team and other professionals will need to access the records - and from different venues so scribbled bits of paper no good. As you say in serious case review 'if it's not recorded it didn't happen'

KeepServingTheDrinks · 17/05/2018 23:07

It sounds like you work in the NHS? (you don't have to say). I've got no experience there, so no help to offer, but for your situation, it sounds grim.

If it's as serious as you say.. children's lives at risk? (I can't think of many things more serious than that. Starting a war, maybe?). Anyway, if it's THAT level of serious, then you have to be totally professional and open. You need to draw attention to it, and you need to be straight about what your role was, otherwise she'll drag you down with her.

You can still be her friend, if she wants you, when this is over.

Sparklesocks · 17/05/2018 23:08

OP I am not familiar with your sector/systems but if you update the database does it show as your username that logged it?
Therefore if info was missing from clients you’ve updated on her behalf, would you be held accountable - rather than her?
If so, that is dodgy territory and unfair on you

Original poster

MrsDylanBlue · 17/05/2018 23:12

Sparklesocks

Yes but if you are the allocated worker or it is your piece of work you are responsible.

OP posts:

Redglitter · 17/05/2018 23:13

Don't under any circumstances give her a heads up on Sunday. You could potentially get yourself into more bother and further dragged into her mess. Leave it to management to deal with

ApproachingATunnel · 17/05/2018 23:13

Well, be glad this has happened as hopefully she will get proper training and start using the database. What you’ve been doing so far is enabling her and allowing the poor practices to continue. You know that it has to stop, for the sake of those who might be affected.

Sparklesocks · 17/05/2018 23:14

Ok that’s good, I was just worried you could be held accountable if your name was showing.

It’s hard OP but the more I’m reading the more I feel she’s taking advantage of your friendship and your helpful nature. She shouldn’t really be putting this on you from a professional perspective, let alone as friends.

Original poster

MrsDylanBlue · 17/05/2018 23:18

I think because I am better with the systems I am more in the know now about what has been going on (after this week) and it’s shocked and disappointed me which is why I automatically phoned our manager yday when I saw how crap it was but feel shit as it’s going to be difficult at work as we phone each other outside of work and are friends.

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsDylanBlue · 17/05/2018 23:18

Sorry more in the know than she would expect me to be

OP posts:

cafenoirbiscuit · 17/05/2018 23:22

Social care databases are one of the main reasons I left my job in the same area. This thread has reminded me of the joy of self employment and no work flowing anything on to managers etc. Just me, and an easily understood set of care plans now. Phew.

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